A dry place to call my own
by MsViolet85
Summary: Alex works in the drug cartel, but aside from that, this story is AU. Piper's life falls apart after she learns she can't have kids, things with her boyfriend Jack fall apart. Out of desperation, she finds herself buying drugs from Alex. Alex feels completely conflicted - she's drawn to Piper, can see she's in pain and wants to help, but this is business...
1. Chapter 1

**A dry place to call my own**

 **A/N**

 **Hi folks,**

 **Welcome to my new story. As indicated, the first part of this chapter refers to a point in the future, and we then go back in time to see how it all came to that point. The text breaks are meant to indicate changes in point of view between Alex and Piper. Let me know if the layout is hard to follow or doesn't make sense. I'd also like to make it clear that I'm in no way trying to glorify drug use, it's just part of the story.**

 **I'm very keen to hear your thoughts on chapter 1, please review whether positive or negative.**

 **Cheers.**

Chapter 1

 _I can't see the end of me_

 _My whole expanse I cannot see_

 _I formulate infinity_

 _Stored deep inside me_

 _Flash forward_

Alex was banging on the door of Piper's house, she knew the blonde was in there. Everything had gotten fucked up so quickly, and Alex had no idea how to fix things. In that moment, all she knew was that she needed to see Piper, she needed to make sure she was okay. After five minutes of knocking on the door, Alex turned the knob and was surprised to discover the door was unlocked. This just made her panic more, Piper never just left her front door unlocked, not unless something was really wrong.

Alex burst into the apartment with desperation and began searching every room. She eventually opened the bathroom door, and found what she was looking for. It was Piper, sitting on the floor next to the bathtub, with a small vile of white powder sitting next to her, the same white powder that Alex had been selling to her for over six months. Piper didn't even seem to register Alex's presence, it was a miracle she could still breathe on her own.

Alex was scared, and knelt down in front of Piper, taking the blonde's face in her hands, "Pipes, can you hear me?" All Alex got in reply was a faint groan, which she felt was better than nothing.

"I'm not going anywhere okay, I'm gonna look after you."

Piper managed to open her eyes as Alex kept gently stroking her cheeks, "What?"

"You've taken too much Pipes, I'll take care of you."

"I'm so tired Alex."

"I know Pipes, I know. But I can't let you go to sleep just yet, you gotta stay with me for a bit okay?" Alex looked at Piper in desperation, trying to will her to stay awake. "Please Pipes, please try to stay awake."

Alex wasn't sure what to do, Piper became so depressed when she found out about the baby, and she started relying on heroin to get through the day. Deep down Alex felt responsible for what she saw in front of her right now. She had known Piper was struggling, but she never stopped selling her the drugs.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

 _7 months earlier_

Alex sat across from Fahri in his apartment, sipping her beer as she stared off into the distance. Just three hours earlier they had stepped off a plane, returning to New York after three weeks in Bali followed by two weeks in various other Indonesian islands, picking up new business. Alex had met Fahri three years earlier, and they'd been close ever since. Alex had never been the sociable type, so aside from her mother, Fahri became her closest friend.

This was only the third time Alex had been trusted to travel overseas for the drug cartel, each time she had gone with Fahri. Even though she was completely drained as she sank further into the arm chair, the truth was that she loved the new opportunities she was being given. Before she met Fahri, she had nothing. She worked whatever waitressing shifts she could pick up and lived in a trailer park with her mother, Diane. The cartel had given her access to a new life, she wasn't ashamed to say the cartel had given her a new lease on life, a reason to keep going. But above all else it gave her the opportunity to help Diane, to get her out of the trailer park and into her own apartment. It still wasn't much, but it was more than her mother ever had. Alex had started at the bottom and gained trust with Fahri and his bosses, things were going well and for once she was actually happy.

She sipped her beer again as she mentally reminded herself to call Diane in the morning, it was after midnight now and Alex didn't want to wake her up. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, but was disturbed by Fahri's deep voice before she could drift off to sleep.

"Remind me, there's some low level clients I want you to start handling, we can talk through the details tomorrow." Even he sounded exhausted, his voice sounding deeper and rougher than usual.

Alex opened her eyes but couldn't be bothered moving her head to look at him, "What? I thought I was just meant to be working on logistics, why make me babysit clients now?"

"Because we all gotta share the pain of looking after the bottom feeders, you'll get used to it. Don't worry, it won't interfere with your new travel schedule."

This made Alex smile, this is what she'd been building towards in the last three years, the opportunity to travel on her own and move product between their most important destinations. If moving up the ranks meant more local client chores, she was more than happy to oblige. Right now all she wanted to do was sleep, she couldn't be bothered going back to her own apartment now. She figured she might as well stay at Fahri's if they needed to talk business tomorrow anyway.

Fahri managed to drag himself up off the couch before heading towards him room, "I gotta fucking sleep after that flight. You know where the guest room is if you want a bed, we'll talk tomorrow."

Alex smiled at her friend as she kept sinking further into the arm chair. She wasn't too fussed about sleeping in a bed right now, for most of her life she didn't have the luxury of sleeping in a bed anyway. She took off her boots before stretching out on the couch and falling asleep within seconds.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper sat at her kitchen table on her own, it was the middle of the night but she couldn't sleep. Her boyfriend, Jack, was sound asleep in their bedroom, unaware that Piper felt completely alone. She'd been with Jack since she finished college five years earlier. At first she was happy, he was easy going and fun and they enjoyed each other's company. But ever since they found out it would be almost impossible for Piper to have a baby, life just stopped. Jack never said it, but Piper felt like he hated her. Jack had always wanted his own kids, and now because of Piper, he never would.

Piper had suggested adoption more than once but he didn't want to hear it, he just walked out of the room whenever she brought it up. Piper felt like the only person she could turn to for support was her best friend Nicky, but at the same time, she didn't want to lump all of her problems onto one person. Her parents were useless, her dad didn't know what to say and her mother was insensitive as usual. All Carol Chapman could do was talk about how much of a shame it was for Jack, how much of a good father he would have been. It broke Piper's heart, not once did her mother acknowledge how Piper felt, just left her feeling that she should be thankful Jack has stayed with her.

Jack wasn't a bad person, but things just weren't the same between them anymore. These days he never just kissed her for no reason, or brought her flowers even though it wasn't a special occasion. Piper felt like they lived their own separate lives, and over time Jack's resentment towards his girlfriend became more and more obvious. At first, Piper had the occasional drink to help deal with her own sadness, but after a while, it wasn't enough anymore. She needed something else, something to make her feel alive again. She knew that Nicky occasionally dabbled with drugs, but it wasn't something she liked to talk about with Piper. It was something that Nicky had grown to be ashamed of, especially since her relationship with her own mother fell apart. But Piper knew one name, the man that Nicky always contacted when she wanted her next hit, Fahri.

Piper knew Nicky would never give her Fahri's details, it was a world she never wanted Piper to see. Everyone seemed to think Piper needed to be sheltered from the world, and she was getting sick of it. She wanted to feel like a human being again, and she didn't care how that happened. One night when Piper was at Nicky's apartment, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She waited until Nicky went to the bathroom and started looking through her friends phone, eventually finding the name she wanted – Fahri. Piper felt bad for going behind her friend's back but she was desperate.

Piper held onto that phone number for two weeks before she finally worked up the courage to dial it. She was sitting alone in her bedroom when she made the call, Jack was at work and she had finished early that day. She stared at the screen for a while before finally pressing the green dial button, waiting for an answer.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex slept comfortably on Fahri's couch until late afternoon the next day. She woke up to find him sitting in an armchair across from her, looking tired and holding onto a cup of coffee, "there's more in the kitchen if you want it."

Alex stretched out her long arms and legs before she finally got up and returned to the couch with a coffee and a cigarette.

"Well, let's get down to business. You'll keep helping me scout out new business and take care of shipments, but we still have to deal with some of the low level clients back here in New York. There's only a dozen or so I need you to take care of, most of them you already know. It'll be no big deal, you'll probably only hear from them once per month for the drop offs. Aydin will fill in for you when you're travelling. I actually got a call from a new one not long ago, she'll start small but will probably start buying more. I want you to take care of this one from the start, show Kubra you're a woman of many talents." Fahri smirked at Alex as he kept talking, giving her the details. This would be the first time Alex would be so closely involved with the customer side of the business, she wasn't sure how she felt about it, but she sure as hell wasn't about to say no.

Fahri had arranged for Alex to meet this new customer later that night at a local bar. He gave her very clear instructions, pass on the goods, get the money, and leave. He also gave her the details of the other local clients she now had to deal with. This wasn't a side of the business she really wanted to get involved with but at the same time, more responsibility meant more money. More money meant more independence for herself and it meant she could do more for Diane.

Alex was still feeling jetlagged, so she went back to her apartment to get some more sleep before heading out for the night. Once she got home she realised she still hadn't called Diane, so she sent her mother a text before laying in her own bed and falling back to sleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper sat in a booth at the bar she agreed on with Fahri, she bought herself a beer but was too nervous to even drink it. She couldn't stop her palms from sweating and was constantly looking at the front door. Fahri had told her she'd be meeting with one of his colleagues, a lady called Alex. Piper told Fahri what she looked like and what she'd be wearing so that Alex could spot her. It all felt so surreal, and Piper started to wonder if she'd made the wrong choice, maybe she should just get up and leave and forget she ever made that phone call. She kept arguing with herself until she spotted a tall woman walk through the front doors, she was beautiful. The tall woman looked around the bar until she spotted Piper and started walking towards her. Piper just sat there, taking it all in. The woman had long dark hair, black framed glasses and pale skin. She walked with confidence in her skinny black jeans, black v-neck, and leather jacket until she eventually sat across from Piper at the booth. "You must be Piper, I'm Alex."

Piper stretched her hand across the table and shook Alex's hand, not quite sure what to say, "Hi Alex." There was a moment of silence before Piper managed to find her voice again, "I have the money."

Alex smiled at her, "and I have what you want, follow me to the bathroom." Alex got up and waited for Piper to follow her. The two women walked into the toilets, which were empty, but Alex still led them into a cubicle, locking the door. Piper couldn't help but notice how impossibly close she was standing to this complete stranger. This complete stranger that Piper was going to buy drugs from, maybe she really was losing her mind. Piper couldn't help but be taken away by Alex's eyes, the paleness of her skin, and the smell of their perfume. Alex seemed to return her gaze, before reaching into her jean pocket, taking out a small plastic bag filled with white powder. Alex leaned into Piper until her mouth was next to Piper's ear, "I assume this is what you want?" Piper felt a shiver go down her spine as she felt Alex's breathe against her ear. She tried to regain composure as she reached into her own jean pocket, pulling out the exact amount of money Fahri told her to bring.

Alex slowly tucked the small plastic bag into Piper's jean pocket, before taking the cash from Piper's hand and tucking it into her own pocket, "thanks Piper."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex stood across from Piper in the cubicle as they made their exchange, drugs for cash. She thanked Piper but found that she wanted to stay close to her for a little longer. She looked young, maybe mid-twenties, she was beautiful, but her eyes looked so sad. Before she could decide what to do next, Piper broke the silence, "Alex, I…..I've never really done this before."

That admission didn't surprise Alex at all, Piper didn't look like the typical heroin user. She probably had no idea how much to take, or how to even take it. Alex had no idea what had brought Piper to this point of wanting to use heroin, but she also didn't want the blonde to accidently kill herself because she didn't know what she was doing, "Let me show you how to do it."

Piper nodded, she seemed almost relieved, "What if you come back to my house?"

Alex didn't say anything for a moment, going back to a client's house like this was definitely not a good idea. Fahri would be pissed if he knew about it, but in that moment Alex didn't really care what Fahri would think. Piper seemed harmless enough, she definitely wasn't a cop, and the safest place for her to do heroin for the first time was in her own house. "Sure, can you give me a ride?" Piper nodded and the two women left the bar and walked towards Piper's car. The drive to Piper's house was mostly silent, aside from the occasional attempt at small talk. Piper eventually pulled up outside a nice looking town house, where Alex followed her in through the front door.

Alex looked around as she followed Piper down the long hallway, the place was nice, and by the looks of the photos on the walls, Piper didn't live alone. "You live with your boyfriend?" The last thing Alex wanted was another person knowing she was there.

"Yeah, but turns out he's travelling for work over the weekend, so he won't be back until Sunday night." Alex breathed a sigh of relief, which slowly reminded her how stupid she was being right now. Those feelings left her pretty quickly as she looked at Piper standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking completely lost. Alex felt bad for her, she was obviously having a rough time at the moment and just wanted an escape.

"Let's do this someplace comfortable, so you can relax." Piper nodded and led Alex into her lounge room, both women sat close to each other on the sofa. Alex placed a hand on Piper's leg, trying to reassure her, before reaching into her jacket pocket and pulling out a small tin box. Alex placed the box on the coffee table before she opened it, pulling out alcohol swabs, a syringe, cotton buds, and a small spoon.

"Can you get a glass of water?"

Piper looked confused by the request but got up anyway, returning with a glass of water. She also removed the small plastic bag from her pocket and placed it on the coffee table, next to Alex's tin box.

"I'm gonna start with a small amount okay, just to see how you feel." She didn't know why, but Alex couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling that she needed to take care of this girl. Alex had injected heroin into herself before, but she didn't do it very often. On the whole, she tried to stay away from drugs all together, she personally preferred to drink. Alex cleaned the spoon, then tipped a small amount of heroin into it. She then used the syringe to collect a small amount of water that she squirted into the spoon. Alex was very methodical when it came to things like this, this was a process she was unfortunately very familiar with. Alex picked up the spoon and pulled a lighter from her pocket, and slowly heated the spoon from the bottom until the heroin had dissolved and mixed with the water.

"Make sure you always heat it okay, it's less dangerous this way. Now you need to filter it, again, it's less dangerous this way." Alex picked up the cotton ball and dipped it into the spoon until it absorbed all the liquid. Very carefully, she then picked up the syringe and used it to extract all the liquid from the cotton bud. Alex gently took Piper's arm as she unwrapped an alcohol swab to clean the inner side of her elbow, "always use one of these, trust me you don't want an infection. I'm only doing it hear so it's easier to hit the vein, you can do it other places if you like, but I suggest you start here."

Alex picked up the syringe and kept Piper's arm in her lap, "you ready?"

Piper looked surprisingly calm, like she was almost relieved, "yeah, I'm ready." Alex looked Piper in the eyes as she kept holding onto the syringe. She had a knot in the bottom of her stomach telling her she shouldn't be doing this, but there was also another part telling her it was business and she was making sure Piper knew how to do her drugs safely. Besides which, the boyfriend wouldn't be home for a couple days so Alex had already made up her mind that she'd stay with the blonde to make sure she was okay. After Alex managed to convince herself she was doing the right thing, she searched Piper's inner elbow until she found the vein she wanted, she inserted the syringe, being as gentle as she could. She slowly pulled back the plunger to make sure she'd hit the vein properly. When she saw the blood flow into the syringe she slowly pushed the plunger down until all the liquid inside was gone. Alex put down the needle and grabbed another cotton bud and pressed it against the injection spot.

"That didn't hurt at all." Piper smiled at Alex and leaned her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"That's because I'm the best." Alex smiled back and wrapped an arm around Piper's shoulder. It never took long to hit someone after injecting, and Alex wanted to make sure Piper felt safe.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Less than a minute after Piper let Alex inject her, she was overcome with feelings of euphoric warmth, and didn't even think before she rest her head on Alex's shoulder. Before she knew it Alex had wrapped an arm around her and Piper didn't hesitate to snuggle into her. She felt like she was a million miles away, she felt warm and safe. Her problems might return in the morning, but right now all she could think about was how good it felt to be sitting here with Alex.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _Would you like to hear my voice_

 _Sprinkled with emotion_

 _Invented at your birth_

Alex let Piper settle into her high, given it was her first time there was a chance she might throw up. But Alex was glad to see was doing fine, and was leaning into Alex on the couch, with her eyes closed and a faint smile visible across her lips. Alex was almost too scared to move, Piper was so comfortable and relaxed, Alex didn't want to disturb her. So she just sat on the couch with an arm around the blonde for close to thirty minutes. Every so often, Alex's mind floated back to the fact that she really shouldn't be here right now. But then something else would catch her attention, the sound of Piper's calm breaths against her shoulder, the feel of Piper's sweater, and the smell of her hair. All of those things seemed to outweigh the fact that she shouldn't have come back to Piper's house. Besides, Piper wasn't exactly their usual type of customer, and Alex was fairly certain Piper didn't present any sort of danger to her, aside from her boyfriend of course. Alex assumed Piper's relationship probably wasn't going well if she was turning to heroin to make herself feel better.

Piper eventually stirred against Alex's side, "There's beer and wine in the fridge if you want anything, help yourself."

"I might just do that, but it means you'll have to sit up."

"Mmmmm, I'm so comfortable, I don't remember the last time I felt this comfortable, this warm. Does it always feel like this?"

Alex knew the answer, but was almost afraid to tell Piper the truth, that people spend so much time trying to recapture the feeling of their first high without ever getting there, "Not really, but it can still be good." Alex slowly got off the couch, letting Piper lay across it in her absence. Alex walked back into the kitchen, taking in the surroundings on the way. It was a nice house, and everything was very neat and in its place. There were also a lot of pictures everywhere, mainly of Piper and her boyfriend. He was a good looking guy, tall, lean, with a mop of light brown hair. Alex pushed thoughts of Piper's boyfriend to the back of her mind as she collected two beers from the fridge and returned to Piper on the couch, "I got you one, just in case you feel like it. But maybe take it slow with the alcohol, it might make you feel a bit sick."

Piper sat back up on the couch but didn't say much. It was starting to get cold in the lounge room, so Alex picked up a light blanket that was neatly folded on an armchair and brought it over to the couch, placing it over both of them. Piper immediately assumed the same position against Alex's side as she snuggled under the blanket, "Well, you're certainly much nicer than the drug dealers on TV," Piper laughed at her own words, her inhibitions were definitely down at this point.

"Yeah I guess so, but we're not all bad you know. Well, a lot of us probably are, but not me." Alex kept drinking her beer, before she remembered she had her own heroin supply sitting in her jacket pocket. It wasn't something she did very often, but this seemed like as good a time as any to indulge, especially since she'd be spending the night with a high person. She hadn't technically asked Piper if she could stay over, but she wanted to make sure the blonde was okay. Everyone reacts to heroin differently, and Alex wanted to make sure Piper didn't end up feeling sick. Alex took the small vile out of her jacket pocket and snorted some through each nostril, quickly drinking her beer afterwards. She enjoyed the high, but she hated the taste of the powder down the back of her throat. Piper didn't even seem to notice what Alex was doing, and had closed her eyes again.

"So Piper, tell me about yourself?"

Piper didn't even bother opening her eyes as she answered the question without hesitation, "Myself….I don't know, I'm not sure I know who I am anymore. My mum hates me, my dad can't bring himself to talk to me, and I'm pretty sure my boyfriend hates me. I don't know what to say about me, nobody seems to think there's anything good about me."

"So fuck them, you don't need to listen to crap like that, it's total bulshit." Alex could feel her own high settling in, lowering her own inhibitions. "You can't let people like that get you down Piper. I've known you for what, like three hours, and I can already tell you're special." Alex hated the idea of Piper thinking there was nothing good about herself. At the very least, she was kind and gentle.

"You think I'm special?"

"Fuck yes, never let other people make you feel worthless. I don't care if they're your parents or your boyfriend. If they make you feel like that, they're fucking assholes." Alex was slightly surprised by her own outburst, and got to her feet and started walking around the lounge room. She didn't mean to get so worked up, but she hated knowing that Piper thought so little of herself. Maybe it was the drugs talking, but Alex really did feel like Piper was special. She walked over to a stereo that was sitting in the corner and turned it on, looking for a decent radio station. There was silence between them again, but it didn't matter. The silences were never awkward, it felt normal. Once Alex found a station she was happy with she looked back at Piper, who had obviously been looking at her for a while. Alex didn't know what to do, other than look back.

"What about you Alex, do your parents and boyfriend hate you?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh at the question, "I dunno kid. Let me see, dear old dad is dead, and there is definitely no boyfriend. So that leaves mum, she seems to love me no matter what I do, which is kinda fucked up in itself."

"No, that's not fucked up, it sounds wonderful. About your mum I mean, not the rest." Both women laughed and Alex joined Piper back on the couch, opening the second beer for the blonde.

"How could your boyfriend possibly hate you?"

That was the first point in the evening where Piper seemed lost for words, "It…it's a long story."

Maybe it was the drugs again, she couldn't tell anymore, but all Alex wanted to do in that moment was wrap Piper in a hug. She seemed sad all over again.

"Sorry Piper, forget I asked. Just remember, I definitely don't hate you." When Alex saw the smallest of smiles spread across Piper's lips she let go of the last of her inhibitions and pulled her into a hug. It felt so good, Alex never wanted to let her go. She also decided she wanted to bump her high up a notch, and took out her vile again to snort more heroin.

Piper watched Alex carefully, "Should I take some more?"

"Definitely not. I'm looking out for you tonight remember, just relax and enjoy it, you don't need any more Pipes, I don't think you need anything at all."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper felt a tingle go through her shoulders as soon as she heard Alex use her nickname. The two kept talking about nothing particularly important, in-between bouts of sleeping on the couch and drinking more beer. Piper lost all concept of time and how long they'd been hanging out in the lounge room. Eventually, tiredness was taking over. She looked over at the clock next to the couch and was surprised to see it was 3am, and she was starting to slightly slur her words. "Alex, I wish I could stay up with you all night, but I think I need to go to bed. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I'll stay, I'm more than comfortable on the couch."

Piper reached out and grabbed the brunette's hand, she could barely keep her eyes open, "No, I don't want to sleep alone." Piper didn't give Alex a chance to respond before she pulled her towards the main bedroom, not caring this was the bed she had shared with Jack for so long. Jack didn't even feel real to her in that moment, he was just a distant memory she wanted to forget. All she could focus on was the here and now, and that was Alex. Piper's exhaustion was quickly winning out, and she was not concerned about modesty, all she wanted was to collapse into bed. As soon as they entered the bedroom, Piper took off her clothes and threw them haphazardly on the floor, before pulling back the sheets and getting comfortable in her bed. Piper looked back to the doorway to see Alex still standing there, looking slightly unsure of what to do next.

"Please Alex, I just need to have someone next to me while I sleep." Piper beckoned Alex to join her in bed as she closed her eyes again, pressing her face into the pillow. Alex carefully took off her own clothes, leaving on her underwear, before sliding next to Piper under the sheets. But it wasn't enough, Piper wanted to be held. It had been so long since she'd been held until she fell asleep, it was the type of human contact she'd been craving for months. Piper reached behind her and grabbed Alex's arm, pulling it over her own body until she had cradled the warm hand against her chest. Now Piper could relax, she could finally get some sleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was relieved when Piper wanted to go to bed, she loved talking to the blonde but she was still feeling jetlagged from her trip and was craving sleep. She was happy when Piper pulled her towards the main bedroom, she still couldn't fight her inner need to be close to the blonde. But she had no desire to take advantage of her, just to be able to sleep next to her. Alex could see how tired Piper was, a combination of the late hour and the heroin. But Alex was taken aback as Piper stripped off all her clothes in front of Alex before getting into bed. The brunette wasn't sure what to do, until Piper made it perfectly clear she wanted her in the bed immediately. Alex stripped down to her underwear and got in the queen sized bed. She assumed this was the bed Piper shared with her boyfriend, but all Alex could smell was the blonde, it was all around her. Just as she was starting to drift off to sleep she felt Piper grab her arm and pull Alex flush up against her back, pulling Alex's long arm over her body, holding it close to her chest.

Alex could feel her heart beating in her chest, it didn't matter how high she was or how much she'd drank, she still couldn't reconcile the fact she was in bed with Piper like this. Alex loved being this close to her, the feeling of skin against skin, it was so completely intimate, and Alex had no intention of breaking Piper's trust. Alex pulled the blonde in closer and whispered in her ear before letting herself drift off to sleep, "Goodnight Pipes."

 **A/N**

 **Apologies for the shorter chapter, but I wanted their first night together to stand alone. Let me know your thoughts, hopefully their first night together didn't come across as creepy. And FYI - the snippets of text at the start of each chapter are just a few lyrics I have been listening to a lot while writing this.**

 **Cheers.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _If I had to lose a mile_

 _If I had to touch feelings_

 _I would lose my soul_

 _The way I do_

Piper woke up just after 10am Saturday morning, still holding Alex's arm against her chest. The overwhelming warmth she felt the night before was gone, and she was left feeling sleepy, but surprisingly calm. She carefully untangled herself from Alex, picked up her clothes from the night before and went into the bathroom. Standing in the cold bathroom, the tiles below her feet, Piper stood in front of the mirror and just looked at herself. She wasn't sure how to describe the previous night. It should have been weird, but it wasn't. It shouldn't have happened at all, but she was glad it did.

She peeked into the bedroom and saw that Alex was still asleep, her arms outstretched over Piper's side of the bed, the sheet pulled up over her shoulders. Even looking at Alex, she still couldn't describe her feelings about last night. So Piper decided to let it go for the moment, and had a quick shower before Alex woke up. If Alex wasn't still in her bed, she would have stayed in the shower all morning. The warm water running down her face and chest, it felt just like the warm feelings running through her body last night next to Alex on the couch.

Piper ended her shower and pulled on her clothes from last night, before getting back into bed. She lay on her side and watched Alex sleep, she wanted to reach out and touch her but didn't. The freedom and courage she felt the night before had disappeared, so she kept her hands to herself and had to be satisfied with looking. The digital clock on her bedside table clicked past 11am, and Alex's phone had rang twice, but the brunette still kept sleeping. Piper decided it was time to wake her up, otherwise she looked like she would keep sleeping all afternoon.

Piper leaned a bit closer and started talking, "Alex….Alex, it's almost noon." The brunette started to stir but kept her eyes closed. Piper leaned in closer again, "Your phone keeps ringing, I wasn't sure if you were late for something?"

The mention of ringing made Alex open her eyes immediately and turn over to grab her phone from the bedside table. She seemed relieved when she looked at the screen to see who the calls had come from, "Shit, you scared me kid."

"You're scared of missed phone calls?" Piper smirked and kept her eyes trained on Alex, who kept the sheet pulled up over her chest.

"You remember who I work for right?"

Piper just looked back at Alex, reality hitting her after her drug fuelled happiness of the night before. Alex didn't work for the local newspaper, she was a drug dealer. Missing a meeting or annoying her boss meant something different for her than most people. "So who's so desperate to talk to you on a Saturday morning?"

"My mum actually, I've been travelling a lot lately, I haven't gotten around to talking to her since I've been back."

Piper almost felt bad for asking, her own mother was certainly never overly concerned about how often they spoke. Piper's mind then started to wander, thinking about whether Alex's mum knew what her daughter did for a living, maybe that's why she was so anxious to speak to her. Or maybe she just wanted to speak to her daughter for no other reason than love. That was a foreign concept to Piper. At least she had another day until Jack got home, she just hoped he'd come back to her in a good mood.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex got dressed quickly and said her goodbyes to Piper, giving the blonde her number for when she wanted to make another purchase. Alex walked out the front door and started walking down the street, she started walking quickly for no particular reason, she just felt like she needed to exert some energy. She enjoyed her night with Piper, but knew she couldn't let it happen again. This was business, this was a new responsibility she'd be given, and she couldn't afford to fuck it up. From here on in, she had to be more careful around Piper, even if she really did feel like there was something special about her.

She pulled out her phone and dialled Diane's number. After an initial berating for not calling her sooner, they agreed to meet for lunch in an hour. Alex kept walking until she finally came across a bench, she sat down and pulled out her cigarettes, carefully placing one between her lips before lighting it. She inhaled slowly, laying back her head and looking up at the clouds. She needed to get her mind back on work, but at least she managed to get a decent sleep. Heroin had a way of doing that, but Alex was pretty sure that wasn't the only reason she slept so well. She stayed on the bench, chain smoking until it was time to meet her mother. She walked a few more blocks before she found the right café and walked in, seeing Diane already sitting at a table waiting for her. She walked over and let her mum wrap her up in a tight hug, "It's good to see you Alex."

"Good to see you too mum." It never mattered how much time passed, her relationship with Diane never changed. It had been almost two months since they had seen each other. Alex felt bad about not making more of an effort to see her mum, but life had just run away from her recently. It was mainly because of work, but she enjoyed it all the same. Especially that she was now able to travel for the cartel, she was hoping it wouldn't be much longer before they'd let her travel on her own. She was pulled out of her thoughts by Diane, who was keen to catch up.

"You know I'd appreciate it if you made more of an effort to keep in touch with me."

"I know mum, sorry." Alex could feel Diane looking her in the eye, she knew what was coming next.

"You know I worry about you Alex, are you okay?"

Alex finally looked Diane in the eye, she hated knowing she made her worry, "I promise mum, I'm good."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Sunday night finally rolled around, and Piper wasn't sure whether or not she should be excited about seeing Jack again. Aside from all the animosity between them in recent months, she was used to being away from him. He worked as a pharmaceutical sales rep and travelled at least one per month for work, but at least he didn't have to travel overseas.

It was almost 7pm by the time he walked through the door, he looked tired and dropped his backpack in the hallway. "Piper, you home?"

"Hey Jack," Piper instinctively walked up to him for a kiss, "how was the trip?"

He looked back at her blankly, "fine, just the usual boring stuff. How about you, get up to much this weekend?"

When she thought about it, Piper wasn't sure what the real answer to that question was. But she still provided Jack with her standard response, "it was good, I spent some time with Nicky, not much else." He gave her an empty smile as he walked down the hallway and towards the kitchen. She followed him, "What do you feel like for dinner?"

He shook his head as he drank a glass of water, "I'm exhausted Piper, I might just have a shower and head straight to bed."

The mention of their bed immediately brought back memories of her Friday night with Alex, but luckily for Piper she was organised and changed the bed sheets that morning. She was originally going to change them Saturday as soon as Alex left, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. A part of her wanted one more night of Alex's perfume lingering around her as she went to sleep.

"Really, I haven't seen you all weekend. I can make anything you want."

"I'm tired Piper, I just want to sleep. Some of us still need to work."

Piper felt her eyes become glassy, but she tried to hold in her tears. She struggled after finding out she would never have a child of her own, that she would never carry a baby. She hadn't worked full time since, just picking up random hours here and there. "That's not fair Jack."

He finally looked up from his glass to meet her gaze, "None of it was fair Piper." He put his empty glass on the kitchen table and tried to walk past her. But Piper was sick of it, she was tired of being everyone's punching bag, no one wanted to acknowledge how difficult it had all been on her too, especially Jack. She grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away from her, "We can't keep going on like this Jack! Please, just please talk to me."

Jack was determined to not speak to Piper and tried to shrug her off. When she wouldn't let go he looked her straight in the eyes, pulling her face close to his as he spoke in a low and angry tone, "Let go Piper, I'm exhausted, I don't have time for this."

"You do have time! Why won't you talk to me? I love you Jack, you at least owe me a conversation!"

Those words hit a nerve, and Jack took a tight grip of Piper's shoulders and pushed her as hard as he could into the kitchen wall, making her wince, "I don't owe you a fucking thing Piper, so just leave me alone." He let go of her shoulders and walked towards their bedroom, not looking back at all. Piper was completely shocked, in five years he had never been physical with her. Even though the relationship had been rough in recent months, she still never thought he would hurt her physically. She just kept standing in the kitchen, not sure what to do. Eventually, she gathered herself emotionally and walked towards the bedroom. Part of her wanted to dive into the heroin she'd bought from Alex, which she'd hidden in one of her jewellery boxes. But she didn't want to do it with Jack in the house. So instead, she got undressed and got into bed while Jack was in the shower. She turned off the lights and lay there in the dark, letting the silent tears roll down her cheeks.

Jack finally finished his shower and came to bed, lying with his back turned to Piper as he spoke, "Look, Piper, I'm sorry if I scared you, but I'm tired and all I want to do is sleep. We can talk tomorrow if you want."

Piper didn't bother responding, and kept laying there wondering how the hell she was meant to fix this relationship when he wouldn't even talk to her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The next two weeks went by quickly for Alex, mainly because work kept her busy. She had to get on top of her new list of local clients and started to organise her next trip, which she'd be taking on her own. She was ecstatic that Fahri was finally letting her travel alone, and she was determined to prove that his trust would not be misplaced. Her first overseas trip alone would be short, only two weeks across two Indonesian islands. But Alex was hoping they'd let her travel alone for longer stretches of time once they knew she wouldn't fuck it up.

She hadn't heard from Piper since that first night they met, and Alex still found herself thinking about the blonde most nights when she lay in bed. She didn't know what it was, but Piper had muscled her way into Alex's mind and there was no getting rid of her.

It was a Wednesday night and Alex had invited Diane around to her apartment for Chinese food and beers. No matter what happened, Diane was the one constant in her life, the one person she knew would always be there for her. The two women had finished eating and were getting comfortable on the couch with their beers, "It's been too long since we've done this Al."

Alex knew Diane was right, she'd been so wrapped up in work lately and had shut out the rest of the world. She threw an arm around her mum and pulled her close, "I know mum, works just been getting on top of me lately."

Diane sighed, "I know what it all means to you baby, and I'll never be able to tell you how much I appreciate what you've done for me, but this is going too far."

"Mum…"

"I know Alex, I know. But when this all started you promised me it was short term, that was three years ago. I don't wanna get a call from the cops one day telling me my only kid has been shot dead."

Alex rested her head on Diane's shoulder, letting the older woman stroke her hair. This topic had been coming up constantly lately. For the most part, Diane knew what her daughter did for a living. She didn't know the intimate details, but she knew it wasn't legal. "Mum, I'm careful, I'm not in any danger. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't want you to worry. I just wanna take care of you. You gave up everything to look after me mum, just let me look after you now."

Diane smiled at her daughter. Their lives had never been easy when Alex was growing up, but Diane wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved her daughter more than she could ever put into words, and all she needed was to know she was safe and happy.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper's life was starting to feel like a miserable blur. Ever since Jack had gotten back from his last business trip, she had been walking on egg shells. They exchanged the usual pleasantries, but Piper was convinced he didn't love her anymore. They never had sex anymore, and they had barely kissed or hugged each other in the last two weeks. He still refused to speak about their relationship, and Piper didn't understand why. She didn't understand why he insisted on staying together when they weren't happy anymore. She didn't want to stay in this miserable state forever. They'd been together for five years, and she didn't want to just throw it away, but she was starting to think it was all over. The truth was that Piper wasn't even sure how much she cared about it. She used to love Jack, but it had been so long since she'd felt close to him, she couldn't even remember what it felt like. The one thing she could remember was what it felt like to be close to Alex, to lie next to someone that didn't refuse to touch her, someone who felt warm and safe.

It was Wednesday night and Piper was waiting for Jack to come home from work. She hadn't worked at all that week, and spent most of her days reading and sleeping. She was about to start cooking dinner when she heard the front door open. She didn't bother getting up to kiss him hello, it seemed almost pointless. But he surprised her on this particular night, walking into the lounge room and greeting her with a kiss, something he hadn't done in a long time. "How was your day Pipes?"

"It was okay, pretty quiet actually. And you?" It almost felt awkward, talking to him like this, she wasn't sure what to say.

"Busy, but the good news is I won't need to travel for the rest of the month. I was thinking maybe we could get away one weekend?"

"That would be great," and she really meant it, she wanted to take any opportunity to fix the relationship. The fact that the suggestion came from him gave her hope, it gave her hope that he still loved her.

"Perfect, think about where I can take you." He leaned over to kiss her again, before going to get changed. Piper felt herself start to relax, she was starting to see glimpses of the old Jack, the Jack she fell in love with.

An hour later and the two of them were sitting across from each other eating dinner. It was the first pleasant meal they'd had together in weeks, and it gave Piper the courage to ask him again about their relationship. "Tonight has been so nice Jack, it's been so long since we've just talked like this. I….I want things to go back to the way they used to. I know things haven't been easy since.."

Jack stood up suddenly before Piper could finish, "Why do you need to keep bringing this up Piper! I'm trying to move past it all okay, and I can't do that if you keep throwing it back in my face."

Piper's heart sank, for the briefest of moments she let herself believe things were getting better. She knew Jack was hurting, but so was she, and she wanted him to acknowledge that. "You know it was hard for me too! You act like you were the only one that was hurt by it all!"

She saw the anger in his eyes again as he pulled her up out of her seat and grabbed her by the front of her shirt, "You hurt me Piper!" That was the first time he'd ever admitted how he felt, that he laid some of the blame to his girlfriend, even though there was nothing she could do about it. This was also the first time she actually felt afraid of him. He kept a hold of her shirt as he kept talking, "All I ever wanted was to be a father, that's all I ever wanted!"

"I know Jack, I just want you to acknowledge that it's been fucking hard for me too!"

Jack's emotions boiled over as he took a hold of Piper's arm and squeezed hard, causing her to cry out in pain. She tried to pull her arm away but he still wouldn't let go, he kept his eyes trained on her face. For a moment, Piper thought he was going to hit her, until he finally let go, and walked out of the house. Piper was completely stunned, she didn't know what to do. She just stood in the middle of the kitchen clutching her arm, which had gone bright red and was throbbing. She fought back her tears as she ran to her bedroom and lay down on the bed, pressing her face into the pillow. She tried to remember the smell of Alex's perfume, but it was gone, all she could think about was the pain in her arm.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane left Alex's apartment just before 11pm. Once she was alone, Alex sat on her couch, stretching her legs across the coffee table. Just as she was about to light a cigarette her phone started ringing. She sighed as she pulled it from her pocket, only to be surprised by the name that popped up on her screen, "Well hello Ms Chapman, what can I do for you?"

There was a moment of silence before she finally heard Piper's voice, "Hi Alex. Ummm, I was wondering if you're busy?"

"You called me at 11pm on a Wednesday night to ask if I'm busy?" Alex didn't want to acknowledge how happy she was that Piper had called her, but soon all she could hear on the other end of the phone was heavy breathing, "everything okay Pipes?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just….I wanted to ask if you could come over? I…I wanted to inject again but I don't have any needles."

Although Alex was still relatively new to dealing directly with clients, she knew this was a weird request. But she didn't really mind, it would be nice to see the blonde again, and Alex had no shortage of clean needles. Again, Piper's shaky voice came down the phone line, "Can you come over now?"

"Sure, I'll be there soon." She wasn't sure why, but Alex felt a sudden urgency to get to Piper. She grabbed her vial, a packet of new needles, and headed out the door to her car.

Thirty minutes later she was standing at Piper's front door, waiting to be let in. Alex was worried by what she saw when Piper opened the door, her eyes were red and she looked tired. She looked worn out as she stood there wrapped up in a grey cardigan. "Everything okay Pipes?"

"I'm fine, just a tiring day, you know how it is." Alex dropped her line of questioning and followed Piper into the house. She assumed the boyfriend wasn't home, the house felt very empty. As they were walking, Piper turned around and grabbed Alex's hand as she walked them to her bedroom, "I want to do it in here this time."

"Okay, are you sure you're okay?" Alex felt like it was probably none of her business, they barely knew each other, but there was a certain emptiness to Piper's eyes that night that was unnerving.

"I promise I'm okay, can we do it now?" Alex nodded as she walked over to the bed and got herself set up. Piper handed her the heroin and watched Alex prepare it the same way she had two weeks before.

"Okay kid, ready when you are."

Piper looked up at Alex, almost begging with her eyes, "Please stay with me again?"

Alex's chest tightened at that request, Piper looked completely lost. "Of course, I assume your boyfriend is out for the night?" Piper just nodded and took off her cardigan so Alex could inject her. Alex picked up the syringe and was shocked when she looked at Piper's forearm, it was slightly swollen and was covered in what looked like fresh bruises. Alex gently ran her fingers over the bruises, "What the fuck happened?"

"Nothing, it was a stupid accident."

"It sure doesn't look like an accident, we need to get some ice on this Pipes."

Piper looked at Alex again, this time with glassy eyes, "Please, please do it first and then you can get as much ice as you like."

Alex couldn't take her eyes off Piper's arm, someone had obviously grabbed her hard. But she did what Piper asked, and injected the heroin before she went to the kitchen to see what she could use to help bring down the swelling. Alex returned to the bedroom with a packet of frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel, to find Piper sitting in the same position, staring into space. Alex sat next to her and placed Piper's bruised arm in her lap, gently placing the peas over the bruises.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Piper sat there and slowly shook her head, but she couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her face. Seeing Piper like this broke Alex's heart, all she wanted was to make her feel better. She placed a hand on Piper's cheek and turned her face so they were looking at each other. Alex searched her face, but all she saw was sadness. "Remember what I told you last time I was here? Never let other people make you feel worthless. You don't have to tell me anything, but I wanted to make sure you remembered that." Piper kept her view focussed on Alex's green eyes, before pulling the brunette back on the bed so they could lie together. Piper nuzzled her face into Alex's neck and closed her eyes, letting the high wash over her. She wanted to live in the moment and not think about her relationship with Jack. Right now, with that familiar warm feeling running through her veins, and being able to recapture the smell of Alex's perfume, this was a moment she would happily live in forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _I don't have to think_

 _I only have to do it_

 _The results are always perfect_

 _But that's old news_

Alex lay in silence with Piper for close to an hour, the blonde had no interest in moving or talking. Alex was more than happy to comfort her, but was still worried about the bruises on her arm. She wondered if Piper's boyfriend hurt her, or maybe she was mugged on the way home. Whatever happened, Alex didn't want to push the issue right now. She could feel Piper's breathing even out against her neck as she fell asleep. Alex decided it was best to just let her sleep and see how she felt when she woke up.

Alex was starting to get sore after lying in the same position for so long, and tried to get up without disturbing Piper. Alex stood up and walked towards the bathroom when she heard Piper's sleepy voice, "Alex….are you here?"

Alex walked straight back to the bed and sat next to Piper, "Yeah, of course I'm here, just needed to stretch my legs. How you feeling?" Alex brushed the hair from Piper's face, trying to gauge what she was thinking.

"I don't know, nothing really, but it's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too. I took the ice off your arm, the swelling went down a bit but it looks bad Piper. At least let me take you to the doctor or something."

"It's fine Alex, it's just a bruise." Alex felt Piper reach out and take her arm, bringing it close to her chest as she closed her eyes again.

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but what the hell happened?" Alex looked down at the blonde, who was trying to sleep while she kept hugging Alex's arm.

"Nothing happened."

Alex decided to leave it, Piper obviously wasn't in the mood to answer questions, and Alex wasn't one for prying into other people's private lives.

"So is your boyfriend travelling again?" Alex wanted to spend more time with Piper, but she still had to be careful. The last thing she wanted was for Piper's boyfriend to come home in the middle of her high.

"No, he's just out for the night."

"So let me take you back to my place, you won't need to worry about any interruptions there."

Alex could see Piper thinking about the proposition, but there was something holding her back, "I'm not sure."

"C'mon Piper, surely you're allowed to have a night out when your boyfriend is doing the same?"

Piper smiled at Alex and nodded in agreement. Alex held out both her hands to help the blonde up from the bed, who still looked incredibly tired. Piper reached out and grabbed Alex's hands, but she didn't seem to have any strength left, so Alex leaned in closer than she needed to and pulled Piper off the bed and into her arms. Almost as though on auto pilot, Piper nuzzled her face into Alex's hair and wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist. Alex knew it was only because she was high, but she still enjoyed it, even if she didn't let herself think about it too much. She let Piper hold onto her, as she kept rubbing her face against Alex's neck. After five minutes of standing in the same position, Alex led them out of Piper's house, making sure to grab keys on the way out. Alex helped Piper into the front seat of her sleek black car, and buckled her seatbelt.

They were mostly silent on the drive, as Piper kept nodding off as she leaned her head against the window. Alex kept looking towards the prominent bruises on Piper's arm, she couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Piper didn't seem like the type of person that got into a lot of trouble, even if she had become one of Alex's customers. Eventually, Alex pulled into her parking spot underneath her apartment building. She went around to the passenger side and helped Piper out, although she seemed steadier on her feet at this point. Alex had again been careful to not give Piper too much heroin, and that had been at least two hours ago. It was only the second time Alex had injected heroin into the blonde, but she knew it didn't take much for an occasional habit to get out of control. It was something she'd discuss with Piper when she was sober, even if it wasn't great for her business model.

Ten minutes later and the two women were standing in the middle of Alex's apartment, which was simple but elegant. Alex led Piper to the black leather couch and the two sat down, closer to each other than necessary. Alex reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her familiar tin box of supplies. Another benefit of being in her apartment is that she could enjoy her own high, without feeling like she was putting herself at risk. She noticed Piper watching her closely as she prepared a fresh needle for herself. She didn't usually inject, but there was something about enjoying this type of high with the blonde, alone and safe in her own apartment, that Alex couldn't resist.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper couldn't take her eyes off Alex's hands as she prepared the needle. Every movement was measured and deliberate, but also soft. Alex seemed to include a lot more of the drug in the mix for her own high than she had given Piper, "That looks like a lot."

Those green eyes locked onto Piper's face and a smirk spread across Alex's lips, "I've been doing this a lot longer than you kid." Piper kept watching as Alex took off her leather jacket, exposing the soft skin of her pale arms, which seemed even more beautiful against the black leather of the couch. Alex then reached under the couch and pulled out a long piece of rubber that she tied around her arm near her elbow. Piper couldn't help but speak again, "Why didn't you use that on me?"

Piper was looking into Alex's green eyes again, but this time there was no smirk, and Piper worried that she might have said something wrong. Alex didn't look angry, but she did almost look sad, "It….it gets harder to find the right spot once you've been doing this for a while." For a moment Piper thought Alex almost looked ashamed, like she didn't want to look Piper in the face, which just made Piper want to reach out and touch her even more. Piper reached out and grabbed the loose end of the rubber band from Alex, and pulled tight, helping to reveal a good vein for Alex to achieve her high. The two women locked eyes again, seeming to exchange an unspoken understanding that Piper didn't care how many times Alex had injected heroin, even if it wasn't much compared to most others. Alex eventually seemed to accept Piper's help as she used an alcohol wipe to clean the patch of skin she wanted, before she picked up the syringe. Piper watched closely as the needle point went into Alex's vein, with the familiar site of blood in the syringe for a brief moment before all the liquid disappeared underneath Alex's perfect pale skin.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

As soon as Alex removed the syringe from her arm she let herself drop back against the couch. It had literally been months since she last injected, and she was initially overwhelmed by the familiar hazy feeling that slowly seeped through her whole body. She felt Piper remove the rubber band from her arm, but that was all Alex could register. Alex closed her eyes and let herself be taken away, but all she could see was Diane's face. This was a side of her daughter that Diane had never seen before, and Alex wanted to keep it that way.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper watched as Alex slumped against the couch and closed her eyes, which somehow made her look even more beautiful. Piper went to place the rubber band on the coffee table when she noticed the blood dripping from Alex's arm, at the injection spot. Piper stood up as she went looking for tissues, but found herself getting distracted by the few pictures in Alex's apartment. They were all of the same person, who looked like an older version of Alex. Piper assumed it was her mother or maybe even an older sister. But there were no pictures of anyone else, making her think Alex lived a lonely life. She eventually noticed a box of tissues on the kitchen bench and took one back to the couch where Alex hadn't moved at all. Piper wiped up the blood, and became slightly concerned that Alex still wasn't moving. Piper sat next to Alex and slowly started to brush her fingers against Alex's cheek, moving long stands of black hair out of her face.

"Alex, are you okay?" It took a moment, but Piper was relieved to see those green eyes looking back at her, trying to convey an answer, but never quite managing. Piper felt her own high coursing through her body, and she suddenly felt an overwhelming need to speak to this woman sitting next to her. Piper kicked off her shoes and repositioned herself until she was straddling Alex's lap, each leg on either side of the brunette, who kept her eyes focussed on Piper's face the whole time. Piper looked down at the woman beneath her, placing her hands on Alex's cheeks before she spoke, "Where did you go?"

"Away, I just needed to get away. But kid, if you keep sitting like this, I might just take you away with me." Alex's deep voice sounded completely serious, and Piper suddenly became very aware of the way she had placed herself over the other woman, in a very suggestive way. She went to get off Alex's lap, but was held in place by two hand on her hips, "No, please stay." Just hearing Alex say please, made Piper feel something in her chest she couldn't even describe. The whole moment ceased to be about sexual implications and became something else, just being close to someone else. Truly close, not the sort of forced intimacy she felt with Jack in recent months. This was the sort of intimacy that made Piper want to reach out and touch Alex's soul, but she hadn't quite worked out how.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex reached out and held Piper in place on her lap, she had no intention of letting this moment end. The combination of injecting for the first time in months, combined with the woman sitting on her lap, was making her head spin. All she knew was that she needed to know more, she always ended up wanting more than she should. "What do you see? When you look at me right now, what do you see?"

Alex knew what she was asking, she just hoped Piper did too. She felt the blonde lean in closer and place a hand over her chest, gently running her fingers over the exposed skin from Alex's black v-neck, "I want to see you but you're not there, why are you so sad Alex?"

That was definitely not the answer Alex was expecting, and it completely threw her off guard. She thought she was happy, especially in the last few months. Work was going incredibly well, and she genuinely enjoyed it. She couldn't wait for the opportunity to travel on her own, and see parts of the world that seemed completely out of her reach five years ago. The only other thing that mattered to Alex was looking after Diane, sometimes Alex felt like Diane was the only thing that kept her grounded in life. She wanted to give Diane the world, and the older woman made Alex want to keep herself together. Deep down, it made Alex worry what she would do if she ever lost Diane.

"I didn't think I was sad." Alex was slightly concerned about Piper's insight for the briefest moment before the heroin took her mind away again.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper went to the kitchen and came back to the couch with a bottle of water. She drank from it first before offering it to Alex, who took a small sip. She felt nowhere near sober, but wanted to slip further into a drug induced haze, especially as she looked at the woman next to her. Piper thought Alex was beautiful, she found herself wanting to be near the brunette, even though she still barely knew her.

"Alex, I want more."

Piper watched the brunette's reaction, as she sat up straighter on the couch and took Piper's hand in her own, "No you don't, you need to be careful with this Piper."

"Why?" Piper wanted to know why Alex, who made her living from drug trafficking, was telling her to be careful about how much heroin she took.

Alex never answered, and pushed Piper down until she was lying on the couch, and slowly placed her body on top, closing her eyes as she lay her head on Piper's shoulder. Piper just enjoyed the physical contact, all the time she had spent with Alex made her realise how much she was craving human contact. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander as she wrapped her arms around Alex's waist. Piper had no idea how long they were lying like that, but was jerked out of her haze by the familiar sound of her phone ringing. She moved her hands to Alex's face, trying to wake her up, "Alex, I need to get my phone." Alex didn't respond at first, but eventually rolled off Piper's body and sat herself on the floor next to the couch. She casually grabbed a packet of cigarettes from the coffee table and lit one, while Piper went searching for her phone. She eventually pulled it out of her handbag to see six missed calls from Jack. She wasn't sure what to do, he'd obviously come back home and was looking for her. She didn't think she'd been out that long, until she realised the time on her phone read 3:10 am.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex loved the familiar feeling of the cigarette smoke in her mouth as she inhaled it into her lungs. It also helped her to wake up slightly, she'd lost all concept of time, and her mind was still feeling hazy. She looked up to see Piper clasping her phone, looking worried, "Everything okay?"

Piper seemed lost for words, and not because of the drugs, "I…ummm….yes, I just, I think I need to go home."

Alex walked over to where Piper was standing and wrapped her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on the blonde's shoulder. She was starting to concede to herself that she wanted this woman, she was so different from anyone else Alex had met. The fact that they were both high right now meant Alex didn't need to worry about overstepping the mark. It meant she could do exactly this, wrap herself up in the woman she barely knew and just enjoy it. Alex didn't want to overthink anything at this point, but even through her haze she could tell Piper was nervous about something.

"Why do you need to go?" Alex spoke the words against Piper's neck, wishing they could just melt into each other.

"Jack, my boyfriend, he keeps calling."

Something inside Alex said that she shouldn't let Piper go home alone, "I'll get us a cab, I wanna make sure you get home okay."

Alex swore Piper looked almost relieved at her offer, but she didn't read much into it. The most intense part of their high was over, but they were both still very much caught up in that heroin haze.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex arranged a cab for them, and they were standing outside Piper's front door before midnight. Piper felt her palms sweating, part of her was afraid to go into the house and see Jack. He'd been so different with her lately, she wasn't sure what to expect from him tonight. Piper reached for her keys and opened the door, Alex followed her into the house, which was mostly dark aside from light coming from the lounge room. Both women walked towards the light, until they eventually saw Jack sitting in an armchair drinking a beer. He got up as soon as he saw Piper, "Where the hell have you been Piper? I've been calling you for the last two hours and you never answered!"

Piper could tell he'd been drinking, but he didn't seem drunk, just agitated. "I was with a friend, we were watching a movie and I didn't hear my phone ringing." Piper was so careful to not slur over her words, the last thing she needed was Jack finding out about her drug use.

Jack looked behind Piper towards Alex, "Is this your friend?"

"Yeah actually, I'm Alex." The brunette extended a hand towards Jack, which he ignored.

"Well you can leave now Alex, Piper and I need to talk." He grabbed her by her bruised arm to pull her towards him, making Piper wince in pain. Piper saw the look on Alex's face, and she knew things were about to get heated.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

As soon as Alex sees the way Jack grabs Piper, she knows he's the one that hurt her arm. She doesn't need any more proof, she saw enough of it growing up with Diane's boyfriends. She had seen what physical abuse did to people, and all she knew was that Piper didn't deserve it. In that moment she was almost glad she was still high, it gave her all the courage she needed to confront this guy. Alex moved forward and stepped between Piper and Jack, forcing him to let go of her arm, "Are you the one that nearly tore her fucking arm off?"

"Listen, Alex, you brought Piper home, and now you can leave." Jack tried to push Alex out of the way so he could pull Piper back towards him, but Alex managed to keep her footing. Jack had drank just enough to make him stumble when Alex pushed him back.

"Listen you fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of our house! Piper's a big girl and doesn't need your help anymore." This time Jack walked right up to Alex and shoved her back. Her own balance wasn't great at the moment, and she stumbled back a few steps into Piper.

Alex didn't want to push things any further with Jack, and just wanted to get both herself and Piper out of that house. "I'm not leaving you here Piper, come back to my place tonight." Alex searched Piper's eyes but all she could see was fear, a look that Alex knew all too well.

Jack was slowly getting angrier, and was sick of Alex controlling the situation. This time he grabbed Alex by the shoulders and pushed her to the ground in the lounge room. Alex was still pretty high, and it took her brain a while to catch up with what had just happened. Just as she went to get up she felt something hard hit her in the stomach, and she desperately tried to catch her breath. Before she managed to do anything other than breathe she felt a sharp pain in her stomach again, probably best I'm not sober for this, she thought to herself as she just kept trying to focus on what was happening around her. She struggled to open her eyes through the pain, but she couldn't mistake the sound of Piper's voice, "Jack what the fuck is wrong with you! She's a friend and she made sure I got home!"

Then Alex heard another voice, but this one sounded much further away, "Just get the fuck out of here then!"

Alex thought she could sense someone getting closer, until she felt a familiar touch against her cheek, "Fuck, Alex, can you get up?"

Alex forced herself to open her eyes and sit up. She still felt like she was in a daze, but didn't want Piper to worry. "I'm fine, luckily for me your boyfriend kicks like a little fucking girl." She wanted to break the tension, and was relieved when she saw a small smile spread across Piper's face. "But there's no fucking way I'm leaving you here tonight."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, apologies for the delay with this one. It's my busy period at work so I haven't had much time for writing, but hopefully I can keep it to weekly updates going forward. Many thanks for all the reviews, favs and follows so far, nice to know people out there are enjoying this take on Piper and Alex.**

 **Cheers.**

 _Even if you have a cold still_

 _You can cough on me again_

 _I still haven't had my fulfil_

Piper helped Alex up from the floor of her lounge room and out the front door. Jack had stormed off upstairs, and Piper had no intention of following him. In five years, this was the first time she had been truly afraid of him. This just wasn't him, this wasn't the same man she fell in love with, she was struggling to understand how he had changed so much. Piper completely froze when she saw Jack push Alex to the ground and kick her like that, she never thought he was capable of doing that to another human being, let alone a woman. Piper helped Alex get into the front seat of her car, before getting herself into the driver's seat. She knew she probably shouldn't be behind the wheel but she just wanted to get them both out of there, and everything that had happened in the last ten minutes had gotten her adrenalin pumping.

After she pulled out of the driveway, trying to remember how to get back to Alex's place, she turned to look at the brunette in the passenger seat. Piper was worried by what she saw, Alex seemed to wince with every breath and looked more pale than usual.

"Alex, maybe we should go to the hospital, he could've broken a rib or something."

"No, it's fine, just drive back to my place." Piper kept driving but she was still worried, Alex was leaning her head against the window with both her arms wrapped around her midsection. It sounded like she was struggling to breathe properly, which just made Piper worry more. She put her foot down and drove faster, somehow remembering her way back to Alex's apartment.

No matter how fast she drove, Piper felt like she never got any closer to getting Alex out of the car. Even once they got back to her place, it's not like Piper knew what to do. She wasn't a doctor, she wouldn't have a clue if Alex had any broken bones or if anything else was wrong. Eventually, they got there, Piper didn't remember the last time she felt this much relief. She opened the passenger door and helped Alex out of the car, putting an arm around her as they walked slowly to the apartment. Once they were inside, Piper helped her slowly walk towards the bedroom, and Alex groaned again as she sat down on the bed. Piper thought she looked better than she did in the car, but was obviously still in pain.

"You don't need to have that look on your face Pipes, I'm not gonna die. You have a sore arm, I have a sore side, that's it."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was relieved to finally make it to her bed. Her side still hurt, but breathing was bothering her more. Each time she inhaled her side hurt more, but she wasn't overly concerned. Maybe it was the heroin that made her more relaxed, or the fact that she'd been in a lot more pain before, it was nothing new to her. Although, it had been a long time since she'd found herself on the receiving end of violence.

She could see how worried Piper was though, which she found almost cute. Alex had broken a rib before, and she knew that hadn't happened tonight. She'd be sore for a while, probably a long while, but that would be it. Yeah, she should probably have gone to the hospital, but she didn't want to dwell on it. She was almost tempted to take more heroin to help with the pain but decided against it. She took off her shoes and lay on the bed, on top of the covers, motioning for Piper to join her. The blonde slid up next to her, worry still all over her face.

"I promise you I'm okay Piper, I just wasn't exactly ready for him to do that. I'll be sore for a while, but that's it."

"You could barely breathe in the car! I was worried you would pass out…" Alex reached out to stop Piper, running her fingertips over her cheek and lips. Alex kept her eyes focussed on the other woman, trying to get her to relax and let go of her fear. Piper kept returning the gaze and gently ran her hand over Alex's side, "Are you sure you're okay? I….I didn't want you to get hurt because of me. He's never been like that before, I don't know what's happening to my life."

"I'm fine Piper, just bruised, that's it. But you need to listen to me, you're not going back there tonight, and not tomorrow night. We both need some sleep, we're gonna get cleaned up, and I'll let you fuss over me all you like. But you need to be honest with me now, what's going on between you two?"

Piper tried to forget about what Alex had just said, she just wanted to focus on making sure Alex was okay. But it had all gone too far now. Nicky was the only one that Piper had been honest with about her issues with Jack, and now she was about to share that pain with Alex.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper took a deep breath and moved closer to Alex as they stayed lying next to each other on the bed. She spent so much time and effort trying to forget how difficult her life was at the moment, and now she needed to compose herself before dragging it all up. She moved closer to Alex again until she had her face in the crook of her neck, trying to hold herself together. She tried to focus on her breathing, and was relieved when she felt Alex put an arm around her, pulling her in closer. Piper started talking, but it was barely above a whisper, "I've been with Jack for a long time, fuck, I loved him for a long time. Things had always been good, he was reliable, he was safe, just…..I loved him. I always thought we'd get married and have a family, we started trying for a baby about 12 months ago."

Piper took another deep breath before she kept talking. She felt Alex rubbing her back, which helped her relax before she kept going, "I had three miscarriages, so the doctors did a lot of testing, they thought maybe there was something else going on that….that was causing it."

Piper felt Alex pull her into a proper hug, "Fuck Pipes, I'm so sorry."

"That's when he started to change, he stopped talking, to anyone. I was so depressed, I stopped working full time. I couldn't keep it together anymore, my friend Nicky, she was the only one I could talk to. Anyway, eventually they found out that the shape of my uterus meant it would be almost impossible for me to ever carry to full term."

Piper managed to stop herself from crying, it's like she wasn't even really there. It was like she was telling a story about someone else's life, not her own. Alex gently kissed her on the forehead and kept holding onto her, waiting for her to keep talking. "Ever since we found out, our lives just fell apart. He fucking hates me, my boyfriend hates me. He wanted to be a dad so badly, and now because of me he can't." Piper couldn't hold it in anymore, and started to sob as she thought about how her relationship with Jack had completely broke down.

"It's not your fault Piper, fuck, it's the way you were born, there's nothing you could've done about it."

"He hates me Alex, I ruined his life." Piper was talking between sobs now, she wanted more heroin, she didn't have the energy to let all these emotions take over.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex struggled to believe what she was hearing, "Pipes, you need to listen to me. You did not ruin his life. Life just fucking sucks sometimes, he's got no right to hate you. He should've looked after you, it's hard for both of you."

Alex kept hugging her, she wasn't sure what else to do. She'd never had a real relationship before, let alone thought about having children. It wasn't a situation she could relate to, but she still wanted to protect Piper, and be there to comfort her. "Please Alex, please I need more, you have to give me more."

Piper jumped off the bed and started pulling everything out of her handbag, desperately looking for that small plastic bag. Alex tried to move quickly but after lying down her side felt even more sore, she clutched onto her side as she got off the bed and walked towards Piper. She looked frantic, this is where is could all fall apart so quickly, "No Piper, remember you need to be careful with this! It's not like taking an extra aspirin. I know it hurts right now but trust me, you can't do this every day." Before Alex could keep talking she sneezed twice, causing a sharp pain in her side, "Fuck!" She could feel the pain pulsing through her body as she got down on her knees and tried to regain composure. At least it seemed to snap Piper out of her frantic search, and she immediately knelt down next to Alex and placed a hand on her back, "Shit, just take it slowly Alex. Come on, let's get you back on the bed."

Alex let her place an arm around her body and help her back to the bed, sneezing and coughing were going to be painful for at least a few days. As soon as she was back sitting on the edge of the bed, she pulled Piper down in front of her, "I mean it Pipes, don't do this every day. Don't throw your life away because of him." Alex knew Fahri would be pissed if he heard her saying things like that to a customer, but Piper was different. Alex had seen what both drug abuse and physical abuse did to people, and she did not want to see Piper go down either of those paths. Alex almost felt like she was the only thing that stood between Piper and complete self-destruction.

She kept running her fingers through Piper's hair, trying to keep her calm, "Just stay here with me for a few days, let things blow over, there's plenty of space for you here." Alex kept looking at Piper under she finally nodded in agreement.

"Okay, I'll stay."

Alex was relieved to hear that. She didn't have much on for the next day or so, making it the perfect opportunity for her to spend time with Piper. She knew those thoughts had nothing to do with the heroin, she genuinely wanted to spend time with this woman. Alex genuinely wanted to help Piper, make her feel good about herself again.

They stayed in that same position for a few moments longer, Alex sitting on the edge of the bed with Piper kneeling in front of her, her head now resting in Alex's lap, "I'm so tired Alex."

"Then let's get some sleep."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper felt calmer as she sat with her head resting in Alex's lap, but she still felt lost. She felt like she didn't belong anywhere, at least not with Jack or her family. But right now, she at least felt comfortable with Alex, like at least one person was looking out for her. She was relieved at Alex's suggestion of getting some sleep, but she really wanted to have a shower first. The shower was one place that still made Piper feel good, it gave her the opportunity to clear her mind and forget about her problems. Maybe she spent too much time trying to forget, but it's all she could do to get through some days. But she still didn't want to be alone, and the idea of having a shower with Alex was intoxicating. Not only in a sexual way, but in a deeply personal way. The opportunity to share that type of ritual with this person she felt so connected to, it was too much to resist.

Piper looked up at Alex's face before asking, "Will you have a shower with me before we go to bed?"

She saw Alex pause, considering the offer, "Are you sure?"

Piper answered without any hesitation, "Yes."

Piper stood up before helping Alex get up from her sitting position on the bed, and they linked their fingers together. Piper let Alex lead her to the bathroom, with the shower being more than big enough for the both of them. Piper felt like this was all part of the ritual for her, but it wasn't just about trying to wash away her shitty day, it was about bonding with Alex. The two women stood facing each other in the bathroom, and Piper felt like Alex was waiting for her to take the lead. Piper reached out and grabbed the bottom of Alex's shirt, slowly pulling it over her head and tossing it on the basin. Piper's eyes immediately went to the brunette's side, where she could already see the bruises forming. Something inside her wanted to reach out and touch the bruises, it was her way of forming a connection, of imprinting herself on this person in front of her. While Piper got lost in her own mind, she felt Alex take hold of her hand, and slowly bringing it to her mouth for a kiss before guiding it to the bruises on her side.

"They're just bruises Pipes, that's it."

Piper nodded before removing her own shirt, and continued helping Alex get out of her clothes. This whole exchange was so comforting to Piper, there was no rush or judgement, no words were needed. After she finished undressing herself, Piper reached into the shower and turned on the water, twisting the taps until she was happy with the temperature, and they both stepped in. She looked at Alex as she stood under the water with her eyes closed, obviously enjoying the warm water. Piper had no idea how long they stayed in the shower together, but it had to be at least 30 minutes. It was a different type of closeness, something that felt completely new as they helped each other wash away the day without exchanging any words.

Once they were done, Piper helped Alex dry herself, being especially careful to not press too hard against her side. She then let Alex lead her back to the bed, helping to pull back the covers. Aside from wanting to get away from Jack, Piper also wanted to stay with Alex to make sure she was okay. No matter how many times Alex had said she was fine, Piper couldn't help but worry. Alex got hurt because of her relationship with Jack, and she wanted Alex to know how much that meant to her.

Piper slipped under the covers and couldn't stop thinking about how much she loved the feeling of Alex's skin against her own. The brunette was lying behind Piper and wrapped an arm around her as much as she could with the pain in her side. It reminded her of the first night they spent together. Piper was completely lulled by the feeling of Alex running a hand up and down her arm, and over her thigh. Why couldn't Jack be like this? Why didn't he make her feel this safe anymore? Piper couldn't stop the questions rolling through her head, and she hated it.

Piper rolled over so that she was facing the brunette, she didn't have the energy for words anymore, but it didn't matter. Piper leaned in closer until their noses were touching, and waited for Alex to close the lingering gap.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex leaned in and kissed Piper as softly as she could, slowly raising a hand to the blonde's cheek. Alex wanted that kiss to convey a million different things, as she pulled Piper in closer so she could deepen the kiss. It was the first time Alex realised how badly she actually wanted to kiss this woman, and now there was no turning back. The closer she pulled Piper into her body, the more she felt like she needed to protect her. The idea of Piper going back to her own house at any point suddenly seemed completely unthinkable, everything inside her told Alex she could not knowingly send Piper back there to get hurt again. She pulled back from the kiss and rested her forehead against Piper's, her eyes still closed.

"Just stay here with me," Alex breathed those words against Piper's lips as she leaned in for another kiss. She felt Piper return all her movements, slowly and deliberately. Alex pulled back from the kiss again before whispering, "roll over." Piper let her eyes linger on Alex's face before she rolled back over. Alex shuffled up against Piper's back and again pulled the blonde as close to her as possible without hurting her side. Alex kissed the back of Piper's neck before one final whisper, "try and get some sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _Waking up strong in the morning_

 _Walking in a straight line_

 _Lately I'm a desperate believer_

Piper woke up the following afternoon, she had no idea what time it was, it didn't really matter. She had nowhere to be, she could do whatever she liked. She could still feel Alex's arm around her and her body pressed up against her. Alex's skin felt so warm, and she was still stound asleep. It had been an extremely long night for them both and Piper wanted to stay in bed longer, she had no reason to get up anyway. She closed her eyes again, but after twenty minutes she couldn't get back to sleep. Her mind felt a lot clearer than it did a few hours ago, and she wanted to talk to the woman next to her, "Alex, are you awake?" Piper waited, but Alex was very much asleep.

Piper rolled over and tried again, "Alex…" Piper gently rubbed Alex's shoulder, hoping she'd wake up. Eventually, the brunette started to stir, "Hmmm."

"How do you feel?"

"Sore, fucking sore."

Piper pulled back the sheet to look at Alex's side, which looked a lot worse than it did last night. The bruising had come out in the last few hours, with her side looking like a mess of purple, "Fuck Alex, can you move?"

"Yeah, it looks worse than it is. Any phone calls from the boyfriend?"

Piper checked her phone, there were no missed calls from Jack, but she did have two missed calls from Nicky from earlier in the day. "Nothing from Jack." Piper was relieved that he hadn't tried to contact her, but another part felt almost hurt that he wouldn't try to contact her after a fight like that. She hated herself for still feeling like that, but after five years together, she couldn't help it. Deep down she still wanted him to care about her, even after all the issues they'd had. Piper went to get up but felt an arm pull her back, "Just stay in bed, you know we can do whatever we want today. You don't need to get up, don't need to cook breakfast or do laundry. All you need to do, is stay in bed with me." Piper felt Alex pull her closer again until their bodies were touching.

"I don't usually just spend all day in bed."

"So, you can do it now."

They stayed in bed together for another hour, drifting in and out of sleep, until Piper heard her phone ringing. She reached over and saw the name flashing on the screen, Jack. As though on autopilot, Piper went to answer the call until Alex reached over and stopped her.

"No Pipes, you cannot make it that easy for him. What would've happened if I wasn't there last night? What would he have done to you?"

Piper just stared at the brunette, she knew it was crazy, but after all this time together she still wanted to answer his calls. She knew that if she had gone home alone last night, Jack would've taken his anger out on her instead of Alex. "I can't help it Alex, I still want him to care about me." Piper managed to hold back her tears, she felt guilty as she said those words to Alex, she felt guilty and stupid. Her phone rang again, but this time it was Nicky. Alex gave the phone back to Piper and let her answer.

"Hey Nicky."

Nicky was worried, she knew things between Piper and Jack were rough, and thought the worst when Piper wasn't at home and wasn't answering her mobile. Piper felt bad for making her friend worry, she was the only one that truly stuck by her and supported her in the last 12 months. Piper put Nicky on hold and gently shook Alex by the shoulder to wake her up again, "Alex, is it okay if my friend Nicky comes over quickly? She….she's worried."

Alex was still half asleep and really didn't care if Piper's friend came over, "Yeah whatever, that's fine." Piper gave Nicky the address, she'd be there in an hour.

Alex rolled over, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, she's just worried. She's the only one that knows about what's going on with Jack, aside from you."

Piper felt Alex pull her in close for a quick kiss, "I meant what I said last night Piper, I'm not letting you go back there with him."

"I know, I appreciate it Alex, but I can't stay away forever."

"All I'm saying is that you need time to clear your head, and you can do that here. He doesn't know you're here."

Piper didn't want to talk about it anymore and cuddled into Alex as they stayed in bed longer still. She didn't really know what she was doing with this woman, but it felt good. At the same time she didn't want to just give up on Jack, but she didn't think she was in love with him anymore.

The two women eventually got up and had a quick shower before Nicky arrived. Piper borrowed a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt from Alex, which were slightly too big but she didn't mind. She actually liked wearing Alex's clothes, but again, didn't want to think too carefully about why. Just as Alex was making them coffee, there was a knock at the front door. Piper almost froze, she knew it was just Nicky, but she felt nervous about being honest with her friend about what had happened with Jack in the last two weeks. Alex walked to the door to let Nicky in, and Piper noticed how much slower she was moving compared to last night. Alex had told her she was just feeling stiff and sore, but Piper hated it, it was just a reminder about how her relationship had fallen apart and her life was a mess.

"You must be Nicky, I'm Alex," Alex extended her hand to the shorter woman, who took it before asking where Piper was.

Piper walked towards the front door, it had been a few weeks since she'd seen Nicky, she didn't realise how much she'd actually missed her best friend. Alex stepped aside and let Nicky into the apartment, and Piper didn't waste any time in giving her friend a hug, "You got some explaining to do blondie, what the hell is going on?"

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex wanted to give Piper and Nicky some time alone, it looked like Piper would be doing a lot of talking with her friend. Alex excused herself and went into her office to catch up on emails. She still had to finalise details of her next trip to Indonesia, she would need to organise meetings with some of Kubra's key contacts there and arrange shipments over the next six months. She finalised some flight details and called Fahri to confirm drop offs in the next few days, plus she needed to give him the cash she'd collected from her own customers. Just as she was about to hang up the phone, he wanted more details on her new customers, "How much cash are you generating from the list I gave you? The newbies should be giving us a good boost, they always go hard in the first few months. Let's meet up in a couple days, see how much each of them are bringing in, we need to maximise your local cash flow."

Alex just agreed and ended the conversation. She would need to crunch some numbers before her meeting with Fahri, but she already knew she'd be topping up the cash she was meant to be collecting from Piper. Alex didn't care, she had plenty of cash, but she had to be careful. It wouldn't look good if Fahri ever found out she wasn't maximising her sales from Piper. Even though she considered Fahri a good friend, it was still about business, and he couldn't protect her from Kubra.

She went back into the lounge room to see how Piper and Nicky were going. She saw the two friends sitting close to each other on the couch, Piper was staring straight ahead while Nicky kept looking at her with a worried look on her face. Nicky looked up and saw Alex as she sat down gingerly in the armchair across from the two women, "Thanks, for being there for Piper."

Alex nodded, "Yeah, of course."

Nicky then turned her attention back to Piper, "I'll fucking kill you myself if you go back to him Piper. I know it's hard, but you need to get out, now."

"I know, I'm trying Nick. Alex is letting me stay here while I sort things out."

Nicky looked over towards Alex again, "Can I trust you?"

Alex was a bit taken aback by that question, "Excuse me?"

"I don't know a damn thing about you, and I need to know that Piper will be okay here with you."

"Look, I wouldn't have put myself on the line last night if I was some sort of creep. So yeah, you can trust me." Alex didn't appreciate being questioned by a stranger in her own home, even if she was Piper's best friend.

"I just need to make sure she's okay, no one knows what he's really like." Alex could see the genuine concern and care in Nicky's face, making her move on from her anger. Nicky didn't stay much longer, but demanded that Piper answer her calls and not hide anything from her.

Alex turned her attention back to Piper as soon as Nicky left the apartment, "So I assume you two are close then?"

"Yeah, our parents are friends so we've known each other for a long time, she's always there for me. Sorry if she annoyed you, I don't think she can help herself."

"It's fine Piper, I get it."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper decided to take a nap after Nicky left, speaking that openly had taken it out of her. She had told Nicky everything, from when Jack first grabbed her arm to what happened the night before with Alex. Piper left out the details of her kiss with Alex, and she was pretty sure Nicky didn't suspect anything.

Piper hadn't properly explained her relationship with Alex to her best friend, she'd just said she met Alex at a bar a few weeks ago and they'd become good friends. Piper could see the hurt in Nicky's eyes, wishing that Piper would have gone straight to her instead of a woman she barely knew, but Nicky didn't have all the details. Nicky still had no idea Piper had taken Fahri's number from her phone, and that was the real way she had met Alex. Piper had no idea how Nicky would react, knowing that she had bought heroin from Alex, and she didn't want to find out. Even though it was a habit Nicky had for several years, she always seemed to feel this need to protect Piper, ever since they were kids.

Piper slipped back under Alex's bed sheets and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the smell of Alex's pillow.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex sat in a kitchen chair as Piper slept, it was easier than sitting on the couch or arm chair. Her side just got sorer as the day went on. She knew that would happen, but it didn't make it any less annoying. She had to meet Fahri the day after tomorrow, and she had to be ready for it. She needed to prove she was doing a good job, the last thing she wanted was to jeopardise her upcoming trip. She'd come to know the Indonesian trade very well, and she couldn't wait to get back to it. Just as she was planning out the information she needed to give Fahri, there was a knock at her front door. She wasn't expecting anyone, and was almost nervous as she looked through the peep hole, but it was just Diane. Alex breathed a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door and let her mum in.

"Hi sweetie, I thought I'd swing by after work and see if you wanted to grab an early dinner?" Diane wrapped Alex in a tight hug as she spoke, causing her to groan in pain. She tried to not make any noise, but Diane's arm pressed right against her bruised side.

"What's wrong Alex? Pretty sure I'm not that strong!"

Alex tried to shrug it off, if Diane knew she was hurt, she would immediately think it had something to do with the cartel. She tried to keep her mum on a need to know basis when it came to her work, but she knew there were dangers involved.

"It's fine mum, don't be so dramatic." Alex tried to talk down the situation as she pulled away from Diane and tried to regain composure. Unfortunately, that was no easy task. Alex sat back down in a kitchen chair to help ease the pain. Just as Alex sat down, Piper walked back into the kitchen.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper kept tossing and turning in Alex's bed, she just couldn't sleep. She decided to go make herself some tea, hoping that would help her relax. She would've much preferred to relax herself with heroin, but Alex was adamant that wasn't an option.

As soon as Piper walked into the kitchen she saw Alex sitting in a chair with a pained look on her face and a hand on her side. Piper immediately walked over to her, worried about how much pain she'd been in all day. Piper placed an arm on Alex's shoulder, desperate to help ease the pain, "Al, seriously, we should've gone to the doctors or something this morning."

Piper was so focussed she didn't even notice the older woman that was standing across from her, "Is someone gonna tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex knew she was screwed as soon as Piper walked into the kitchen. Diane already spent enough time worrying about her work, she didn't want her worrying over a few bruises. She also didn't want her knowing how it happened, it would just drag up old memories that would make them both feel shitty.

"I mean it Alex, what the hell is going on?"

Alex looked from Piper to Diane, not sure what to say to either of them, "Nothing's going on okay, it's not what you think it is. Just leave it mum."

Piper felt completely flustered and decided she needed to get out of the apartment. She walked back to Alex's room to put on shoes and grab her hand bag before leaving abruptly, "I'll give you guys some time to talk."

Alex was immediately concerned that Piper would go back to her own house, which was not an option, "Promise me you'll come back." Alex reached out and grabbed Piper's hand, she needed to know Piper would come back to her apartment.

"Of course, I'll be back in a couple hours."

Alex kept holding onto Piper's hand, pulling her close and kissing her cheek before she let her go. Piper smiled at Alex and Diane as she left the apartment.

Diane sat across the counter, looking directly at her daughter, "Okay, now you're gonna tell me the truth."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane kept looking at Alex, she was not going to back down, she would not leave that apartment until she got the truth out of her daughter.

"I promise it's got nothing to do with work, you don't need to worry about that."

Diane didn't know whether to believe her, it wouldn't have been the first time Alex lied to her about work.

"If it's not work, then what is it? I assume it has something to do with the girl that just ran out of here?" Diane kept her eyes trained on Alex, trying to draw an answer out of her.

"Yeah, it's about Piper. I like her, I really like her, she's different mum. But she has a boyfriend."

Diane stopped her before she could keep going, "Alex, come on, when has that ever ended well." Alex had always been head strong, especially as a teenager, but it didn't seem to matter what happened. If Alex wanted something, it was hard to convince her not to pursue it.

"I know, but it's not like that mum. I kissed her last night, and that was it. She stayed here last night, she might be here for a while."

Diane didn't want to interrupt her daughter. It was so hard to get her talking, once she started Diane just let her finish.

"We met at a bar a few weeks ago, we became friends. I knew she had a boyfriend, but fuck, he treats her like dirt mum." Alex didn't want to go into the details, especially on how they actually first met. But Alex felt like she still gave Diane the important details, it was all the stuff that mattered most in her mind.

"I took her home last night, and fuck, he was being a complete asshole. There was no fucking way I was leaving her there, I told her to come with me." Diane kept watching her daughter as she paused for a moment, it was a story that was all too familiar to both women. It was something that Alex never let go from her adolescence, and Diane hated it.

Alex sighed before she kept going, "Anyway, I got in-between them and that's it. He got pissed off, but he'd already hurt her before. I don't know, I couldn't help myself, apparently nothing's changed."

Diane was surprised Alex even acknowledged it was a situation she'd found herself in before. It wasn't something they spoke about very often, it was definitely a topic both women would rather forget. But Diane had never been able to stop the guilt, her actions all those years ago exposed her only daughter to things she should never have seen. Diane reached across the counter and put her hand on top of Alex's, "I know….But please Alex, you need to look out for yourself too. I'm sure she's a sweet girl, but you can't always throw yourself into situations without thinking about your own safety."

"I know, I'm sorry mum. But seriously, she's different."

"And she's got a boyfriend, I just don't want you to get hurt sweetie."

Diane stood up and walked around the counter so she could give Alex a hug, careful this time to not squeeze her side. "You might be able to convince Piper you don't need to see a doctor but that crap won't work on me. Come on, get yourself together, we're going to the clinic. And don't even try to fight me on this, you know you'll lose.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex didn't even bother arguing with Diane, she threw on some fresh clothes and boots, and let Diane help her walk out of the apartment. She felt more stiff than anything else, but would endure a trip to the doctors to put Diane's mind at ease. Mainly because it was a situation that had nearly torn their lives apart when Alex was growing up, especially when she was a teenager. Those memories were never far from Alex's mind. She'd stood back and watched what happened to Diane for too long, she wasn't willing to do that again, no matter who it was.

After an hour of waiting at the clinic, Alex finally saw the doctor and got x-rays done. As she suspected, there were no broken bones, but she'd be bruised and sore for a while. She wanted to lighten the mood as Diane drove them back to her apartment. "Hate to say it, but I told you so."

Diane shot a smirk in Alex's direction. "Thank you Dr Vause! You'll need to remind me where you got that medical education from kid."

Alex laughed, she was relieved the doctor's visit was over. She texted Piper to say she wouldn't be home for a few hours, and they'd arranged for Piper to meet Alex back at her apartment after 6pm.

Diane pulled up her car outside Alex's apartment building and grabbed her daughter's hand, "You need to be more careful kid. I'll come visit tomorrow after work."

Alex kissed her mum goodbye as she made her way back to her front door. That was the probably the most relevant advice she'd received all day. She did need to be more careful, but not just about Jack. She was meeting with Fahri soon, and needed to make sure he didn't suspect any issues with her business relationship with Piper.

 **A/N**

 **Apologies if this chapter is a bit meh, I just have an epic ear ache at the moment. Please review, is this flowing ok?**

 **Cheers.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**

 **Hey guys, here is Chapter 7, and yes thank you the ear ache is gone. I know I didn't quite manage to update this within one week of Chapter 6, but apparently I make horrible life decisions :P Please read and review.**

 **Chapter 7**

 _She seems to think_

 _She seems too weak_

 _She takes a week to get over it_

Alex got comfortable on the couch while she waited for Piper, it was after 7 pm and she felt exhausted. She started to doze off when her phone went off, it was a text message from Piper. She was on her way back to the apartment and had picked up dinner for both of them. Alex got up to unlock the front door and lay back down on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself as she closed her eyes. She had never been very good at thinking ahead, that always seemed to lead to disappointment. Expecting too much from life, or letting herself want something too badly, it always seemed to end with her getting hurt. From her real father, to anyone Diane brought home, to even not wanting to eat dinner alone when she was growing up. So she learned to live in the moment, and lower her expectations about life. But she couldn't stop her mind wandering when it came to Piper, her mind always wandered to the blonde. All Alex knew was that she wanted more time with her, she would figure out a way to work things out with Fahri. She did not want to encourage Piper to buy more heroin, and to be honest she didn't want her to go back to Jack, at any point.

She'd help her find another place to live, help her get a job, it didn't matter. It had been a long time since Alex felt so strongly about anyone in her life, aside from Diane. It was scary, but there was no stopping it.

But she also didn't want to overstep the mark and scare Piper away, her life was hard enough at the moment. It all felt crazy, they'd only known each other for a few weeks, but Alex still wanted her. She closed her eyes and let her head hit the pillow, thinking about Piper as she let her mind drift off to sleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper was about to knock on Alex's front door when she realised it wasn't locked. She let herself into the apartment, carrying a bag of Thai food she picked up around the corner. She walked into the kitchen to put down the food and then noticed Alex asleep on the couch. She hadn't stirred at all, having wrapped herself up tightly in a blanket.

Piper walked into the lounge room and knelt down next to the couch, just watching Alex while she slept. She leant in and kissed the brunette on the lips, wanting to wake her up in the gentlest way possible. "Alex, I'm back, are you hungry?"

Piper kept looking at Alex, brushing the hair out of her eyes. She looked like she wanted to keep sleeping, like there was no way she'd let go of that blanket, "Mmmhh, you taste like coffee."

Piper smiled into Alex's lips, "I went and had coffee and cake when I left, did some thinking."

Alex finally opened her eyes properly, looking back at Piper, "What were you thinking about?"

"Just how crazy the last few weeks have been." Piper felt Alex's hand on her cheek, pulling her back in for another kiss, but this one was longer. Piper could almost feel Alex trying to convey her emotions in that kiss, pulling her in inch by inch.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, smells good." Piper held out her hands and helped Alex get up from the couch, leading her into the kitchen.

Alex got out the plates and cutlery, while Piper put the food on the table, along with a couple of beers. They sat across from each other at the kitchen table, eating mostly in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It wasn't like the dinner's Piper had with Jack lately, where the silence was tinged with an underlying anger. This was different, it was a comfortable silence. But Piper wanted to get something off her chest, "My mind is a mess at the moment, I can't think straight. I don't know how to fix my life."

"Don't think of it like that Piper, step one is just looking after yourself for a while, then worry about everyone else."

Piper took a deep breath, before saying what she really wanted, "Do you have any needles?"

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex locked her eyes onto Piper's as soon as she heard that question, it is not what she wanted to hear, "No Piper, you can't do it every day, no matter how much you want it. If you inject every day….it'll get messy okay. Just call me instead."

Alex felt an unfamiliar burning in the pit of her stomach. She'd never had to witness the impact her job had on people, now it was staring her in the face. Sure, do it once in a while, but keep control of the situation. In front of her was someone that was hurting, that had almost no control over their life. Right now heroin made it all better, and Alex introduced her to that without a second thought.

"I'm not gonna call you every time I'm having a bad day Alex."

"Why not?" Alex kept her eyes on the other woman, who just kept staring at her food.

"Don't take this the wrong way but I don't think you're a very good drug dealer." Piper finally looked back up with a smirk across her lips, Alex couldn't help but laugh.

Alex's laughter was cut short when Piper's phone started to ring, it was Jack, "Don't answer it." Alex's heart felt heavy for the woman in front of her, Piper's eyes filled with tears as she looked at her phone.

"What am I meant to do? I can't ignore him forever Alex. Our lives are still connected. Fuck, I don't know what to do!" Piper stood up abruptly and started pacing around the kitchen, Alex got up slowly and tried to stop her. Words seemed useless at the moment, so Alex pulled Piper into a hug and gently rubbed her back.

"Please just try and look after yourself Pipes, then worry about the rest." Alex kept rubbing circles on the blonde's back, she didn't know what else to do. "It hasn't even been a day since your last fight, you need to take some time. We can do whatever you want, just tell me what you need."

Alex could feel Piper's tears hit her shoulder as she started to quietly sob, clutching onto Alex tighter. "It's okay, shhh, I've got you Piper. Tell you what, we are gonna get comfortable on the couch with a blanket, and watch horrible movies while we have a few drinks."

Alex could still feel Piper's sobs rip through her body, her voice barely above a whisper, "Please Alex, please, it's not enough." Piper was practically begging her for heroin, and Alex hated it. There was no way she was going to let Piper inject again so soon, but she thought maybe a small bump would help her get through the night. Alex led her to the bathroom, where she reached into the top drawer and pulled out a small glass vial. She took Piper's hand and emptied a small amount of the powder onto her thumb, "It won't hit you as hard this way but it'll still help." Alex watched as the blonde brought her thumb carefully up to her nose and inhaled the powder. She started coughing, and Alex handed her a glass of water.

Alex had her own bump while Piper finished drinking, and then pulled her into another hug. She felt Piper pull back before bringing their lips together for another kiss. Alex intertwined their fingers and led them back to the lounge room so they could sit on the couch. Alex let Piper lean into her chest, while Alex pulled the blanket over them. Alex lay down properly on the couch, and Piper kept her head on Alex's chest as she closed her eyes. All Alex wanted was to fall asleep in that exact position, with Piper resting against her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper slowly opened her eyes, she had no idea how long they'd been asleep on the couch for, all she knew was that they needed to go to bed. She kissed Alex softly on the lips in an attempt to wake her up. Alex eventually opened her eyes, and let Piper lead her to the bedroom, where they were soon asleep again, tangled in each other.

Sleep felt so much different to Piper on heroin, it almost felt like a haze, one that she couldn't bring herself to wake up from. They both slept in late the next day, with Piper insisting they got up when the clock hit midday. Just as she was about to suggest they go out for lunch, Alex's phone started ringing. Piper couldn't help but wonder who it was, she assumed it was probably one of her bosses. It was hard to not notice that whenever Alex's phone rang, she answered immediately. She didn't want to think about the reality of Alex's job, what it meant for her lifestyle and safety. Piper still didn't know what she was doing with Alex, or what she ultimately wanted to do about Jack.

Once Alex was off the phone, Piper was about to suggest getting lunch when Alex spoke first. Her face was a mix of emotions that Piper couldn't quite decipher. "That was my boss, the guy you spoke to, Fahri."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, my work schedule's just jumped around a bit. I was meant to be travelling overseas in a few weeks, but they've had to bring it forward, I need to leave tonight."

Piper felt her heart sink, she wasn't ready to be left alone, "Oh…" She didn't know what to say, at least she didn't want to say what she was really thinking. "But you're still in a lot of pain, you can't exactly move around properly yet."

Piper could see the concern on Alex's face as she walked towards Piper and grabbed her hands, "I'll be fine, nothing some pills won't fix, it's you I'm worried about. Look, it'll only be for a couple of weeks, but I still want you to stay here. I can leave you some money, and you can just stay. You'll be safe here, please promise me you'll stay here?"

"I….I don't know Alex." That was the truth, Piper didn't think she could just hide out in Alex's apartment for two weeks and completely ignore Jack the whole time. That would never work, but at the same time Piper didn't want to go back home yet, she wasn't ready. She didn't want to stay on her own, she wanted Alex to stay with her.

"This isn't negotiable Piper, you're staying here." Alex rushed off into her office and came back with a small black handbag. "There's some cash in here, use it while I'm gone. And here's a spare set of keys."

"Alex, you've already done so much, I can't take your money."

"Yeah, you can. My apartment will just be empty anyway, so you might as well stay. And you can pay me back the money one day if you're that worried about it."

Piper felt so grateful towards Alex in that moment, besides Nicky, this woman was helping her more than anyone else ever had. "Okay, I'll stay. Thank you Alex."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex smiled back at Piper before going to her room to quickly pack a bag. She was still excited for the trip, but she really wished it hadn't been pushed forward. It's not like she had a choice either, Fahri called her and said she needed to go tonight and he had already booked the ticket. There was no arguing with him, no asking to delay it. In this world you do as you're told, and nothing goes wrong. Alex knew she wouldn't be able to get Piper out of her mind the whole time she was gone, she wasn't convinced that the blonde wouldn't go back to the house with Jack. But there was nothing she could do about that, all she could do was try and convince her to stay and hope for the best. Once she was relatively confident she'd packed everything she needed, she walked back to the kitchen to say goodbye to Piper.

"I'm really sorry Piper, but I have to leave now. I'm meeting Fahri first to pick up some stuff then heading straight to the airport. I'm gonna call you while I'm gone, just to make sure everything is okay." Alex ran her hand down Piper's arm, she looked so sad, which made Alex feel so much worse. She pulled the blonde into her for a hug, dreading the moment when she had to leave.

"Will you be okay?" Alex whispered into her ear while still hugging her tight.

Piper exhaled against Alex's shoulder, it sounded like she was trying to get rid of the weight of the world, "I'll be fine, I'll be here when you get back."

Alex pulled back, giving Piper one more look and a kiss on the cheek before grabbing her bag and leaving the apartment.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper felt completely lost for the rest of the day, she didn't feel ready to be alone. She decided to do a couple more bumps and then fell asleep on the couch all afternoon. It was so much easier than being awake, she didn't want to think about waking up alone in Alex's apartment.

Late afternoon soon turned into evening when Piper was woken up by a knock at the front door. She was startled at first, she didn't really want to answer the door to one of Alex's bosses. She slowly got up from the couch and looked through the peep hole, instantly recognising the woman on the other side. She straightened out her hair before opening the door.

"Hi Diane."

The older woman smiled at her as she stepped into the apartment, "Hi, Piper right?"

"Yeah. Alex isn't actually here, she ended up needing to travel for work."

"Oh, was everything okay?"

"I think so, I didn't really get all the details." The two women shared a knowing look, Diane tried to not pry into Alex's work life, but the added element of overseas travel was making her nervous.

"Alex never has been good with giving people the details. I told her yesterday that I'd come over tonight for dinner."

Something inside Piper told her to not let this woman walk out of the apartment. She was clearly rattled by Alex not telling her she was going overseas, and was now standing in her daughter's apartment with a complete stranger.

"Why don't you stay and we can have dinner?"

Diane seemed to contemplate the offer before responding, "Sure kid, why not."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

After they'd ordered food from a Greek restaurant around the corner, Diane decided to try and spark up the conversation. Piper looked like a nervous mess, and Diane wanted to put her at ease, "So you're staying here while Alex is gone?"

Piper kept intertwining her own fingers as she spoke, "Yeah, she wouldn't take no for an answer."

"That sounds like Alex."

"Your daughter has done so much for me, she's an amazing person."

Diane could tell that Piper was being completely sincere, it seemed that Alex had struck a chord with this young woman.

"You and Alex seem very close."

Diane thought about that for a moment, all they'd had for so long was each other. But at least when Alex was growing up, Diane could keep an eye on her, make sure she was safe. They were still close but it wasn't the same, and Diane worried a lot more. It was almost as though they'd switched roles somewhere along the way. When she was younger and still living with Diane, Alex spent a lot of time worrying about her mother. Diane still felt guilty about some of the things that happened, she felt like some of those things left behind permanent marks on her daughter, marks that led her to the cartel. But every time Diane tried to talk about it, Alex shut her down.

Diane looked at the young woman in front of her, feeling like Alex wanted to protect Piper in ways she could never protect Diane.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was exhausted after one week in Indonesia, it was more intense than she was expecting. It was a lucrative market but also a dangerous one, meaning she had to take extra care with everything she did. Even though it was tiring, she still enjoyed it, she was determined to prove she was good enough. She'd spoken to Piper once in her first week away, but she was still worried about how the blonde was coping. During their one conversation, Piper insisted she was fine, and still staying at Alex's apartment.

Alex had also spoken to Diane, but she ended up spending most of the conversation trying to convince Diane she was okay. She was also surprised when Diane asked her about Piper, "How is Piper coping with you being away?"

"Well, she tells me she's doing okay, I guess I'll just have to take her word for it."

"I can check on her if it'll make you feel better Alex."

Alex wasn't sure what to say. Part of her wanted to say yes, because it would make her feel a lot better to hear Diane's opinion on how Piper was doing. But she also didn't want to drag her mother into the situation. She didn't want Diane to feel obligated to do things like that every time she travelled, and she didn't want to drag up bad memories. She didn't realise how long she'd been silent before she heard Diane's voice again, "It's okay sweetie, I can check on her."

Alex sighed into the phone, she was getting so frustrated with herself. All of these feelings she'd managed to bury so long ago were surfacing again, and she hated it.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

After Alex had been away for two weeks, Diane went to the apartment to check on Piper. She knocked first, but after waiting a few minutes there was no answer. After knocking again there was still no answer. She looked through her handbag until she found the spare keys Alex gave her when she first moved in. Diane walked into the apartment, trying to keep her nerves under control as she looked for Piper.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _I wear my shades so our eyes don't meet_

 _I'm scared every fucking day_

 _I wear my headphones so I can't hear what you say_

Diane moved through the kitchen and lounge room, the lights were on but she couldn't see Piper. Then she heard what sounded like crying coming from Alex's bedroom. She walked slowly towards the room, with the sounds getting louder and louder. She stopped when she got to the door and knocked lightly, "Piper, it's Diane, is everything okay?" All Diane heard was more crying, so she slowly opened the bedroom door to see what was happening. It was dark, but there was just enough sunlight shining through the blinds to see a figure lying on the bed. As Diane walked closer to the bed she could see it was Piper. The young girl had her face buried in Alex's pillow as she tried to control her crying. Diane sat on the edge of the bed and spoke softly, "What's going on Piper? You can tell me." Diane reached out and put her hand on Piper's shoulder, trying to calm her down.

Diane kept rubbing Piper's arm and let her cry. Eventually, the sobs got quieter and Piper sat up on the bed next to Diane. Piper finally spoke, and Diane struggled to understand her, "He locked me out."

Diane brushed the blonde hair from Piper's face, trying to understand what was going on, "Who locked you out Piper?"

Piper kept talking quietly between sobs, "My boyfriend, Jack. I went to the house today to pick up some clothes, and I wanted to talk to him. We haven't spoken since that night that Alex…." Piper's voice drifted off and silent tears kept rolling down her cheeks. Diane put an arm around her, encouraging her to keep talking.

"When I got to the house I couldn't get in, he changed the fucking locks. It's like he doesn't even fucking care!" Piper's sobs got louder again as she spoke. Even though she didn't know the young girl very well, she was obviously in pain. Unfortunately it was a pain Diane understood all too well. Diane pulled Piper into a hug in an attempt to calm her down.

"You can't think like that Piper, trust me on this. You don't have to say anything else to me, but I do want you to listen." Diane felt Piper nod in agreement against her shoulder, she seemed to be calming down again.

"Make sure you don't go back there on your own, bring someone with you. Alex will be back next week, have you spoken to her much?"

Piper pulled back from the hug to look Diane in the face, "Just a couple of times, she seems pretty busy. I…..this probably sounds ridiculous, but I really miss her."

Diane smiled, "It doesn't sound ridiculous at all, I know you two are close."

The two women sat in silence for a few moments as Piper slowly regained her composure. It was starting to get dark, and Piper was dreading spending another night alone without Alex.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper finally managed to calm herself down and stop crying, she didn't even have the energy to feel self-conscious about the fact that Diane had just seen her in the middle of a break down. The older woman reminded her so much of Alex, her presence had a certain comfort to it. Diane started speaking again while Piper was still lost in her own mind, "Have you eaten anything today?"

Piper started shaking her head, "No."

"What if we go grab some dinner, it might make you feel better."

Piper was starting to feel hungry but she couldn't bring herself to leave the apartment, "Can we just eat here?"

Diane gave her a small smile, "Of course, what do you feel like?"

"Anything is fine, thanks Diane."

Diane left Piper in Alex's bedroom and went to get dinner for them both. Once she was out of the apartment building and walking down the street, she immediately pulled out her phone.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex had finally managed to get some time to herself, she was exhausted. Even though she enjoyed being able to take control of work situations in the last two weeks, she was looking forward to going home. She was hoping she'd only be in Indonesia for one more week before she could head back home. She was just about to lie down when her phone started to ring, she was worried when she saw Diane's name flash on the screen.

"Hey mum."

"Hi Al, do you have time to talk?"

Alex could feel her heart pounding in her chest, "Yeah of course, what's going on?"

"I just went to see Piper, she's doing it tough Al, she misses you."

Alex's heart constricted in her chest, all she wanted to do was jump on a plane home, but that wasn't an option. "I miss her too."

"She was crying when I went to your apartment tonight, now I'm just going to get her dinner."

"Fuck, I can't get back home for another week."

"I'm not telling you to jump on a plane right now Alex, I'm just letting you know what you're coming back to. It won't be easy"

Diane ended the call with Alex and promised to call back tomorrow. She was hoping the blonde would manage to stay calm until Alex got back home, but it seemed like that would be a struggle.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The next few days went by slowly for Piper, all she could do was wait for Alex to get back. She called Jack several times but he never answered, this was his own form of revenge. It was a Wednesday night and Piper was struggling. She'd called Nicky earlier asking if she could come over, but it just went to voicemail. Piper found herself walking around the apartment, everything reminding her of Alex. She walked into the bathroom looking for a hairbrush. As she started rummaging through the drawers her eyes caught a small glass object, it was Alex's vial, still with heroin in it. Piper picked it up and walked back into the lounge room, sitting herself on the couch. She slowly rolled the glass vial between her hands, trying to decide what to do. Eventually she couldn't help herself anymore, and pulled off the metal top, tipping out two small piles of the white powder.

Piper inhaled as much of the drug as she could before slumping back on the couch. She closed her eyes and let her mind swim. All she wanted to do was sleep without dreams, she hadn't had a decent sleep since Alex had left two and a half weeks earlier. But the brunette would be back this weekend, and Piper couldn't wait to see her. She lay back on the couch and pulled Alex's blanket over herself. She closed her eyes and thought about how good the weekend would be, not once did her thoughts drift to Jack or her family.

Two hours passed by and Piper stayed sleeping on the couch. Nicky had finally checked her voice messages and had tried to call Piper three times. But Piper slept through all those phone calls. She also managed to sleep through Nicky knocking on the apartment door for a steady five minutes before she finally realised what was happening and got up to see who it was. Part of her hoped it might be Jack, even though he had no idea where she was. She looked through the peep hole to see it was Nicky, which made her smile to herself, she hated being on her own at the moment.

Piper opened the door and let Nicky in, "It's good to see you Nicky." Piper still felt drowsy, but she was still so relieved to see her best friend. She led Nicky into the apartment and into the lounge room, where they both sat on the couch. Piper was asking Nicky what she wanted to drink, but her friend wasn't answering. Piper turned to face her friend and followed her gaze, which was fixed on the coffee table. Piper quickly realised what Nicky was staring at, it was the half empty vial Piper had left out.

"What the hell is that?"

Piper froze, "It's fine Nick."

But Nicky wasn't willing to let it go, "No Piper, just tell me what's going on. Where did you get it?"

Piper was suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion, this conversation felt too hard. She also felt it was unfair for Nicky to judge her about this, considering her own drug habits.

"Pipes c'mon, why would you wanna go down this path?"

"For the same fucking reasons you did Nick!" Piper exploded, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She didn't want to upset Nicky, but she was sick of the judgement. She just kept going, "Why is it okay for you and not me?"

Piper kept her eyes trained on Nicky, who just looked defeated, "It's not okay for me Pipes. I know what it can do to a person, I don't want that happening to you."

All Piper could hear was Alex's voice echoing through her mind with the same message, _don't do it all the time, you need to be more careful._

"Nothing bad is happening to me, but I felt like I was losing my mind Nick."

"Where did you get it from?"

Piper hesitated, "Alex."

"I thought she was meant to be looking after you Pipes!" Nicky was standing up and pacing around the lounge room. Piper didn't want Nicky to get the wrong idea about Alex. Alex did look after her, both physically and emotionally.

Piper's voice was strained, "She does look after me Nicky, please don't get angry at her."

Nicky stopped pacing and walked back towards Piper, "What are you doing with this woman Pipes? How did you even meet her?"

Piper couldn't be bothered lying to her friend about how it all started, but she was determined to make Nicky understand that Alex wasn't bad, that Alex was the only thing that had kept her sane in the last month. "I….I looked through your phone one night. You'd talked about that guy called Fahri, I got his number and called him. He arranged for me to meet Alex."

Nicky looked back at Piper wide eyed, "Fuck Piper! Alex works for Fahri? That is a dangerous group Piper! Please, please just get your stuff and come home with me, you can stay with me."

Piper knew Nicky was just worried about her, but she still wasn't listening, "I'm not going anywhere Nick! I want to stay here, I'm safe here, and I want to wait for Alex."

"Where the fuck is she anyway? If she's so great at looking after you, why isn't she here?"

Piper paused before she looked Nicky in the eye again, "She had to travel for work."

Nicky had a wry smile on her face, knowing exactly what that meant, "Right, travelling for work, because she's a fucking drug dealer Pipes."

Piper didn't have any fight left in her, she either wanted Nicky to calm down or just leave, "I think I'm falling in love with her."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex had two more days left in Indonesia, then she'd be flying back home. She couldn't wait to see Piper, not only because she was worried about her, but because she missed her. Alex had been thinking about Piper non-stop ever since she got on that plane, Alex actually couldn't remember the last time a single person occupied her mind like this. She knew she had feelings for Piper, but she didn't want to think about it too carefully just yet. Right now her focus was just getting through the next couple of days. Given she'd left home so abruptly, she never had the chance to catch up with Fahri to go through sales from her current client list. Fahri had flown to Indonesia a few days ago to do some work of his own. He wanted to sort out the local sales with Alex before they both flew back home. She found herself sitting in his apartment as they went through the details. She'd put her own money towards the sales she should have been making from Piper, he seemed to believe her.

"This is good Alex, any of them been giving you trouble?"

"No, no it's all been pretty smooth."

Fahri sat there and counted through the cash Alex had given him, his next words making her extremely uncomfortable, "I think you can probably start getting more out of the new girl, Piper. She's hooked right?"

"Yeah," Alex tried to sound casual and hide the tremble in her voice.

"Good, start getting her to buy more, the others are already pretty steady. And hey, you've done a good job here Alex, it's been a good few weeks for you. This sort of work won't go unnoticed."

"Thanks Fahri." This was the first time since joining the cartel that Alex wished she could go unnoticed. She needed to come up with a long term solution, a way to get Piper off Fahri's customer list, without compromising their safety. But there was nothing she could do about it just yet, and all she could think about was how amazing it would be to see the blonde again.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was Sunday morning and Piper was sleeping in Alex's bed, she could still smell the brunette all over everything. She knew she'd be coming back soon but wasn't sure of the exact time, she lay there and smiled at the thought of seeing her again. She'd also spent a lot of time thinking about Nicky, they spoke for hours the other night. But Piper could tell Nicky still didn't like Alex, and hated the idea of Piper staying at Alex's apartment. Piper could also tell that Nicky was hurt at the fact that Piper didn't go to her for help. That instead, Piper kept running to Alex for help, instead of her best friend. Nicky went completely silent when Piper admitted she was falling in love with Alex. It was something she'd been trying to avoid acknowledging, but it felt good to finally admit it. She knew it was all wrong and she could probably never have a normal life with someone like Alex, but she couldn't help it.

Nicky was shocked at Piper's confession, not because Alex was a woman, but because of how fast it had happened. Nicky herself was gay, and wasn't surprised by people's feelings when it came to sexuality. But she was surprised that Piper seemed to be falling in love with someone like Alex. Piper tried to explain how sweet Alex was, how she had looked after Piper and insisted she stayed at her apartment while she was gone. How Alex had wanted to protect Piper from Jack, and was willing to put herself in harm's way to make sure Piper didn't get hurt. By the end of the conversation, which went for half the night, Piper wasn't sure what her friend was thinking. At the end of it, all Nicky said was that she wanted Piper to be safe and happy, but she still wanted to scope out Alex for herself.

Piper slowly drifted back to sleep, thinking about what it would feel like to kiss Alex again.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was finally standing outside her apartment door again just after midday on Sunday, she was relieved to be back. She walked into the lounge room, wheeling her suitcase behind her, she couldn't see Piper anywhere, and hoped she hadn't decided to go back to Jack. The first thing she wanted to do was shower and get into some fresh clothes, she went into her room to get what she needed when she saw Piper asleep in her bed. The lights were off but there was just enough light escaping through the curtains to let Alex recognise her. She had herself wrapped up in the sheets, with her face buried in one of Alex's pillows. She was wearing one of Alex's black tank tops that she wore to bed, which just made Alex want her more.

Alex slowly walked towards the bed as quietly as possible, slipping off her black boots and jacket as she got into the bed. She moved across the mattress until she was next to Piper, who was facing her as she continued to sleep. Alex leant down and kissed her on the lips, before gently running a hand over her cheek, "Piper, I'm back."

Piper slowly opened her eyes until she saw who was lying next to her. She reached out her arms and pulled Alex into a hug, Alex could feel her trembling, like she was trying to hold back her emotions. Alex kissed Piper on the cheek before pulling her in closer, "I missed you, part of me was worried you might not be here when I got back."

Piper didn't say anything and kept hugging Alex, almost as though she wanted to make sure this was real. Piper pulled back from the hug and kissed Alex again, running her tongue over her lips, before slipping it into the brunette's mouth. Alex was taken aback at first, but found herself kissing Piper back, she stopped thinking properly and let her instinct take over. She lay Piper on her back and moved so she was straddling the blonde's waist. She ran her hands underneath Piper's top, enjoying the feel of the warm skin underneath her fingertips. She kept her eyes locked onto Piper's as she let her fingers explore further under Piper's top until she was touching her breasts. Alex waited to see if Piper wanted her to stop, but the blonde look back at her with eyes that begged her to keep going. Alex kept slowly massaging Piper's breasts, the softness and warmth under her finger tips just made her want more. She leaned down to kiss Piper again, the whole experience becoming a sensation overload for Alex. Everything about that moment, the taste of Piper's mouth, the feel of her skin, the shivers that went through Alex's body as she felt Piper's fingers run through her hair, it was almost too much. Alex finally realised that she'd never actually felt this way about anyone before, she'd never felt this much want before. She felt Piper put her arms around her back and pull her down closer, until their bodies were lying against each other. Alex rested her head against Piper's chest and let herself relax, still feeling those fingers running through her hair. It was scary, how complete Alex felt in that moment and she thought there was a good chance Piper felt the same way. Alex closed her eyes, exhaustion starting to settle in, when she heard Piper's voice for the first time that day, "I'm falling in love with you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _One more quirky clichéd phrase_

 _You're the one I wanna refill_

Alex wasn't sure what to say when she heard those words slip through Piper's lips, so again she let her instincts take over. She kissed Piper once more, but harder this time as she started to grind her hips against the blonde below her. She felt Piper grip onto her hips hard, desperate to pull their bodies as close together as possible. Alex bit down on Piper's lower lip as she felt that need grow inside her. Alex moved her mouth across Piper's jawline, keeping her hands firmly on the blonde's abdomen to hold her in place. Alex moved her mouth with purpose, biting Piper's neck as she made her way down to her chest. Piper moaned as she tightened her grip on Alex, letting her eyes roll back as she felt Alex's tongue graze over her breasts. She started to let her hands wander over Alex's body, managing to unbutton her jeans in the heat of the moment. Piper couldn't wait anymore, she needed to touch the woman on top of her. Piper couldn't remember the last time she felt such a need to touch another human being, but she needed to experience that intimacy with Alex. She needed to remember what it felt like to be intimate with someone you loved.

Alex was used to being the one in control, but as soon as Piper unbuttoned her jeans, she felt those familiar butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She smiled into their kiss as she felt Piper slip her hand inside her jeans to touch her core. Alex wasn't used to relinquishing control, and pushed herself harder against Piper as she kissed her roughly. But this was one situation Piper wanted to control, she had a burning need to touch Alex.

Piper pushed Alex to her side and was now straddling her lap, quickly moving to pull off Alex jeans and her underwear. She looked down to see Alex smirking up at her, obviously enjoying this side of Piper. Piper took each of Alex's wrists in her own and held them down firmly against the bed as she took one of Alex's nipples in her mouth, running her tongue over the sensitive spot in quick motions. She could feel the brunette squirming underneath her as her breathing becoming quicker. Piper crashed her lips in Alex's as she leaned her head back, with Alex moaning into the kiss. Now Piper was the one smiling into their rough kisses as she took complete control of the situation, she could feel Alex trying to move her hips against her, wanting more contact, _needing_ more contact. Part of Piper wanted to drag it out and drive Alex crazy with want, but another part couldn't wait any longer to touch her properly.

Piper kept her lips firmly on Alex's as she let go of one wrist and moved her hand towards Alex's centre. As soon as Piper slipped her fingers inside Alex's folds she felt how incredibly wet she was. Alex moaned again as Piper ran her fingers in circles over Alex's clit, still moving her hips to get more contact with Piper. All Alex could think about was how different all this felt. This wasn't anything like sex with the random girls she usually brought back to her apartment, this felt completely new. Then she realised, this is what it feels like to be with someone you love. Before Alex could take that thought any further, Piper moved her mouth to Alex's ear as she kept rubbing her clit, "Tell me what you want."

Alex struggled to even respond properly, but she definitely knew what she wanted (and needed) from the blonde, whispering back, "Fuck me."

Piper didn't hesitate and slipped two fingers inside of Alex, who threw her head back again and wrapped her arms tightly around the blonde, pulling her in close so she could reach her lips. Piper kept moving her fingers against Alex's g-spot, pushing her closer towards the edge, "Fuck, Piper, mhhhh."

Piper was acting on pure instinct, and could feel the heat building in her own core as she kept kissing Alex. Feeling the vibrations of Alex's moans against her lips was driving Piper crazy, and she could feel Alex getting wetter and wetter.

Piper placed her mouth over Alex's breast again, sucking and licking as she continued to move her fingers inside. Piper took a nipple in between her teeth and felt Alex's walls tighten around her fingers. Piper couldn't stop looking at Alex writhing beneath her as she managed to get out one more word, "More." Piper didn't hesitate in slipping another finger inside the brunette, curling her fingers harder and faster as she pushed Alex closer to the edge. But she wasn't ready to let Alex come just yet.

Piper removed her fingers and started rubbing circles over Alex's clit, doing it as lightly as possible. Piper looked down at the woman beneath her, watching as she closed her eyes and moaned as Piper kept touching her most sensitive spot. Piper kept looking down Alex's body, from her neck, chest, and down to her core. She leaned into her ear and whispered, "You're so beautiful," and she meant it. She loved everything about Alex's body, from the tattoos running down her arm, to the scar that Piper just discovered on the left side of her stomach. Piper wanted all of Alex, and now she wanted to push the brunette over that edge. Piper moved three fingers back inside Alex's core and thrust hard until her fingers curled against her g-spot again and again.

"Agghh, fuck.." Alex's voice trailed off as she let the orgasm wash over her entire body as Piper kept curling her fingers inside her. Piper moved herself up so she could watch Alex hit her climax, the whole experience didn't compare to any other sexual encounter she'd had. She watched as Alex's mouth opened and she leaned her head back, her eyes closed. She felt Alex's walls grip her fingers as she came hard. Piper started moving her fingers more slowly, after her initial surge of energy and authority, she wanted to bring Alex down from her orgasm gently. She watched as the brunette's breathing slowed down, and she opened her eyes. Piper looked back down and got completely lost in those green eyes. She rest her forehead against Alex's as she gently brought their lips together, kissing her slowly as she removed her fingers from inside Alex.

Alex was completely lost for words, and energy, as she came down from her high. She ran her fingers over Piper's cheek as they locked eyes, "I am definitely falling in love with you."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Over the next two weeks, Piper finally started to feel more like her old self. She still had her hard days, but she was slowly learning to relax again, and she felt like she owed so much of it to Alex. She kept staying at Alex's apartment, and the two women shared the same bed every night. Piper hadn't spoken to Jack at all, but now that she was feeling better she wanted to go back to the house to collect some of her things. She had tried calling him, but he still wasn't answering. Alex kept telling her they could go to the house together and eventually they'd catch him when he was home. Alex was also very insistent that Piper not go back to the house on her own, she didn't trust Jack at all.

They hadn't discussed how long Piper would stay with Alex, Piper didn't want to think about what she would do next or where she would go. She still didn't have a full time job, and the truth was that she didn't really want to leave Alex's apartment. Although, Alex's work did worry Piper, sometimes she would be gone all night. Piper hated those nights, her mind would wander to the worst possible scenario, imagining something horrible happening to Alex. But Piper never spoke to Alex about that, she knew how much the older woman liked her job and the freedom it gave her.

Even though Piper was feeling better she still used heroin, but not every day, and not always intravenously. But she generally didn't like to use it alone, most of the time she waited until Alex was home. Sometimes they used together, sometimes Piper used on her own before they went to bed. She loved sharing a bed with Alex, she was finally sleeping well again. Every night Alex would hold onto Piper until she fell asleep. Sometimes Piper would wake up in the morning and Alex was still holding onto her. She had never felt more loved and secure in her entire life, and she was afraid to lose it. That fear made her ignore the reality of her situation with Jack, and Alex's job, which could land her in jail or in the morgue. Piper didn't want to think about any of the bad things, all that mattered was how good Alex made her feel.

It was a Friday afternoon and Piper was lying on the couch with Alex, who had been out working for all of Thursday night. Piper couldn't sleep properly without her, she was worried all night. Piper was resting her head in Alex's lap as she tried to relax, "I was really scared last night Alex."

Alex stopped reading emails and looked down at Piper, "What were you scared of?"

"That you wouldn't come back…"

"I'm not just gonna leave you on your own Pipes."

"I'm not worried about you leaving Alex, I'm worried about someone hurting you."

Piper sat up and looked at Alex before she started talking, "Pipes, no one's gonna hurt me okay." Alex leaned in and kissed Piper on the cheek, "My job means I need to work some nights, but I promise you I'm safe."

Piper was about to speak again when there was a loud knock at the front door, "were you expecting someone?"

Alex shook her head as she got up from the couch to open the door.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Before Alex could even register who she was looking at she was pushed backwards into Piper who was standing behind her.

"You were meant to be looking after her! She's all I have you asshole! She's all I have…."

Piper stopped Alex from falling backwards and ran towards Nicky, "Nicky calm down!" Alex looked on as Piper tried to calm down her friend, she looked in Nicky's eyes and knew exactly what was going on. Nicky stormed past Piper and pushed Alex again, she had tears in her eyes and was directing all her anger at Alex, "You fucking work for Fahri! Piper is no safer with you than she is with Jack!"

Alex tried to stay calm, "What have you taken Nicky?"

Nicky shook her head as she started pacing around the lounge room. Alex grabbed her arm to force her to stop, "Tell me what you took. If you won't tell me at least sit down."

Piper walked up to her best friend, she was afraid she might hurt herself, "It's okay Nicky."

"No it's not! Why are you here with her? She's fucking dangerous Pipes, come home with me."

"Look, I know I'm not exactly your favourite person, but you need to shut the fuck up! She's safe here, you don't need to worry about that."

Piper took hold of Nicky's hand and led her to the couch, managing to convince her to sit down. "Everything is okay Nicky, please just calm down." It had been a long time since Piper had seen Nicky so worked up, Nicky had been the one constant in her life, the one person that was always there for her no matter what. Piper looked towards Alex, who stayed standing in the middle of the lounge room.

"Yeah, I work for Fahri, I don't think I need to ask how you know him. You don't need to like me, but don't fucking expect to come into my apartment and act like this. So you can either calm the fuck down, or you can get out."

Alex kept her eyes trained on Nicky, who seemed to have given up the fight against her, at least for the moment. "Okay, I get it, but Piper's all I have these days. I just need to know she's safe. Especially after everything that's happened with Jack."

Alex was willing to accept that as a peace offering, and went to get three beers.

Piper was relieved when Nicky finally calmed down. The three women spent the next few hours chatting, most of it focussing on Piper and how she would deal with Jack. It was agreed that all three of them would go to the house together and help Piper get the rest of her things.

Piper was exhausted by the time Nicky left, she was sick of thinking about the situation with Jack. All she wanted to do was focus on her new life with Alex.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Saturday rolled around and Alex had a meeting with Fahri in the afternoon. She could see the strained look on Piper's face every time she went out for work, and she hated it. But she still loved her job, and the money and freedom it gave her.

She was sitting in Fahri's apartment, giving him her latest sales and organising the next lot of shipments. Again, she subsidised sales she was meant to be making from Piper with her own cash. But she knew she wasn't in the clear, she knew she hadn't been working enough, she'd been spending most of her spare time with Piper.

"This isn't good enough Alex, come on. I've put in plenty of good words about you to Kubra, you need to bring in more money from these people. You need to push harder, you're good Alex. What, are you spending your days chasing another fucking girl? Trust me, that's not worth pissing off these people."

Alex knew he was right, she needed to get her mind back onto work, she had some making up to do and needed to start now.

"I need you to work tonight, we need more recruits now." Fahri passed her a list of international flights, along with what needed to be shipped. "I need you to get new recruits onto each of these flights, Kubra wants to push more through these routes, fast. Don't fuck it up."

Alex nodded as she took the list, it was going to be a long night. She wrapped things up with Fahri and went back home. Piper was out with Nicky, so Alex left her a note saying she'd be out late. She'd need to get ready and leave now if she wanted to have any chance of getting everything done in time.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper got back to the apartment just after 8pm, she'd spent most of the day with Nicky. It felt so good to spend more time with her, Nicky and Alex were all she had at the moment. Piper was about to call Alex when she saw her handwritten note on the kitchen counter, and she felt her heart sink. She didn't want to spend the night alone, especially when she knew Alex was out working, she hated it. Before she'd put the note down her phone started ringing, it was Jack. It had been a while since he'd tried to call her, it was starting to feel like a relief. But now looking down at her phone, seeing his name on the screen, it made her feel sick. Finally it stopped, but within a minute it started ringing again, it was still him. Piper tossed her phone to the ground and ran into the bedroom. She grabbed onto Alex's pillow and held it against her chest, she needed her now. She picked up the cordless phone on Alex's bedside table and dialled the brunette's mobile number, but there was no answer. She tried another two times but there was still no answer.

She hated this feeling, she felt the anxiety rising in her chest, she needed Alex. She ran to the bathroom and took Alex's vial, but she didn't stop there. She opened the second drawer and pulled out a clean needle, she needed an escape. She took everything she needed and went into the lounge room, putting it all on the coffee table. She went through the same methodical process she'd seen Alex go through so many times before. But Alex would never give her more, no matter how much she wanted it. Tonight she wanted more, she needed more. Piper added in more heroin to the mix, she needed to shut down her mind, it was the only way she'd make it through the night alone. She drew the liquid up into the needle and pulled up her sleeve before hesitating, she'd never done this without Alex before. She tried to focus as she found the spot she wanted, pulling back on the plunger and then pressing down. She tossed the needle back onto the coffee table as she slumped back, it was hitting her hard, harder than it ever had before.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was 4am and Alex was exhausted, it had been a good night, she'd gotten three new recruits and managed to make some new sales. Now she needed to go home and organise the next batch of flights. She was walking towards her car before she felt someone grab her around the waist and pull her down the alley near her car, slamming her against the wall and putting a hand firmly over her mouth. It was dark, but she could just make out who was holding her against the wall, it was another member of the cartel, Aiden.

"You had a very fruitful evening tonight Alex, but you'd better fucking keep it up. You don't make it to this level and get to make mistakes. Keep working hard and there won't be any issues."

Alex nodded as Aiden let her go and walked away into the darkness. That was the only warning she'd be getting. They were happy enough with her work, but money and power were everything and they didn't want her slowing down. She took a deep breath and pulled out her car keys, she just wanted to get home and get the flights organised. Then she could spend time with Piper, the part of her days she always craved the most.

An hour later she walked through her apartment door and saw Piper lying on the couch. At first she thought Piper was just sleeping, but then she noticed the vial and needle on the coffee table. "Fuck!" she thought to herself, she'd always told Piper never to inject without her, it was too easy to overdose. Especially if you were having a bad day.

Alex rushed towards the couch and pulled Piper up into a sitting position, "Pipes, can you hear me?"

Piper scrunched up her face, trying to shield the light from her eyes as she spoke in a tired voice, "What's going on Al?"

Alex was relieved she was talking, "How much did you take?"

Piper was struggling to comprehend what Alex was asking her, "What?"

"How much heroin did you inject!?"

Piper seemed to finally understand what was going on and the tears welled up in her eyes. Alex instantly felt like an asshole, but she couldn't help but worry about the blonde. "Hey come on, I was just worried Pipes."

A few tears rolled down Piper's face as she took Alex's hand in her own, "I know, but Jack kept calling me and I couldn't get through to you. I…I just wanted to feel better."

Alex pulled out her mobile and saw all the missed calls from Piper, she never even heard it ringing. "Shit, I'm sorry Pipes, did you talk to him?"

"No, I didn't answer. But it just made me feel crazy."

Alex pulled her into a hug and gently rubbed her back. She should have been there for Piper tonight, but instead she was out recruiting new drug mules and selling heroin. For the first time, she started to feel like she didn't like her job. She was just going to get busier, which meant she'd have less time to spend with Piper. Less time to help her through this incredibly hard part of her life. Alex had no idea how to deal with everything going forward, but she needed to find a way to make it work for both their sakes.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, thanks again for your support on this story. To the Guest that asked about flashbacks – I know what you mean but I wanted to keep the time line moving. There probably won't be any flashbacks, but hopefully there are other bits going forward that show some nice moments between them.**

 **There is a trigger warning for this chapter – violence and sexual abuse.**

 **This chapter is a key moment in the story, so please review!**

 _Don't expect me to cry_

 _For all the reasons you had to die_

 _Don't ever ask it of me_

Alex knew the next few weeks would be tough, she'd need to pull some long nights to get back on top of things. She felt like Fahri just kept giving her more and more work, like he was testing her, and Alex knew failure wasn't an option. But she also wanted to make sure Piper knew she'd be working a lot, even though she didn't want to.

They had just gotten back from dinner out with Nicky when Alex decided she needed to get things off her chest, "Pipes, you know things have been kinda crazy with work lately. I just wanted to give you a heads up that I'll be working some pretty long hours in the next few weeks. There's so much going on and I've been given a lot to do."

Piper closed the fridge door and looked back at Alex with sadness in her eyes, "Okay."

That response made Alex feel even worse, "I wish I didn't have to. You know I love you Piper, all I want is to be with you, spend time with you. But I can't get away from this."

Piper nodded and walked over to Alex, slowly touching her hands. "I love you too, I just hate it when you're out all night."

Alex knew all too well how much Piper hated her recent work schedule, she looked relieved every time Alex walked back into the apartment after a long night out. Piper's state of mind made it all that much worse, she was still so up and down, and she kept putting off going to the house to get her things. And there was still the heroin use, which seemed to escalate any time Piper was on her own. Alex tried to encourage her to look for work, not because of money, but just to get her out of the apartment. Piper said she'd think about it, but that seemed like a stretch. Alex was willing to be patient with Piper, as patient as she needed to be. She knew what the blonde had been through, and Alex didn't want to push her into anything she wasn't ready for.

She couldn't help but hate it every time Piper asked for more heroin. Alex always gave her more when she asked for it, and Piper always insisted on giving her some money for it, even if it wasn't much. Alex hated it, none of it felt right. They still hadn't had the discussion on what they were to each other, but in Alex's mind they were a couple. They shared their lives and said I love you every day, and that was enough for Alex.

She wrapped her arms around Piper's waist from behind, slowly pulling her towards the lounge room, "I promise I'll make it up to you." Alex was relieved to feel Piper relax against her body, these were always her favourite parts of the day. The moments when it was just the two of them and there was nothing else to worry about. Piper turned around so she was facing Alex, gently pulling her in for a kiss before resting her head on Alex's chest.

"I love you so much Alex, you make me feel good about myself again."

Alex pulled Piper's face back up to hers and kissed her again, "I gotta get ready to go, but I'm taking you out tomorrow, anywhere you want." Alex could never get enough of how Piper smiled at her, she loved seeing her happy.

Another 20 minutes went by before she said goodbye to Piper and left the apartment. First she had a meeting with Fahri and then she needed to do a round of drop offs. It would be a long night, one that she wouldn't get through without some extra help. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a small silver box where she kept her supply of uppers. She only ever took them to help her stay awake, and tonight she needed to be at her best.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was close to midnight and Piper was feeling restless, she wasn't expecting Alex to be home for a few more hours. She'd been trying to sleep, but she struggled to get any rest when Alex wasn't there. She missed being able to roll over and wrap herself around the brunette whenever she felt uneasy.

Piper had finally stopped thinking about what to do next with her life, because she felt like she was already where she was mean to be. Piper felt completely at home with Alex, and she didn't want to go anywhere else.

But there was still one thing hanging over her head, and that was Jack. She still hadn't gone to the house to collect her things. She had promised Alex and Nicky they would all go together, but as more time went by she liked that idea less and less. The last time Alex was in that house she came out hurt, and Piper hated it. She didn't want anyone else to get hurt because of her, especially not Alex and Nicky. Piper got up and quickly got dressed before grabbing a duffle bag and her car keys. She wanted to end it all tonight, go to the house and collect her stuff so she could move on from Jack completely.

Her mind was racing on the drive to her old house, she suddenly felt desperate to close that chapter of her life. She hadn't been to the house in so long, it felt weird as she approached the front door. His car was in the driveway and there were lights on inside, he had to be home. Before she could even knock on the door it was flung open, and she saw Jack standing on the other side.

"Why the fuck are you here Piper? You don't answer my calls and then you decide to come here?"

Piper could smell the alcohol on his breath, but he still[MF1] looked steady on his feet. "I just want to get some of my things Jack, then I'll leave."

Jack tried to block the doorway as she pushed past him and walked into the kitchen. "Are you still staying with that woman? Does she know what you did to me? Does she know how fucking heartless you are!?"

Piper turned to face him, she was so sick of him blaming her for everything. "Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that, I fucking loved you Jack! I'm pretty sure you loved me too. What happened wasn't my fault!" Before Piper even knew what was happening, Jack rushed at her and pushed her to the ground, putting his whole weight on top of her. No matter how much she struggled, she couldn't get him off.

"It was _all_ your fault Piper! You took away the one thing I wanted the most, and I wanted it with you!" Piper could see he was holding back tears, maybe it was the alcohol, but he was finally starting to break. She kept struggling against him, thinking about how stupid she was for going to the house without Alex and Nicky. Jack's anger continued to rise, and he raised his fist, hitting Piper hard in the side of the face. For a moment all she could see was faint colours, she was so tempted to let the darkness swallow her whole but she tried to hold on, remembering Alex could be back at the apartment waiting for her. She then felt Jack rip at the hem of her t-shirt, shoving his hands underneath, roughly grabbing at her breasts. "One more time Piper, just one more time." Piper was fighting the darkness, but it was so hard. Jack continued to grab at her chest, scratching her with his nails. He left one hand under her shirt, while he used his other arm to press against her neck, trying to force her to lose consciousness. He was succeeding, Piper was now fighting for every breath, and was about to fade out completely. She then felt him remove his arm from her neck, and she started desperately gasping for air. She vaguely felt him grasping at her zipper and she panicked. She used all of her remaining strength to try and push him off, to which he pressed his arm against her neck again. All she could do was splutter for air, coughing up blood onto the kitchen floor. He shoved his hand down her pants and started feeling her.

"It didn't have to be like this Piper, it didn't have to be this way."

Then suddenly, there was a faint noise coming from the hallway, and for a moment Piper thought she could hear another set of footsteps in the house.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was almost 1am by the time Alex got home, she'd managed to wrap up her night early. She was completely exhausted, and all she wanted was to crawl into bed with Piper. Alex dragged herself into the bedroom expecting to find Piper in bed waiting for her, but she wasn't there. Alex's heart started beating faster as she walked back out to the living area and realised Piper wasn't in the apartment. She also realised Piper's car keys were gone, along with the duffle bag she usually took to the gym. Alex's heart was now racing as she thought about where Piper could have gone. She didn't waste any time running back out of the apartment to her car, hoping she was wrong about where she thought the blonde had gone.

She hit her foot hard against the accelerator and sped towards Jack's house, hoping she was wrong. Her heart sank as she got to the house and saw Piper's car on the street, "Fuck!"

The front door was open and Alex ran through the house until she saw Piper on the kitchen floor, and Jack standing over her. Even though she was exhausted and functioning on adrenalin and drugs alone, she ran towards Jack and shoved him as hard as she could, trying to get him away from Piper. She didn't hesitate in grabbing the closest glass and smashing it over his head, she wanted to hurt him. Just as she bent down to check on Piper, she felt Jack pull her up and slam her face first into the closest wall. Alex immediately dropped to her hands and knees, in pain as she felt the warm blood drip from her nose and mouth. He then stood over Alex and kicked her hard in the abdomen, Piper tried to get him away from Alex, but she had no strength left. "Just leave her alone! She hasn't done anything to you!"

Jack looked at her with hatred in his eyes, "Don't you fucking dare tell me what to do! You know what, this is your fault. I want you to watch this and know, this is your fault." Jack pulled Alex up by the front of her shirt and hit her hard across the face with a closed fist, causing her to hit the floor again. Alex kept thinking how much worse this turned out compared to the last time they were here, it was like he'd completely snapped and lost touch with reality. She rolled over slowly on the kitchen floor, trying to steady herself. He stood over Alex again, trying to decide on his next move. He looked down at the woman beneath him with a bloody face, but all he could see was his own pain, all the things he blamed Piper for. He didn't want her to be happy, not when he'd been left so completely miserable. He pulled Alex up again and slammed her back against the same wall, looking into her eyes as he kept hitting her in the side before pushing her back to the ground. She kept coughing, trying to keep her focus on Piper. Alex didn't care what happened to her, so long as she could keep her girlfriend safe.

Before she could move much further she felt his weight on top of her as he grabbed her head and slammed it hard into the kitchen floor until she lost consciousness.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

"You're a fucking bastard!" Jack didn't even try to run, he just sat in a kitchen chair as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. "Alex, Alex you need to wake up, we need to go." Alex wasn't responding, and Piper's panic just continued to rise. "Please Alex, I can't do this without you, I love you." Piper looked at Alex's face, trying to wipe away the blood with her t-shirt, cursing herself for going to the house on her own.

Everything Jack saw in that moment, just made him lose whatever last piece of dignity he had left. He jumped out of his chair and pushed Piper away from Alex, forcing himself back on top of her.

Piper tried to keep her thoughts trained on Alex, as he kept pushing his hand in between her legs, trying to spread her thighs wider. She felt the tears well in her eyes, she couldn't believe this was happening to her.

He moved his hands to his own pants, undoing his belt and zipper. He leant back over Piper and undid her jeans roughly, making his intentions very clear. He was on top of Piper, rubbing his groin against her before forcing himself inside. Silent tears started streaming down her face, she tried to call out but her voice was silent. She looked over and saw Alex lying on the floor just a few feet away from her. Piper tried to forget about the pain, forget about what was happening to her and just focus on her girlfriends face. Her beautiful girlfriend, who'd gotten hurt again because of her. Alex was still unconscious, no amount of noise from Jack making her stir. The blood just kept dripping from her face, soaking into her clothes and dripping onto the kitchen floor.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane and Nicky were both sitting in the hospital waiting room, neither knowing what to say or do. This was the first time the two had ever met, and the circumstances couldn't have been worst. Nicky was listed as Piper's emergency contact, and Diane was Alex's. Diane sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair with tears in her eyes. She'd been worried about ending up about this situation ever since Alex got involved with the cartel. She didn't expect to be here for any other reason, let alone Piper's ex-boyfriend. Diane didn't blame Piper, but she couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to her only child. She knew what Alex was like, she'd been head strong her whole life. If she thought there was the slightest chance Piper wasn't safe, she'd be there immediately. The doctors hadn't said much, only that Piper was awake when they brought her in, but Alex had been unconscious the whole time.

She'd gotten a call from the police telling her to come to the hospital, that Alex had been injured. They told her where Alex had been found, and that the neighbours had called the police because of all the shouting. The police went to the house to find Jack on top of Piper, with Alex lying on the ground unconscious close by.

Diane looked over to Nicky, they'd been sitting there for an hour. The younger woman looked exhausted as she sat there with tears in her eyes. They spoke for a while about Alex and Piper, but they'd been mostly silent as they waited for answers from the doctors. Nicky had told Diane that Piper wasn't close to her parents, they weren't on her emergency contact list anymore since things had fallen apart with Jack. Diane didn't know the details, but she felt bad for Piper. She couldn't imagine not being close to Alex, not wanting to be there for her.

Finally, one of the doctors they met on arrival came to speak with them, bringing them into a smaller room to talk about the girls. He initially tried to take them in separate rooms, but they both insisted he could talk to them together.

"Okay ladies, first thing I want to say is that both of them will be okay."

Diane released a breath she didn't even know she was holding onto, her daughter was going to be okay.

"We'd like to keep Alex in for a few days, mainly because of a very heavy concussion, she's still in and out of consciousness. There's been blunt force to the back of the head, and she's also got a broken nose and a cracked rib."

Diane let the tears roll down her cheeks, she hated hearing those words. She hated imagining those things being done to Alex, when all she did was try and protect her girlfriend. Diane felt Nicky put an arm on her shoulder, and she appreciated the support. Diane was already planning on staying with Alex when she got out of hospital, looking after her.

"When can I see her?"

"As soon as we're done talking here, I'll take you to see her." The doctor had a kind face, which meant a lot at a time like this.

"Piper's going to be sore for a while. Luckily no broken bones, but general lacerations and bruising, especially on her face and neck. I know this isn't easy to hear…..but, the physical examination has revealed sexual assault." The doctor's voice went quiet as he looked back at the two women. Nicky couldn't seem to believe what she was hearing, and Diane felt horrible.

"The police will want to speak to both of them as soon as possible."

Nicky still sat there in silence. Diane reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

"We'll see how things go, but Piper might even be able to go home in the next couple of days, we'll keep monitoring her closely."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Eventually, a nurse came and led Diane to see Alex, while the doctor took Nicky to Piper's room. Diane couldn't believe Piper had been raped, it sent shivers down her spine. That girl was trying so hard to get back on top of her life, and Alex wanted to help her do that. It was obvious how much those two meant to each other. Diane promised herself she'd do whatever she could to help both of them, she'd take time off to look after both of them. Part of her wanted to ask if someone should call Piper's parents, but she didn't want to push the issue. She'd obviously left them off her emergency contact list for a reason.

Diane's mind was still racing as the nurse showed her into Alex's room, telling her she could stay as long as she liked. Diane sat in a chair next to Alex's bed, reaching out to hold her hand. She hated what she saw, a very bruised face with scratches, a dressing on the back of her head, with scratches all over her hands where she'd tried to fight back. "Hey baby, can you hear me?"

She could see Alex trying to open her eyes, but she didn't seem to have the energy. Diane stood up and kissed her daughter on the cheek. She was so thankful Alex would be okay, but she wanted to kill the person that did this to her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Nicky walked into Piper's room, afraid of what she might see. All she could feel right now was anger, she wanted to kill Jack. She saw Piper lying in the bed awake, with the most defeated look on her face. Nicky rushed over to the bed and hugged her best friend, "Fuck Piper, what the hell happened?"

Nicky kept holding onto her, but Piper didn't respond, she didn't even seem to have the energy to cry. Nicky pulled back and looked her in the eye, "I will fucking kill that bastard Piper."

Piper shook her head, Nicky could see the tears in her eyes, but Piper was determined to hold it together. "Please tell me Alex is okay?"

"We just spoke to the doctor, she's gonna be fine."

"We?"

"Yeah, I've been in the waiting room with Alex's mum. But she's gonna be okay Pipes, a few days in the hospital and she'll be out."

Nicky could see that pained look intensifying in Piper's eyes, and she thought she knew why. "Diane doesn't blame you for any of this, she's been fucking worried about both of you."

"I fucked up Nicky, this is all my fault."

"This is his fault Piper!"

Piper kept talking through her tears, "I went alone because I didn't want either of you there! I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me."

"Well that was stupid Piper! I'm fucking glad Alex showed up, because who knows what the fuck would've happened if she didn't…"

"If she didn't come she wouldn't be in hospital right now!"

"And you might be fucking dead!"

Both women stopped and looked at each other, they were both feeling emotional and taking it out on each other. Piper finally let the tears roll down her face, but she was still trying to hold it together. "I need to see her Nick…"

Nicky could see how worried Piper was, but she needed to rest. Part of Nicky couldn't help but be angry at Piper for going to the house on her own, it's like she _wanted_ him to hurt her. But it was Jack she was truly angry at, who she hated.

"No Pipes, you need to stay the fuck in bed. The doctors will let you know when you can see her. Have the police come yet?"

Piper shook her head and closed her eyes. She didn't want to think about the police, or what happened to her. All she cared about was seeing Alex.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane stayed next to Alex all night, there was no way she was leaving her daughter's side. Her back hurt after sitting in that plastic chair all night, so she got up to stretch. She walked around the room, trying to wake herself up. She slept a little bit through the night, but not much, she couldn't relax. At least not until Alex was better. Diane sat back down next to the bed and took Alex's hand in her own, softly running her thumb over Alex's fingers. It must have triggered something, because she was finally starting to wake up. Her voice was barely a whisper, but Diane was so relieved to hear it, "Mhmm, mum…."

Diane leaned over the bed, never letting go of Alex's hand. She kissed her daughter on the cheek and looked into her green eyes, which looked pained, "Hey baby, it's so good to see you awake."

"I….don't feel good."

"Tell me what's wrong Alex, I'll get the doctor."

"Everything….hurts."

Diane felt her heart constrict as she pushed the alert button next to Alex's bed, she'd never seen her like this, and she hated it. A young nurse walked into the room quickly and saw how much pain Alex was in. She gave Diane a reassuring look as she injected more pain relief into Alex's IV, "I'm Nina, I'll be looking after Alex during the day shifts. I know it looks scary but it's good that she's awake, she'll probably need a lot of pain relief in the next few days. But she's doing really well."

Diane nodded her thanks as the nurse spoke to Alex, "Hi Alex, I've just given you something for the pain. But if it starts to get too much again all you need to do is push this button or tell your mum."

Alex managed to speak again, and Diane could see how terrible she felt, "I feel sick."

The nurse quickly grabbed the silver kidney tray that was next to the bed, "That's okay sweetie, you might feel nauseous for the next 24 hours because of the concussion." Diane helped Alex sit up and held her hair back as she vomited into the tray. The movements were obviously painful for her as tears streamed down her face. Diane was so grateful at how kind the nurse was, who cleaned up Alex's face and helped her lay back down.

"That might happen a few times today, but just call out okay."

Diane thanked the nurse, who gave her a reassuring smile before leaving the room. She kept stroking Alex's face and wiped away the tears, trying to calm her down, "I'm not going anywhere baby."

Alex's breathing slowed and she eventually calmed down as the pain medication kicked in. Diane kept looking at her only daughter, still stroking her cheeks and brushing the hair from her eyes.

"Mum…please stay."

"Of course baby, I'll be right here when you wake up, you just try and get some sleep." Diane was relieved to see Alex's face relax as she held onto her hand and closed her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _Re-inventing what we knew_

 _Taken time is all but true_

 _You're the reason I feel pain_

 _Feels so good to feel again_

As the next two days rolled by, Piper became more and more impatient. She spoke with the police twice, telling them everything that happened with Jack, who would be formally charged. The police still hadn't been able to speak with Alex, which just frustrated Piper more. All everyone kept telling her was that Alex was fine, which was obviously a lie if the police still hadn't spoken to her. But still, no one would let her see Alex, and now she would probably be sent home tomorrow. Piper was completely overwhelmed by a mixture of sadness and anger. Anger at Jack for becoming a monster, and anger at herself for being so stupid. She didn't really want to acknowledge her sadness yet, she wasn't ready to face what happened to her. For now, she wanted to focus her energy on Alex, the person that had been holding her life together for the last two months.

Diane had visited her, which Piper found difficult at first, she thought Diane would hate her. But instead she was kind, offering to help both her and Alex get their lives back together. Even though Diane was nothing but kind and understanding, she did still have a serious message for Piper.

"I know how close you and Alex are, but things can't go on like this Piper, it's not good for either of you."

Piper didn't know what to say at first, and Diane could see the confusion that was plastered all over her face. "I like you Piper, and I know how you feel about Alex. I know how rough things have been for you lately, trust me, I know. But I also know what happens when you let these sorts of problems swallow you whole, and it never ends well."

Piper's first instinct was to shut off, she wasn't sure she had the strength to deal with it all yet. It was so tempting to take what she viewed as the easier path, but Diane wasn't done talking.

"This is about both of you now, you and Alex. Trust me, I know Alex isn't perfect, but the two of you need to work together now more than ever. Don't just sweep away all the problems Piper, Alex saw me do that too many times when she was growing up. I'll do whatever I can to help both of you, I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did."

"Okay…" Part of Piper wanted to ask Diane what mistakes she made, but another part wasn't ready to know the answer. She also wasn't ready to acknowledge what happened to her yet, she needed more time. Diane's words both comforted her and scared her at the same time. But there was still one question Piper couldn't get out of her mind, "Why don't you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you Piper?"

Piper could barely bring herself to speak the words, but she had to get it out before all her self-loathing took over, "Because I didn't stop him. First I put Alex in danger, the only reason she was there was because of me, all she thought about was me. She pushed him off me, she tried to make sure I was okay. But then he got up….." Piper's voice started to crack, but she forced herself to keep speaking, she needed Diane to know, "he got up and….he hurt her. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't….and now she's here because of me. She's hurt because of me, you should hate me Diane. You should hate me…"

Piper felt Diane take hold of her hand, still holding her gaze, "It's not your fault Piper, it's his, you need to remember that." Piper could see the tears in her eyes, but they never fell. "You probably both made bad choices that night, but neither of you did this. You've both got a lot to learn sweetie, but that doesn't mean I hate you."

Piper still struggled with how nice Diane was being to her. In 25 years of life, Piper's own mother never gave her as much self-belief as Diane had in a matter of days.

"Are you sure you don't want someone to call your parents?"

"No, I don't see them anymore." Piper didn't want to talk about her parents at all, she knew exactly how her mother would react to the situation. That sort of judgement was the last thing she wanted to expose herself to. She was beyond thankful for all the support Diane was offering, but she needed more, she needed to see Alex.

"Why won't they let me see Alex? It's driving me crazy." Alex was still Piper's anchor, and she needed to see her before she could start thinking about anything else.

"I'll talk to the nurses, see what they say." Diane smiled at Piper and left the room, walking towards the nurse's station.

Piper felt like if she could just see Alex, even for ten minutes, she'd feel better, like maybe her mind would be clearer. She would probably be released tomorrow, but she didn't want to wait that long, she needed to see Alex now.

Diane came back pushing a wheelchair towards Piper's bed, "I don't need a wheelchair Diane."

"I know sweetie, but that's the deal. If you want to see Alex, you get in the chair. Come on, hop in and we'll go see her right now."

Piper felt like she was being treated like an invalid, but decided anything was worth seeing Alex. But before they went to see Alex, Piper needed Diane to be honest with her.

"Does she know what happened?" Piper couldn't bring herself to look Diane in the eye as she asked the question.

"No….I think she probably suspects, but I haven't told her. She's been so out of it, we haven't spoken much at all."

Piper got out of her hospital bed and sat in the chair, letting Diane push her down the hallway. It wasn't long before they reached Alex's room, Piper felt like her heart might beat out of her chest. Diane wheeled the chair to one side of Alex's bed, while she sat in a chair on the other side. Alex was asleep, as she had been for most of the last two days according to Diane.

Piper reached over the bar on the side of the bed and grabbed Alex's hand, hoping she'd wake up. She hated being able to see the cuts and bruises on Alex, it made the whole situation too real, and impossible to ignore. At least she could avoid looking into mirrors when it came to her own face, but there was no avoiding Alex, or Diane for that matter. It was a constant reminder that she wasn't able to protect her.

"Has she been awake much?"

"A little more each day, but she didn't sleep well last night."

"You've been staying here the whole time?" Piper couldn't imagine her mother ever doing something like it, it would be too much of a disruption to her schedule. Each day that went by, she was getting an extra snippet of Diane and Alex, learning more and more about the people they were.

"Yeah, I popped back home yesterday for a shower and a change of clothes. But I just couldn't bring myself to leave her here all alone at night, I wanted to be close by."

Piper nodded, for the first time in so long she wished she was close to her own parents.

Alex started to move around in the bed, but she was still so sore, moving and talking were still hard.

"Hey Al," Piper didn't hesitate in standing up to kiss Alex, she had been craving that reassurance and familiarity.

Piper was so relieved to see Alex smile back at her, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I needed to see you." Piper leaned down to kiss Alex again, she underestimated how much she'd missed the woman in front of her. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay." Even though Piper could only just make out that one word, it felt so good to hear her speak.

Piper could see the strain on her face, "Go back to sleep."

Alex's eyes had already closed again before Piper even finished those words. So long as she could be near Alex, see her and touch her, she could live with that.

Diane smiled at Piper as she left the hospital room, wanting to give the two women some time alone.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper spent the next two hours sitting with Alex, just holding her hand and watching her sleep. A nurse came in twice to make sure Piper was okay, but there was no way she was going back to her own room. Diane had briefly come back to the room, telling Piper she was going back to her own place for a while before coming back that night. Piper couldn't shake the need to touch Alex, to keep a hand on her arm or face, she needed to feel that connection. Her own body was still sore, but she felt okay, physically at least. The doctors were encouraging her to accept help from the hospital psychiatrist, who specialised in helping women deal with abuse. Piper said she'd think about it, but she still hadn't decided what she'd do. She still didn't know how to tell Alex what happened, whether she could bring herself to do that. The nurse told her Alex might still be in the hospital for another week, which is longer than they originally anticipated. It seemed to be more of a precaution than anything else, they were still worried about her head injury and the way her rib had fractured.

Piper was about to close her own eyes when she heard someone enter the room behind her. She turned her head to see a man she didn't recognise. At first she thought it might be a police officer, but she realised that wasn't the case as soon as he started talking.

"You're Piper right?"

Piper hesitated before answering, "Yeah."

"I'm Fahri."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

At first, when Fahri couldn't contact Alex he was annoyed. Then after not being able to contact her for two days, he started to think something could be wrong. He didn't believe Alex would ever run from him and the cartel, the money was too important to her. That's when he got a tip off from a contact in the police department that someone, who sounded very much like Alex, was in the hospital.

After some digging, Fahri realised it was definitely Alex that had been hospitalised, and he could feel the anger rising inside him. No matter what their work situation was, Alex was still Fahri's friend, he still cared about her. He definitely did not want to see her get hurt, especially like this. The information he pieced together from his contacts showed that Alex was hospitalised with another woman, Piper Chapman. That fact made Fahri uneasy, there was something more to the situation, something he was missing. He started to think Alex was keeping secrets from him, and he needed to speak to her immediately. He wanted all the information before deciding on next steps with Kubra. But no matter what secrets Alex had been keeping about Piper, he'd make sure there would be a heavy price for the person that hurt her. It didn't take long for Fahri to find out who that person was, a man called Jack Hunter, who had been living with Piper Chapman for quite some time. Fahri could assume what probably happened, but he still wanted to hear it from Alex before he did anything else.

Fahri found out which hospital Alex was in and went to visit her. He wasn't sure what condition she'd be in, and it almost didn't matter. He'd keep visiting until she could fill in the gaps and tell him what the hell happened. He walked into the hospital room and saw another woman in a wheelchair, who he assumed was Piper Chapman. As soon as he introduced himself to her and saw the look on her face, he knew there was no doubt she remembered who he was. He stepped into the room, closer to the hospital bed until he could see his friend. Even though he was more than a little annoyed that she'd kept secrets from him, he hated seeing her hurt. He was the one that got her involved in the cartel, she was young, the type of person most people didn't want to give a chance. But they'd grown close, they'd grown to be friends, and he felt responsible for her. He knew the only family she had was her mother, and on some level he felt like her protector.

Fahri sat on the opposite side of the bed to Piper, and hated what he saw in front of him. Alex looked broken, and he tried to squash his own sadness with anger. He was completely lost in his own world until Piper started talking, "so Alex works for you?"

He looked across the bed at her, she looked scared. "You could say that. We've worked together for a while. You're one of her customers? I remember talking to you."

"Yeah…"

"Well, you can imagine how surprised I was to find out Alex was in hospital, and then to find out you were here with her. It doesn't really make sense."

"None of this is her fault…"

Fahri stopped Piper before she could continue, he wasn't interested in her story. He needed to hear it from Alex. "I don't care who's fault it is. I want the story from Alex, not you."

Piper didn't bother responding, looking down at Alex, gently brushing the hair from her face as she slept. "Well, you two seem to have become very close." Without even realising it, every one of Piper's movements gave Fahri another piece of the puzzle. He was starting to suspect what secrets Alex had been keeping, and he could see the realisation all over Piper's face.

"Please don't blame her for any of this, it's all my fault." Fahri could see how worked up Piper was getting, but again, he stopped her from talking. He didn't even really care if Alex had started a relationship with this woman, but he did care that she kept it a secret from him. Of course she was allowed to have her own life, her own loves, but she wasn't allowed to get distracted.

"I don't care about any of that! Just…stop talking…"

Fahri swallowed his anger, he didn't want to hear Piper's excuses, he didn't even really care. Before he could start talking again, Alex started to stir, he assumed his shouting had woken her up. She then started to cough, which seemed to cause her pain. Fahri watched as Piper tried to calm her down, seeming to not care about what he saw. "It's okay Alex, it's okay, the nurse is coming. Just keep breathing, I know it hurts."

Fahri kept watching as the tears rolled down Piper's face and a nurse came into the room with a syringe, which she injected into Alex's IV. Piper spoke to the nurse through her tears, "She woke up and started coughing."

The nurse spoke to Piper, trying to reassure her everything was okay, before leaving the room. Piper went straight back to Alex, running a hand over her cheek as she slowly calmed down. Alex started to speak, but very slowly and quietly, "Pipes….sorry."

"No, you're not allowed to say that. Just go back to sleep, you need to keep resting."

Fahri wasn't sure what to think, he sat quietly and saw Alex close her eyes again as Piper kept running her fingers through her hair. He realised he wouldn't be getting any information out of Alex today, but it didn't even really matter anymore. Alex didn't even realise he was there, that's how much pain she was in. That's all he needed, and he already knew who did this to her. He'd work out what to tell Kubra about Alex and Piper, but he needed to start making plans immediately on what to do about Jack.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _She'll come back as fire_

 _To burn all the liars_

 _Leave a blanket of ash on the ground_

Another few days passed and Diane continued to spend most of her time at the hospital. Alex was slowly becoming more alert, but she was still in pain. Piper had been released and was staying at Alex's apartment. Diane tried to encourage her to rest as much as possible, but Piper still went to the hospital every day. As Alex got better, Diane started spending nights at Alex's apartment to keep Piper company. She slept in Alex's office, while Piper slept in Alex's room. Nicky also spent as much time as she could with Piper, who was still deciding on whether to see the hospital psychiatrist.

Diane was just grateful that Alex was getting better, it had been the hardest week of her life. It was early evening and Diane was helping Alex with her dinner, she'd only just started sitting up again and it was proving to be painful. But Diane was glad to see Alex's attitude return, no matter how uncomfortable she was.

"I'm not an invalid mum, you don't need to sit here and feed me."

Diane just rolled her eyes and smiled, "Is that why you groan so loudly every time you move an inch?"

Alex managed her own smile and kept letting Diane help her with dinner. Diane told her she'd been spending the nights with Piper, and would keep staying once Alex got out. "I just wanna make sure you're okay Alex, you'll need help for a while, and Piper needs her own help."

"I just don't want you to turn your life upside-down because of this."

Diane was all too familiar with this side of Alex's personality, the push back, but she was not in the mood for it after the last week. "You're my daughter Alex, so yeah, when you nearly fucking die, it turns my life upside down." She saw the look in Alex's eyes change, and she knew she'd hit a nerve. "This week, Alex this week has been the worst week of my fucking life, you could have _died_ , you could have fucking died. You're my only kid, we've always gotten through things together, but sometimes this week….sometimes I wasn't convinced…But the worst part is that I keep imagining you back here, because of your job. You are not allowed to die before me kid, don't you fucking dare…"

Diane tried to contain her emotions as she stared off into nothing. She didn't mean to say all those things, but she needed to get it off her chest, she needed Alex to understand. She felt Alex reach out and grab her hand, "I'm sorry mum, I didn't mean to scare you. I don't know why I just ran into that fucking house on my own, I wasn't thinking straight. I…I just did it, all I could think about was protecting her, I didn't care what happened to me. But she still got hurt anyway…"

"You need to start caring about what happens to you, you're no good to her if you keep getting hurt. And you need to talk to her about that night Alex, but don't push too hard, let her go at her own pace."

Diane could see the panic rise in Alex's eyes. They hadn't really spoken about the details of that night, or what happened after Alex lost consciousness. Diane felt it wasn't her right to tell that story, she wanted Piper to tell Alex when she was ready. Truthfully, she was worried about how Alex would react, that she'd run off and do something else crazy.

She heard the quiver in Alex's voice as she asked that inevitable question, "Did he rape her?"

Diane tried to give her daughter a reassuring look, but deep down she knew nothing would comfort her about this, "Alex, you and Piper need to talk to each other about that night."

Diane saw the change on Alex's face, that familiar look of pain, and leaned in gently to hug her. She felt Alex's tears roll onto her shoulder as she rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.

"Mum, I can't live with myself if that happened to her….when I was right fucking there.."

Diane just kept holding onto her. "Baby, you probably stopped him from killing her that night, and this whole time all she cared about was seeing you."

Diane kept rubbing Alex's back and kissed the top of her head, but the next words that Alex spoke through her tears completely broke her heart.

"But I couldn't protect her mum, I couldn't save her. I couldn't protect you, and I couldn't protect her."

Diane tried to hold back her own tears as Alex gripped onto her tighter and cried. She knew it would probably come to this, it was a part of their lives that always haunted Alex. Right now, Diane felt like it was something Alex was reliving with what happened to Piper. She just kept promising Alex that she'd look after her, and that somehow, everything would be okay.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

With Diane's help, Alex managed to eventually calm down. She lay there and held onto Diane for what felt like hours, it was the only way she could stop her mind from swimming. Eventually Diane went back to Alex's apartment, and Alex tried to get some sleep. She was starting to doze off when she heard someone come into the room.

"Fahri…"

"Alex, it's good to see you're feeling better. I came earlier, but, you weren't doing so good."

Alex didn't know how to feel about Fahri's presence, "I didn't know you came."

"You were out of it, you didn't look good. But Piper was here."

Alex was petrified, he knew…he had to know about her relationship with Piper. She could feel her hands starting to shake, but she was determined to hold her nerve.

"Okay, how did you find out I was here?" Fahri didn't look angry, but Alex still wanted to be careful about what she said.

"I spoke to the cops, they told me what happened. I was worried about you, it seemed pretty serious."

Alex wasn't sure what to say, it had been a long time since she'd seen him worried about her. "I'm okay."

Fahri stepped closer to Alex and sat in the chair next to the bed. "I mean it Alex, I was worried, we've known each other for a long time. But fuck, why did you think lying to me was a good idea?"

She kept her hands under the blankets so he couldn't see how white her knuckles were. "Sleeping with customers isn't exactly good for business, is it?"

"No, it's not. But if you find someone else to fill the gap, I'll let it go. Just don't fuck up again, this is the only time I'm covering for you, I mean it."

Alex was beyond relieved, but she wasn't sure whether to believe him, even though they were friends. She nodded her thanks and stayed silent, this was the first time in years that she'd felt awkward around him.

"I've spoken to Kubra, gotten your workload covered until you're better. But you'll have to work hard when you get back, prove to him this hasn't slowed you down. He wasn't happy to hear you were out of action, you're one of his best."

"Thanks Fahri."

He nodded and kept talking, "And that fucking asshole that put you hear, Jack, I've spoken to Kubra about him. We'll take care of it."

Alex bit her bottom lip, she didn't want to show any emotion in front of him, she didn't want him to think she was weak.

He leaned in closer to her, looking like he was trying to hold back his own emotions. But he looked more angry than anything else. "It's okay Alex, I know what he fucking did, and he won't be getting away with it."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was finally allowed to go home after being in the hospital for over a week. She was so relieved to be going home, and even though she didn't want to admit it, she was glad Diane would be there. She was still incredibly sore, but refused to use a wheelchair. Diane picked her up from the hospital and took her to the pharmacy to collect her pain medication on the way home. Piper stayed at the apartment with Nicky, with the two cooking dinner for everyone.

"I'm so glad she's coming home Nick, and that she'll be okay. I've really missed her, I need her…"

"Of course she was gonna be okay, she's a fucking badass." Nicky just wanted to see Piper laugh again, and she was worried that she wasn't acknowledging what happened to her. It was something she'd discussed with Diane, it was something they both hoped Alex could help her deal with.

It wasn't much longer before Diane and Alex walked through the front door. Piper looked up and couldn't stop smiling as she practically ran towards them. She wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed her, she was completely overwhelmed.

Alex gingerly pulled back from the hug, smiling as she spoke, "Take it easy Pipes, I'm still kinda sore."

"Shit, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

Alex just laughed and pulled Piper back into the hug, "I'm fine, promise. But you guys might need to help me get around for the next week or so."

Piper looked up at Alex's face, relieved to see it looked better. Her nose wasn't swollen anymore, and the bruises on her face looked better. She put her arm around the brunette's waist and helped her over to the couch. She kissed her on the lips again, "I'd better get back to dinner."

Nicky walked towards the couch, glad to see Alex looking so much better, "It's good to see you home Alex, but no promises on this dinner okay."

Alex laughed and thanked Nicky, it felt nice to have everyone in her apartment, made it feel more like a home. Piper and Nicky kept focussing on dinner, while Alex and Diane sat on the couch.

"Will you help me get changed? I'm fucking freezing."

Diane nodded and helped her off the couch, she could see the strain on Alex's face as she stood up, but she was just glad her daughter acknowledged that she needed help. Diane helped Alex into her room and sat her on the bed.

"How much pain are you in?"

Alex shook her head as if she was fine, but the truth was she was struggling with the pain in her side. This was the most she'd moved since the attack, and her body was hurting.

"Don't give me more of your crap Alex, the doctor said it's important to manage your pain. You're still healing sweetie."

"I know mum, I'll take some pills with dinner. Can you just get me the black jumper in the top drawer?"

Diane rummaged through the drawer until she found the jumper Alex wanted. She helped her get out of the t-shirt she was wearing, she'd need help with everything for a while. Diane couldn't help but let her gaze linger over the bruises across Alex's torso, from her side and stomach up to her chest. Everything was healing, but Diane still hated seeing those marks on her daughter. She slipped the thick jumper over Alex's head, which seemed to tire her out. Diane was about to help Alex off the bed when the younger woman stopped her.

"Just give me a minute, that hurt a little more than I expected."

"Take your time sweetie, there's no rush." Diane knelt in front of Alex and waited until she was ready, but she just kept sitting there. "Talk to me Alex."

Alex sighed, she didn't know what to say, "I just don't feel right mum, this doesn't feel right. Just….sitting here, pretending like it's all okay, like Piper is okay."

"Just give her time, you only just got home, let her have some time with you first." Diane took Alex's face in her hands, "All she has thought about for the last week is you, spend time with her tonight, let her see that you're okay. She will talk to you about it."

"I can't shake this anger, all I wanna do is hurt him."

Diane could see the anger in her daughter's eyes, "Do not go do something crazy Alex, he's been charged. Piper needs you here, you're no good to her if you get arrested."

Alex tried to snap out of it and let Diane help her stand up again. She would walk out there, enjoy dinner, and get through the night.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was almost 10pm and the night was over, the dinner actually ended up being pretty nice, and Nicky had gone home. Diane was helping Alex get ready for bed while Piper was in the shower. "You look exhausted sweetie."

Alex didn't even have the energy to brush it off, because the truth was she felt like shit. She was tired, stiff and sore. Her nose was still tender and all she wanted was to sleep, the type of sleep her prescription pain killers wouldn't give her, but she didn't want to do heroin with Diane in the house. She knew her mum probably suspected it was something she'd done in the past, but it was a side of her personality she didn't want her to see. She sat on the edge of the bed while Diane got her a bottle of water. She was starting to feel nauseous, and she didn't even know why. Alex put her head in her hands and tried to relax, that overwhelming combination of nerves and physical pain was driving her crazy. Diane walked back into the room and was worried by the sight in front of her.

"Are you okay sweetie?"

Alex knew there was no point lying to Diane. She sat there and shook her head, but all she wanted was to change the topic. Then Piper walked back into the bedroom, sporting a pair of Alex's pyjamas that were too big for her, and wet hair. She was immediately worried by what she saw and went straight to Alex.

"C'mon Al, you need to sleep, let's go to bed, I'll be right here all night."

Alex nodded in agreement, knowing that she was desperate for some relief, and hating that Diane would be so close by if she did use. Diane said goodnight to both of them and went to her own bed, leaving Alex and Piper alone. They both got under the covers and Piper pulled Alex close to her body, holding her gently.

"I think this is what I missed the most, just lying here with you at night time, when the world's quiet, it's just you and me."

Alex closed her eyes and let her mind slow down, she wanted to get lost in the moment. The feel of her cheek against Piper's skin, the way she smelled, that's all she wanted to think about. But she also had a few things she needed to talk about before she exploded.

"I'm so sorry Pipes, I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. I keep reliving that night, and it's driving me crazy."

Piper placed a hand on Alex's cheek, she needed her to understand. "It's not your fault Alex. I'm an idiot for going there on my own, I put you in danger, you're still hurt because of me. I won't accept your fucking apologies, stop apologising."

"I can't….I know I'm meant to be patient about this, but it's fucking killing me, and I need to know. What did he do to you? After I was out, what happened?"

Piper knew Alex would ask that question, but it still broke her heart. "You know what happened Al…..All I could do to get through it….was concentrate on your face. Even though you were hurt, it was the only way I was going to get through that. I couldn't get him off me, so the next best thing was to focus on something else."

Alex couldn't even respond to that, it just made her chest ache. "I will not let him get away with this Pipes."

Alex felt Piper's arms pull her closer again and they just lay there like that, hugging each other as they tried to sleep.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper would not let go of Alex all night, she needed to hold her close for her own reassurance, it made her feel like everything would be okay. But she could tell Alex wasn't sleeping, her breathing was erratic and her whole body felt too warm. Piper gently brushed her fingers over Alex's cheek, "Al, do you want more pain meds?"

Piper could see the grimace on Alex's face as she tried to bury it further into the pillows. "You shouldn't be in this much pain Al, please talk to me."

It had been a long time since Alex had felt that kind of pull towards drugs, and she didn't know what to do. "Please get me the tin case."

Piper hesitated, Alex had only just gotten out of hospital, and heroin seemed like the last thing she should be doing. Two weeks ago Piper wouldn't have hesitated in getting the tin for Alex, but not now. "Al….no, please just try to go without it until you're better. I need you too much for you to end up back in hospital."

Alex kept her face buried in the pillow as she started to cry, the last thing she wanted right now was for Piper's sense of responsibility to get in the way. She was in pain, she needed a release, and she was finally cracking. She'd had enough of all of it, work, Piper, Jack, all the shitty childhood memories it was bringing back, she felt like she couldn't hold it together anymore. Piper tried to get Alex to sit up but she wouldn't, all she would do is lie there with her face in the pillow.

Piper kept lying next to Alex, placing a hand on her back. She could feel the sharp movements in Alex's chest from her sobbing, she could feel the warmth coming through her skin. The whole time she'd known Alex, she'd always been in control. This was the first time she'd ever seen her actually breakdown, and it was scary. "Please Al, you have to talk to me."

"I couldn't protect either of you, I couldn't."

Piper didn't understand what Alex was saying, and was starting to wonder if she should get Diane, Alex was just getting more and more upset. All Piper could do was keep rubbing her back and kiss her arm gently in an attempt to calm her down. After another 15 minutes Alex finally let Piper hug her properly and started to calm down. She eventually fell asleep with her head on Piper's shoulder and an arm around her waist.

Piper had no idea how long she'd been sitting there holding onto Alex, she was just relieved the brunette had finally calmed down and gotten to sleep. Even though it was scary, Piper was glad Alex had broken down in front of her. The only way either of them were going to find the strength to deal with the situation was by facing their vulnerabilities head on, together.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Fahri sat in his car, lighting another cigarette when he finally saw Aiden leaving his apartment and walking towards where Fahri was parked.

"So what the fuck is going on now? First Kubra wants me to scare her to keep her mind on the job, now she's out of action and needs someone to cover for her?

"Someone _put_ her out of action okay, no one fucking puts one of our people in the hospital, I don't care how tough they think they are."

"I know the drill Fahri, I've already heard it from Kubra. All you need to tell me is the deadline."

Fahri put out his cigarette before starting his car. "Deadline is tonight."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _Cease to resist, giving my goodbye_

 _Drive my car into the ocean_

 _You think I'm dead, but I sail away_

Sunlight was starting to creep into the bedroom slowly, Piper yawned and looked down to see Alex still asleep on her shoulder. It had been a rough night, and Piper was thankful when Alex finally fell asleep. Piper had trouble sleeping throughout the night, but still managed to get a few hours of rest. She tried to focus on the positives, the fact that they'd come this far and made it through the night, plus the fact that Diane was there to help. Piper needed to get up and stretch, and slowly disentangled herself from her girlfriend, managing to not wake her up. She wanted them to have a relaxing day, maybe just watch some movies and have popcorn, she didn't think Alex would be up for going out.

Piper went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, and saw Diane sitting at the table.

"Hey, you're up early, want some coffee?"

"Morning Piper, coffee would be great. Did she sleep last night?"

"Eventually, it just took her a long time to calm down enough to sleep. I almost came to get you at one point, she was so upset, I didn't know what to do." Piper looked across at Diane and decided to tell her what Alex had said last night, she might be able to shed some light.

"But I don't think she was just upset about the whole Jack situation, she said something about not being able to protect either of us, I wasn't sure what she meant." Piper kept looking at Diane, but the older woman was avoiding her gaze.

"Do you know what she was talking about? She was so upset…"

Diane sighed before she finally looked Piper in the eye. "This has just dragged up some old memories for her. Things weren't easy when Alex was small, we never had much, but she was always so head strong. Let's just say I made some bad choices when it came to boyfriends, Alex always blamed herself for that, it just got worse as she got older. She's feeling really vulnerable right now, she just needs time sweetie."

Piper nodded and drank her coffee, she didn't want to push for more details, but at least Alex's reaction last night was starting to make more sense.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane walked into the bedroom to check on Alex, plus she also needed to take her next round of pain medication. She opened the door to see Alex still asleep, clutching the covers against her chest. Diane walked to the bed and sat next to her daughter, holding a glass of water and two tablets. She whispered at first as she tried to wake Alex up, softly rubbing her shoulder.

"Hey baby, I just need you to wake up for five minutes, then you can go back to sleep."

After a few moments, Alex started to wake up, she'd obviously been in a very deep sleep. "Mhhmm, why?"

Diane smiled, Alex scrunched her face up in the same way she used to when Diane had to drag her out of bed for school. "Just to take the pain meds, and maybe eat some food. Are you hungry? You haven't eaten all day."

Diane was finally able to look into Alex's green eyes, she still looked tired but at least she'd been having a good sleep. She slowly leaned up on her elbows and took the tablets, then immediately lay back down. "I am kinda hungry."

Diane brushed the hair from Alex's eyes. "Tell me what you feel like, I'll make anything you want."

"Definitely pancakes."

"I can do that."

Just as Diane was about to get off the bed she felt Alex grab onto her hand, "How's Piper?"

"She's doing okay, she's just worried about you. Do you feel like getting up for a while?"

Alex nodded and let Diane help her stand up. Alex slowly made her way to the couch to sit with Piper, while Diane went into the kitchen to make pancakes. Piper put her arms around Alex as soon as she sat on the couch, "It's good to see you up, you look so much better."

Alex nuzzled against Piper's side, this type of closeness always made her feel calm. She tried to keep her focus on the positives, the fact that both her and Piper were alive, and she had no more secrets with Fahri. She hadn't spoken to Piper about Jack at all, she didn't even want to think about him. Part of her wanted to tell Piper that he wouldn't get away with it, but she wasn't sure how the blonde would react to that. It was all still so fresh, she didn't want to stress Piper out. Alex had no idea what Fahri had planned for Jack, whether they'd put him in the hospital or just kill him. Part of her also didn't want to think about it, she hated that man for what he did to Piper, but she'd also never been involved in someone's death before. Her head was swimming with different thoughts, but she wasn't ready to process it. She'd talk to Fahri later, right now all she wanted to do was relax with Piper and Diane.

"I love you Pipes, I'm sorry I was so crazy last night." Alex couldn't help but apologise for her breakdown, she felt like she should be the one looking after Piper, not the other way around.

"No Alex, no apologies. We love each other, and we take care of each other, that's it."

Alex smiled as she leaned her head on Piper's shoulder, "You're right."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane was relieved to see the two younger women relax for the afternoon, they both needed it. They stayed under a blanket on the couch for most of the afternoon, watching movies and sleeping. She joined them as she made herself comfortable in the armchair next to the couch, reading a book and glancing at the TV every now and then. They all needed a day like this, where there was nothing to worry about and they could simply rest.

Diane was still worried about both of them, but it was a relief to see them doing better, especially Alex. She was still worried about some of the things Alex had said about Jack, she wanted to speak to her alone to make sure she didn't have any crazy plans. Diane also wanted to talk to Alex about her job, even though she knew Alex never wanted to discuss that with her. Diane couldn't help it, she just needed to know Alex was safe, and that she wasn't about to undertake some sort of insane plan against Jack that would land her in prison.

She was relieved that Alex had actually eaten the pancakes she made and didn't make a fuss about taking her pain meds. She had fallen asleep about an hour ago, and it really did warm her heart to see the way Piper held onto Alex. That girl sat there with her arms around her daughter, not wanting to move in case she woke her up. She could also see the relief on Piper's face to have Alex home in one piece, and just being able to touch her and talk to her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex woke up just after 5pm, still on the couch with Piper, but now she was lying down with her head in the blonde's lap. She looked up and saw Piper's blue eyes watching the TV, actually looking relaxed for the first time in weeks. Alex slipped her hand out from under the blanket and reached up to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Piper's ear, "Hey Pipes."

Piper smiled as soon as she heard that familiar voice. "Hey Al, how are you feeling?"

"I actually feel a lot better, it was nice to just spend the day with you, even if I was asleep for most of it."

Piper smiled in agreement and leaned down to kiss her girlfriend on the lips.

"Where's mum?"

"She went to pick up her mail and a few groceries, she's hell bent on spoiling you."

Alex laughed at the idea, and it reminded her of how thankful she was to have Diane in her life. She slowly sat up on the couch and stretched out her arms as she yawned, even though she was still in pain, she was starting to feel more like her old self. She was thankful that Piper didn't give in to her drug requests the previous night, she needed to keep a clear head, both of them did. She wondered if Piper had taken any heroin since she'd been out of the hospital, hopefully not, but even if she had, Alex couldn't blame her for it. She was about to suggest they have a shower when there was a knock at the door. Piper got up and answered it, looking back at Alex with fear in her eyes as she realised who it was, "Fahri, hi."

Fahri smiled and walked past her into the apartment. "Hi Piper, I'm glad to see you looking better."

Alex felt her heart start to race, she hadn't told Piper about her talk with Fahri in the hospital, the last thing she needed was more drama. She watched as Piper closed the door behind him, and he walked towards the couch. "How are you feeling Alex?"

Alex knew he was genuinely worried about her, but his presence still made her nervous, "I'm feeling better." Alex looked towards Piper, who looked scared all over again, and Alex hated it.

"Look, I'm not here to give either of you any trouble." He looked at Piper as he kept talking, "I've known Alex for a while now, I was worried about her, I didn't like seeing her in that hospital bed. Now you've become a part of Alex's life, we'll probably start seeing a lot more of each other."

Piper looked towards Alex, searching for an answer, "It's okay Pipes, he knows we're together, it's not a problem." Alex motioned for Piper to sit next to her, she wanted to keep her calm. She also knew Piper would have plenty of questions after Fahri left, given she never told her about her chat with Fahri in the hospital.

Piper sat next to Alex and took her hand, still looking scared. "I promise it's okay Pipes."

"One thing you need to understand Piper, is that Alex isn't just a colleague, she's my friend. There's no problems so long as the work gets done, and I've got her covered for the next few weeks while she gets better."

Piper didn't know what to say or how to feel, "Okay. Look, I didn't mean for all this to happen, I never wanted anyone to get hurt."

Fahri waved a hand in her face before she could continue, "It's not your fault Piper, it's your boyfriend's. What he did to both of you….it's fucking disgusting." He looked at Alex next as he walked back towards the front door, "That's why I came past tonight, it's done, he won't be laying a finger on anyone again. Alex, I'll be in touch next week to see how you're feeling."

With that, Fahri left the apartment, and Alex could feel her heart racing. They'd either killed Jack or made sure he'd be crippled, either way she'd need to find a way to explain the situation to Piper.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

As soon as Fahri left the apartment, Piper turned to Alex for answers, "What the hell was that all about?"

"Pipes, fuck….I didn't intentionally not tell you that I spoke to him in the hospital, I was just out of it. He knows we're together now, it's not a problem. He did some digging after he found out I was in hospital, he was fucking pissed off. Fahri is a lot of things, but he's still a decent guy, he's always looked out for me. He's got plenty of contacts, he found out what happened that night, he found out about Jack. He promised to cover for me at work until I can go back."

Piper's mind was racing, and she felt confused all over again. She didn't really care about whatever Fahri and Alex spoke about in the hospital, Piper already knew he'd tried to visit her at least once. She was definitely relieved to hear that Alex wouldn't get in trouble for their relationship, but she needed to know what he meant by "it's done".

She knew she shouldn't care what happened to Jack, especially after what he'd done to her and Alex, but the thought of Alex's work friends going after him still scared her.

"What have they done to Jack?"

Alex sighed, Piper could see how tired she looked, she almost looked defeated. "I honestly don't know what's happened to him, but whatever it is, it's not good."

Piper didn't know what to do, her eyes darted around the room as she tried to keep a clear head. "Did they kill him?"

"I don't know, maybe. They either killed him or put him in the hospital, the less we know the better. All we can do is wait to hear back from the police, they'll contact us if something happened to him."

Piper felt Alex place a hand on her face, forcing her to look into those green eyes, "I'm sorry Pipes, I know how fucked up this must all sound. I promise I didn't ask him to do this, there was nothing I could do about it. But I gotta be honest, after what he did to you, after the way he treated you, I really don't give a shit what happens to him. I know you were together for a long time, I know he wasn't always a bad guy. But fuck….I can never forgive him Pipes, not when it comes to you."

Piper still didn't know what to feel, such a huge part of her hated Jack, but as Alex said, he wasn't always a bad guy. The Jack she knew at the start of their relationship would have never raped her, would never have attacked Alex, but that man disappeared.

"I don't know how to feel about this…."

"I know Pipes, I hate the fact that you've gotten dragged into my fucked up life, and that Fahri barged in here tonight and dumped all this on you. I don't know what to say to you….You deserve better than Jack and better than me."

Piper hated hearing Alex speak like that, like she didn't think she was good enough for Piper. Regardless of what Alex did for a living, Piper knew that Alex loved her and would always put herself on the line to protect her. She'd proven that when she put herself in danger to try and protect her from Jack, more than once. Now, she couldn't look Alex in the face without seeing the remaining impacts of that night, a night when either of them could have died. Whenever Piper saw those marks on Alex, or saw how much it still hurt her just to stand up, she pictured Jacks' face and it made her hate him. She hated him the most for what he did to Alex, not for what he did to her.

"Please don't say things like that, it's not true. I'm not mad at you, but please Alex, from now on we have to be honest with each other. If we're gonna make this work, we need to tell each other the truth."

"I promise Pipes, I'll tell you everything, you're all I want."

Piper wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her in close, she was nervous at the thought of being contacted by the police to talk about Jack, but she felt like this could be a turning point for them, a chance to start fresh. She still felt that familiar pull towards heroin to help her cope with the last few weeks, but there was no way she would do it. Not out of concern for her own health, but because she didn't want Alex doing drugs while she was still this fragile.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It took a couple more days before the police contacted Alex and Piper about Jack, and they said surprisingly little. All they would say over the phone was that there'd been a riot in the remand centre where Jack was being held and he'd been badly injured, they weren't sure if he'd survive. One of the detectives would come to visit them soon to talk about Jack and the impact on the upcoming trial, but they wouldn't say any more over the phone.

On some level both women felt relieved, but also conflicted. They spoke about it and decided to not say anything to Diane until they knew more, they didn't want to worry her any more than she had been. They would wait until the detective visited them to explain more about the situation, for now they wanted to keep their lives as peaceful as possible.

Alex was getting frustrated at how long it was taking her to heal, it had been two weeks since the attack and even though she felt better, she still needed a lot of help around the house. Her head and neck still ached, as well as her side. She hated being reliant on others, and just wanted to get back to work. It was the day after the police contacted her and Piper about Jack, and Alex knew she was in for a shitty day. She couldn't sleep during the night, and now couldn't shake the feeling of nausea that kept hitting her in waves. Her mind was racing and all she could think about was heroin, all she wanted was sleep.

She lay in her bed with Diane while Piper cooked dinner. She held onto the older woman's hand as she tried to sleep. It helped for a while, but eventually her mind kept travelling back to her childhood, back to memories she wanted to forget.

 _It was all so vivid, just like the night it happened. She was 13 and crawled under her bed as soon as she heard the screaming. It wasn't unusual, it happened most nights. She used to get up and try help as soon as she heard those voices, but her mum got mad at her. Her mum insisted that no matter what, Alex needed to stay in her room and keep herself safe. But Alex couldn't keep doing that forever, especially not on this night when the voices were louder than usual and she could hear things being thrown and smashed. She couldn't take it anymore and opened her bedroom door, she needed to try and keep her mum safe, someone needed to try and protect her…_

Alex woke up startled, hurting her head and side in the process. The nausea hit her harder than ever, and she found herself on the bedroom floor as she gave into the need to try and empty her stomach. Diane woke up completely startled and knelt beside Alex on the floor. All she could do was call out for Piper and rub Alex's back, trying to calm her down.

"It's okay baby, I'm right here."

Piper rushed into the room and Diane told her to grab a bucket from the bathroom. Diane was scared by the sight in front of her as Alex dry heaved and groaned in pain. Piper came back with the bucket, which Diane placed next to Alex. No matter how much Alex tried, she never vomited. Diane had never seen her like this, and it broke her heart. She was thankful that within five minutes the heaving had stopped, but Alex looked pale and drained as she lay on the bedroom floor.

Diane looked towards Piper who looked absolutely terrified, "What the fuck happened?"

"I think she had a bad dream. She was already feeling sick before, now I think she's just exhausted."

Diane grabbed the bottle of water on the bedside table and tried to get Alex to sit up. "Tell me what happened Alex?"

Diane could see her daughter was speaking through clenched teeth as she managed to sit up, "It was just a dream….I just wanna sleep mum, I'm so fucking tired."

Diane hugged her daughter, "I know baby, I know." Diane hated seeing Alex go through such extreme ups and downs. She was doing so well two days ago, and now she was struggling more than ever.

"Please just get me the tin case, please…"

Diane kept rubbing Alex's back to calm her down, she'd do anything to make her feel better. But that last request worried her.

"What tin case baby?"

Diane was struggling to understand what Alex said next, but by the look on Piper's face, the blonde knew exactly what it was about.

"In my office…."

Alex seemed to be struggling to wake up properly, and Diane was not willing to take any risks. "I think we need to take you back to the hospital Alex."

"No, no it's okay. I'm okay."

Alex sat herself up against the bedside table and tried to regain some composure. Exhaustion was getting the better of her after the last 24 hours, and that dream tipped her over the edge. She kept reminding herself that she could get through this, she had to get through this.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was an hour later and Alex had taken more pain meds and managed to eat some soup. She was lying in bed with Piper while Diane finished dinner. Alex kept insisting she was fine and that exhaustion had just gotten the better of her, but Diane was still worried. She left the kitchen after dinner was ready and went into Alex's office, where she was sleeping in the spare bed. She didn't like invading Alex's privacy, but she needed answers. She kept looking through the desk drawers until she found what she was looking for, a small silver case. Diane opened the case and her heart sank, she found what she expected, but it still hurt. She let her eyes gaze over the small bag of powder, along with a needle and spoon, which all neatly fit in the small space.

She looked over her shoulder as she heard footsteps behind her, it was Piper. Diane turned around and motioned towards the small case, "I assume you knew about this?"

Piper nodded, but struggled to hold Diane's gaze, she suddenly felt ashamed. It dawned on her that Alex didn't exist in a vacuum, and things like their drug use impacted on others.

"This has to stop Piper. Remember what I told you in the hospital? This is about both of you now, and you need to take care of each other. I don't know if it's just her or both of you, but this is not okay. Did she ever tell you this is what killed her father? Too much of this fucking crap?"

"No….she never told me that."

"Well it needs to fucking stop, both of you need to stop! Don't get me wrong, I'm not delusional, I know enough about what my daughter does for a living, and I fucking hate it. But I will not sit by and let her fucking kill herself with this. I watched her father do it, and I refuse to watch my daughter do it."

Diane wasn't in the mood to waste time and walked past Piper and into Alex's room.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex was sitting up reading a book when Diane confronted her, holding the tin case in her hands.

"What the fuck is this?"

Alex knew this would happen, there was no hiding any of it from Diane when she reacted so badly after her dream.

"I'm sorry…I don't know what to say."

"That's not good enough Alex!"

"I know…."

"Are you trying to end up like Lee?"

"No."

"So what the fuck are you doing?"

"…..I don't know."

Diane was furious and needed time to process it all. She tossed the tin case on the floor before storming out of the apartment. She couldn't bring herself to look at Alex just yet, she needed to process her anger before she could have a reasonable conversation with her daughter.

 **A/N**

 **Hi folks,**

 **Thanks again for the reviews, follows and faves, it's much appreciated. These last couple chapters have been fairly Alex centric to help lay some ground work, as well as reflect the fact that Piper is desperate to ignore what happened to her. As always, all feedback is welcome.**

 **Cheers**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 _You hide inside, so not okay_

 _What if you remember more today_

 _The phone rings but there's too much to say_

 _You tell them to go when you wish they would stay_

Three days passed and Diane had barely spoken a word to Alex. Piper tried to stay out of it, but the tension in the apartment just kept getting worse.

"You need to talk to her Al."

Alex sat across from Piper at the kitchen table holding onto her coffee. She hated fighting with Diane, it made her feel empty. She knew it was her fault and she knew what she needed to do to get her life back on track. The first step was talking to Diane, but she was struggling with what to say to her mum.

"I know, I'll talk to her tonight…..Fuck, I need to get out Pipes."

"What are you talking about?"

"Fahri, the cartel, I need to get the fuck out, fuck! I don't even know if that's possible. And what the fuck would I do anyway? I never went to college, I've never had a real fucking job!

Alex stood up and started pacing around the kitchen as she thought out loud. She kept rubbing her palms up and down her jeans, but she couldn't get rid of the constant shaking. "I don't wanna end up like my dad, but part of me still wants to stay, it's a lot of money to leave behind. It's the only reason I've been able to help Diane. But fuck, I want her to be proud of me, and I want you. I don't want you to go from feeling unsafe with Jack to feeling unsafe with me."

"I don't feel unsafe with you Alex."

"Well maybe you should. How can I build a real life with you when I have this job? Besides the fact that my own mother can't bring herself to talk to me, I'm so fucked! I want to be a better person, but I don't know how."

Alex kept pacing the kitchen, she felt so conflicted. Just a few months ago she was loving her life and her job. She was moving up the ladder, being given more responsibility and travelling more, and getting more money. It's what she'd been working towards for the last three years, it gave her the type of stability she'd never had. But things changed so quickly after she met Piper, that woman changed something inside her. Especially after how things ended with Jack. It made her become more wary about her safety, and the safety of those around her. But above all else, it made her think about the future in such a different way. She needed to slow her mind down, she needed to think about this carefully. No matter how close her and Fahri may be, people didn't just leave the cartel voluntarily. She'd need to be careful and plan it out, maybe she could cut a deal with them. Maybe if she secured a massive deal with a new overseas buyer, Kubra would let her go.

Alex turned back towards Piper, who looked worried. Alex was so tired of seeing Piper looking permanently worried. But it could be worth it if she could get out of the cartel and they could have a proper life together.

"Please don't worry Pipes, it's something I'll be planning carefully, I'm not about to rush off and do something stupid. I promise."

Piper nodded at her girlfriend but it was impossible to not worry about something like that. They were also still waiting to hear more from the police on how Jack was doing, they had no idea if he was even dead or alive.

"I'm really tired Pipes, will you come lie down with me?"

Just the way Piper smiled at her made Alex feel so much better, "Of course."

The two women walked to their bedroom hand in hand. It wasn't just Alex's bedroom anymore, it was _their_ bedroom. They slipped under the covers and Piper wrapped her arms around Alex from behind, pulling their bodies close together. Those were the moments that felt the most perfect, the moments where they didn't need any words and those simple touches conveyed everything.

"I love you Alex."

"I love you too."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was almost dinner time when Diane got back to the apartment. Alex wasted no time in grabbing her hand and leading her into the office.

Alex sat Diane down on the edge of the bed and sat next to her. She looked straight ahead, almost afraid to look the other woman in the eye. "I feel like I miss you, and you're not even gone, we're in the same apartment. I trying mum, I might not be doing a great job of it but I am trying."

Diane finally looked at her daughter properly and saw the hurt in her eyes. "I know you're trying sweetie. But when it comes to you, I don't have a whole lot of patience. Because I know you're better than this."

Alex looked at the floor and shook her head, "No, I'm not. I'm a fuck up mum. And you know what? I love taking heroin. I love taking it, and I love working with it." Alex saw the tears form in Diane's eyes as soon as she said that, but she needed to keep going.

"It makes me feel calm, makes me feel happy. I take it, and I don't feel like such a fuck up anymore. It helps me forget mum, there are so many things I wish I could forget. But I promise you it never got really out of control, not like it did with dad."

Alex let her mind wander back to her father. He was never around much and basically left Diane as soon as he knew she was pregnant. But occasionally he'd stop by and visit when he was in town for a gig. But as Alex got older his drug use kept getting worse, and eventually Diane wouldn't let him see Alex anymore. The thing that hurt Alex the most was that he didn't even seem to mind, it seemed like he would rather be high than spend time with her anyway. He was dead by the time she was 8, but by that point she hadn't seen him in almost 12 months. She was never sure how to feel about his death, it was something she tried to push out of her mind. She always tried to live in the moment as much as possible, but that was getting hard to do ever since she met Piper.

"You looked pretty out of control to me the other night Alex."

"I know….I've been really struggling with what's happened. I can't shake these feelings, and the pain. Fuck, I practically begged Piper for it as well, she said no."

Diane reached out and took Alex's hand, "I'm fucking glad she said no. Alex, what happened to Piper is not your fault, and what happened to me is not your fault."

Now it was Alex's turn to feel the tears in her eyes as she kept focussing on the floor.

"I made some bad choices baby, really bad choices. I struggled too, but you and me, we always make it through to the other side. I am so sorry for the things you saw growing up, it's something I need to live with for the rest of my life. But what happened then, and what happened with Piper is not a reason for you to throw it all away."

Diane knelt down in front of Alex, who was sitting on the edge of the single bed, before she kept talking. "That girl needs you now, and both of you need to try and keep it together, without drugs."

"How am I supposed to do that mum? You know what I do for a living, so how the fuck do I do that?"

Diane rubbed Alex's cold hands, trying to comfort her, but she had no idea what to say.

"I wanna get out of this mum, I don't want this life anymore, it's not fair on the rest of you. I used to think I loved it, and I loved being able to help you out. After everything you went through to raise me, all I wanted was to make your life easier. I'm gonna try really hard to fix this, and I'm gonna try to stop using."

The two women stood up and hugged each other. Neither of them knew what would happen, but at least it was a starting point. Diane hugged Alex tighter, being careful not to hurt her, and spoke into her ear.

"I just need you to try, and you need to come to me if you're struggling, let me help you."

"I promise I will."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Life finally started to calm down a bit for Alex, Piper and Diane. The next few weeks went by, and Diane eventually moved back into her own apartment as Alex recovered from the worst of her injuries. Alex and Piper had their bad days, but they just kept trying.

Alex knew she couldn't put off seeing Fahri for much longer, he was expecting her to be working again full time very soon. Her head was still swimming about what to do, how to get away from it all. She was especially worried about leaving Piper alone for long stretches of time again. The reality was, as soon as she went back to work she'd be sent overseas again. She could not bring herself to leave Piper when everything was still so intense. The last time the police contacted them, they were told that Jack's condition had stabilised, but it was unlikely he'd ever be sent back to prison. They still weren't clear on exactly what his condition was, but Alex assumed it was pretty bad if he'd never be well enough to go to prison.

Alex had managed to stay away from heroin, but as soon as Diane moved back to her own apartment, Piper started using again. Not much, just enough to help her sleep most of the time, and she avoided using needles. If anything, seeing Piper use again in those moments made Alex more determined to stay clean. She wanted to be the strong one and have the clarity of mind to take care of Piper if anything happened.

But one good thing that had happened was Piper agreeing to see the hospital psychiatrist. Alex could see how petrified her girlfriend was about the upcoming therapy session, but she knew it was a step in the right direction. She needed someone else to talk to about it all, someone aside from Alex and Nicky. Nicky had been visiting them a lot more since Diane moved back to her own place, and Alex was extremely grateful for that. Piper needed other company, she was still so reluctant to leave the apartment. Piper had focussed all her energy on helping Alex get better, but now that she was better, the blonde didn't know what to do with all the spare time.

One night as they were about to get into bed, Alex saw Piper reaching for the familiar white powder.

"Please Pipes, not tonight." Alex reached across and rubbed Piper's arm, she wanted the blonde to know she was there and would help her through the night.

She saw Piper hesitate, but gave her the time she needed to respond, "I can't stop thinking about the therapy session. Al, I'm really fucking scared. I don't know how to say those things out loud, how do I do that?"

Alex slid further across the bed and wrapped an arm around Piper's shoulders, getting the blonde to rest her head on Alex's shoulder. "You do it at your pace okay, take it slow. If you can sit through Nicky debating the importance of indoor plants to stimulate creativity for an hour, you can do anything."

Piper let herself laugh, Alex always found a way to make her laugh, "You're an idiot."

"An idiot that's in love."

Piper shoved her girlfriend playfully, it had been so long since they joked around like this, "Now you're an idiot _and_ you're cheesy."

Piper let Alex pull her in close again and pepper her face with kisses, "Well that's the perfect combination."

They kept joking around with each other until eventually, Piper managed to fall asleep with her head resting on Alex's chest.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Nicky had finally managed to get Piper to leave the apartment. They decided to do some shopping and have a late lunch. Piper really didn't feel like going out, and mainly did it to make Alex feel better. She knew that Alex was going to meet Fahri that afternoon, and would probably be gone for a while. Alex practically begged her to go out with Nicky, saying it would make her feel better. Piper didn't believe it would make her feel better, but figured it was better than sitting alone in the apartment, waiting for Alex to get home.

Piper and Nicky finally sat down for lunch, and the blonde felt exhausted. This was the most she'd actually done in weeks, but she did reluctantly admit to herself that it felt good to get out of the apartment. But something had been bothering her for the last week, and no matter how much she tried to occupy her mind, she couldn't shake this particular feeling. She'd spent all day working up the courage to talk to Nicky about it, she needed to confide in her best friend. This was not something she was ready to tell Alex. Piper looked at Nicky, who was in the middle of devouring her burger, when she finally worked up the courage to say something.

"I'm late."

Nicky was only half listening, and looked back at Piper like she was crazy.

"Late for what? What the hell are you talking about?"

Piper leaned across the table, "My fucking period Nicky! It's late, and I'm never this late."

Nicky put down her burger, trying to process what Piper just said, "How late?"

"Two weeks."

"Fuck! Have you done a test or anything?"

"No, and I haven't said anything to Alex so you need to keep this to yourself!"

"Okay, fine. Do you wanna go pick up a test now?"

Piper slowly nodded, focussing her attention on the sandwich in front of her. She didn't want to say anything to Alex if she didn't need to. If she wasn't pregnant, there was no issue and nothing to say. Right now she couldn't even fathom what to do if she was, she couldn't process that yet.

She waited until Nicky finished her burger before going to the pharmacy, buying two home pregnancy tests. She was relieved to find Alex was still out when her and Nicky walked back into the apartment, she had no idea when Alex would be home.

Nicky waited nervously on the couch while Piper went to take the first pregnancy test. She couldn't stop cracking her knuckles, eventually lying back on the couch and running her fingers through her thick hair. She kept hoping that everything would work out, that Piper wouldn't be pregnant, but she knew it was a real possibility. A possibility that raised more questions than Nicky could keep track of. Her nerves were getting the better of her, and she rushed to her feet to get a beer from the fridge. She needed to be the one to hold it together, no matter what the outcome.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

"I need to pull back a bit, things aren't the same anymore." Alex needed to force herself to look Fahri in the eye as she spoke, she couldn't afford to show any weakness. She decided to start slow, convince him she needed to spend more time with Piper, then take it from there.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She kept reminding herself, never break eye contact, "Piper needs me, I can't afford to jump on a plane next week and leave her alone for a month."

Alex watched as Fahri took another drag on his cigarette, his brow furrowed, "That's not an option. I got you time, more time than most would ever get. You're better now, and it's time to go back to work."

Again, she kept reminding herself, keep standing your ground, "You know what happened Fahri! You fucking know, and you know me. I won't leave her alone for that long."

"I can't always protect you from them Alex, I'm sorry. I can't get you anymore time."

"Then she comes with me, that's it, that's the deal. I won't leave her behind."

"If she goes with you then she's your responsibility, make sure she doesn't make any trouble."

Alex nodded, it isn't the outcome she wanted, but she'd use it as a first step. She could see that Fahri looked worried, he wasn't a bad guy, and she knew he was right. There was only so much he could do to protect her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex had left Fahri's apartment over an hour earlier, but she wanted some time to herself. She just walked around the city, in no particular direction. She wasn't even thinking about anything, her mind was blank. All she wanted to do was sleep with Piper next to her, she would worry about the rest of her problems tomorrow.

Alex started walking back towards her car when her phone rang, it was Nicky.

"What can I do for you Nicky?"

"You need to come home now."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Look, just come home now. I'll explain when you get here."

Alex started to panic, "Is Piper okay?"

She could hear Nicky sigh into the phone, "She's okay, but she needs you to get your ass home, right fucking now."

Alex hung up and rushed towards her car, she could feel her heart pounding through her whole body. She let herself forget about work for a moment and focus on getting home as fast as she could. She'd do anything to help Piper get through this, she was the first person she'd ever fallen in love with. Aside from Diane, Piper was the only other person that mattered that much to her, she was all that mattered.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 _You don't need to scratch inside_

 _No, just please hold onto your pride_

Alex got home as fast as she could, rushing into the apartment to find Nicky and Piper sitting on the couch.

"Is someone gonna tell me what's going on?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

Alex looked towards Piper and felt her body freeze, "What?"

"I took a test, it was positive."

Alex still felt frozen, she couldn't even bring herself to speak.

"Can you please take me to the doctor, I need to make sure."

Alex managed to find her voice, "Of course, do you need me to make an appointment?"

"No, I've already sorted it out, I called the hospital after I took the test. Can you come with me tomorrow?"

Alex finally managed to move and knelt down in front of Piper, "Of course, I'll make sure I'm home all day. I'll take you, we'll sort this out." Alex placed her hands on Piper's knees, trying to steady herself as her mind raced through all the possibilities.

"What do I do? If I am…..what do I do?"

In that moment Alex went into survival mode, it's what she did best. It was the only thing she knew how to do sometimes, "I don't know, we'll work it out."

"I hadn't slept with him in months, if I am…..then it's from that night."

"I know."

"You didn't sign up for this." Piper stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen, Nicky stayed seated on the couch, hoping that Alex wouldn't run.

"You can't say that Pipes." Alex stayed close to Piper, trying to grab her hand, but she kept pulling away.

"So you're ready to be a mother? Because I'm not getting rid of it!"

Alex managed to keep a hold of Piper's hand this time, running her thumb over the soft skin, she was still in shock.

"I would never ask you to do that. Let's just take this one step at a time okay, I will take you to the doctor tomorrow. Let's just get through that first."

Piper finally turned to face Alex, who could see the fear in the blonde's eyes, "You can't leave me, no matter what happens tomorrow, you can't leave."

Alex pulled her girlfriend into a tight hug, she never wanted to let go. "I'm not leaving." Alex knew she would never leave Piper, but she also knew the last thing they were equipped to deal with was a baby, especially under these circumstances. Her life was so unstable right now, the last thing she needed or wanted in her life was a baby.

"What if I can't carry to full term, I can't go through that again. I don't know what to do Alex, please you need to help me."

Alex just kept hugging tighter, she could see Nicky still sitting on the couch, worry all over her face.

"We'll all be here to help Pipes, I promise."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The next day took forever to come, but finally, Alex and Piper were at the hospital, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for the results. Piper had been so distant all day, Alex felt like she couldn't reach her.

"I always wanted a baby, so much. But I never thought it would happen like this."

Alex just kept holding onto Piper's hand, "Let's just wait for the results okay Pipes."

"How many women…..how many do you think end up with a baby like this? How do they do it? What do they tell their child?"

"Pipes.." Alex started to interject, but Piper just kept going.

"No Alex, you need to let me talk about this. How are we gonna do this?"

The door opened before Alex could respond, and the doctor walked in, slowly making his way behind the desk. Alex felt her heart skip a beat, she felt so hot, and she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. In just a few more moments, her whole life could change forever, and it was taking all her energy to not give into the tin case she knew would be waiting for her in the glovebox of her car.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

"Piper's pregnant…."

Alex stood in the middle of Diane's apartment, not knowing what to do. Diane's heart broke for Alex and Piper, they deserved some peace, and Diane was worried neither of them were ready to cope with this.

"Where is she now?"

"Still at the hospital, they wanted to run more tests given the problems she's had in the past."

"Come on sweetie, let's sit down and talk."

Diane could see Alex's eyes glaze over, she looked miserable, and Diane felt like her daughter might shut down. She walked over to Alex and put an arm around her waist, leading her into the small kitchen. "What can I do?"

Alex kept staring straight ahead, "I don't know. Fuck, I don't know how to deal with this. If she loses it, it'll kill her, if she has it, I don't know…."

"I will help you Alex, whatever you need. You have to believe it'll be okay."

"I can't raise a kid mum, look at me, look at my life, it's not safe."

"You're trying to fix things, that's all that matters. But you need to keep it together for her Alex, you need to stay here with her."

"I'm meant to be on a fucking plane next week! I was meant to take her with me."

Diane could see that familiar look in her daughter's eyes, a look she'd seen so often when Alex was struggling as a teenager. She had to find a way to reach her before she made a poor choice that she'd regret later.

"You need to listen to me Alex, this is real, and I know it's so hard, but you have got to be strong for her. You can't run away, you can't write yourself off, no matter how much you want to. I promise I will help you, please, I need you to promise me that you're not gonna do something stupid."

All Diane got in response was silence, and her fear escalated. Alex had always been fiercely loyal to those she loved, but Diane could now see that she wasn't coping with the situation. She walked over to Alex and placed her hands on her cheeks, looking into her eyes.

"Please baby, stay here with me tonight, I'm not letting you spend the night alone."

Alex nodded, and then started walking back towards the door, "Thanks mum. I gotta go back to the hospital, I should get back to Piper."

Diane grabbed Alex by the arm before she could leave, "Promise me you'll come back here when you're done."

"I promise."

Alex left the apartment and walked back towards her car, she was anxious to see Piper again, but she had no idea what to say to her. She'd felt so nervous all day, she needed to relax. She reached into the glovebox and opened the tin case, taking out the drugs. She promised herself she wouldn't use any needles, but she needed something to get her through the rest of the day and night. She looked back towards the apartment block, making sure Diane hadn't followed her out, before inhaling the drug and driving back towards the hospital.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper lay in the hospital bed, waiting for Alex. She was trying to come to terms with what was happening, but it was a struggle. She had always wanted a baby so much, and all the problems she'd had in the past had nearly killed her emotionally. She felt like the baby situation was the catalyst that destroyed her relationship with Jack, and she was worried the same might happen with Alex. Piper tried to keep her mind clear, she knew Alex was nothing like Jack, Alex would never hurt her the way Jack did. But that didn't mean Alex wouldn't leave her. She knew Alex had never thought about having kids of her own, and that scared her.

Before she could keep worrying about the whole situation, she was ripped out of her thoughts by Nicky bursting into her room.

"Hey Pipes. I know how much you love organic crap, so I snuck you in a juice." Nicky tried to make Piper smile, giving her the small bottle of juice and sitting down next to the hospital bed.

"Thanks Nick."

"So where's your girlfriend?"

"They took me for some tests so she went to see her mum, tell her what's going on. She should be back soon."

Nicky nodded, reminding herself that she needed to have a chat to Alex before the night was over. "And how about you, how are you feeling?"

"I have no idea."

Piper felt Nicky reach out and take her hand, trying to reassure her. "You know no matter what happens, you won't be able to get rid of me, okay?"

Piper couldn't hold back her small smile after that, she knew Nicky would always be there for her.

"So what are the docs saying?"

Piper sighed, the doctors had been positive, and a part of her was still excited about the prospect of carrying to full term. But at the same time it made her feel guilty, knowing that this baby was created in the most horrible of circumstances. "They want to try some new injections that could help me go all the way. There are still no guarantees, but they think it could work. So why does it make me feel so horrible?"

"That's normal Pipes, you've been through hell lately. You just gotta focus on the positives."

Piper tightened her grip on Nicky's hand, "But I feel so guilty Nick."

"Hey, you got nothing to feel guilty about, don't fucking say that. Don't you dare feel bad for wanting this baby."

"I can't help it Nick, but I don't want to get ahead of myself, there are still so many things that could go wrong. But it's hard, and you know what? I would never think of this as Jack's baby, it would be mine, and Alex's."

"And it will be."

"But what if she leaves?"

"Trust me Pipes, if she's stuck around this long, she won't leave now."

Nicky stayed with Piper for another 30 minutes, trying to make her feel better. She had hoped to cross paths with Alex, but the brunette still wasn't there. Nicky said her goodbyes to Piper, promising to visit her again tomorrow. Nicky started walking down the hospital hallways when she saw Alex approaching her in the distance. Nicky knew that Alex hadn't done anything wrong, but she still needed to make her feelings clear to the brunette.

"Hey Nicky, did you just see Piper?"

Nicky stopped and grabbed Alex's arm, pulling her to the side of the hallway, "You better not fuck her over, do you hear me?"

Alex tried to shake off Nicky's grip, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and Piper! You do not get to run away now, if you do, it'll kill her. She's completely in fucking love with you. If you hurt her, I will fucking kill you, okay?"

Alex was still feeling woozy from the drugs she'd inhaled less than 30 minutes before, and didn't know how to respond to Nicky's anger. "All I've done is stick by her, so you can fuck off with your bullshit threats, I'm not going anywhere."

Nicky let go of Alex's arm, she was trying to let go of her anger, but it was always hard when it came to Piper. "I love her like a sister okay, and I'm worried about her. I know you've stuck by her, I just need to know you're gonna be around to help her. I'm sorry okay, I'm worried about her."

Alex was determined to end this conversation, she was sick of everyone assuming she was about to run away, "It's fine, let's just drop it okay, no hard feelings."

Alex pushed past Nicky and kept walking towards Piper's room, she was tired of everyone thinking the worst of her. Even her own mother seemed convinced Alex would try and leave. She tried to forget about everyone else's doubts and focus on Piper, she kept telling herself that was all that mattered. She also knew she needed to meet with Fahri to try and put off her trip next week, there was no way she would leave Piper alone when she needed her the most.

Alex kept walking faster until she found herself in Piper's room, she felt desperate to see the blonde and kissed her on the lips as soon as she saw her.

"I missed you Pipes." Alex leaned into her girlfriend and hugged her tight, she needed to be close.

Piper could sense how emotional Alex was feeling, "I missed you too, everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I just….I don't know, I just don't like being away from you right now."

Piper pulled Alex in for another kiss, she automatically felt better when Alex was around.

"Pipes, I'm not gonna leave you, okay. I don't know if I'm ready for a baby, and I'd probably make a pretty shitty parent. And there are so many things that make this situation so fucking hard. But I will find a way to make it all work, I won't leave you."

Alex needed to get that off her chest so badly, and it was all the truth. She had no idea what would happen, but she knew she would never leave Piper to deal with it on her own. Right now, that was the only thing she was sure of. She felt Piper hug her even tighter, and it was such a huge relief. Piper's opinion was the only one that mattered to Alex anymore.

"Thank you Alex, I love you."

"I love you too Pipes."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper was allowed to go home the next day, but the hospital wanted her to go in for regular scans. For the moment everything looked fine, but it was still very early in the pregnancy. Alex was just happy Piper was home again, she hated spending time at the hospital.

She found herself sitting on the couch alone while Piper slept. She'd already told the blonde she had a meeting with Fahri, and now she was trying to find the nerve to actually leave her apartment to speak with him. He had offered to go to her apartment but she immediately said no, she didn't want Piper to be exposed to any of this. She finally found the courage to leave the apartment and drive to meet Fahri at his.

Thirty minutes later she was sitting in his apartment, ready to go head to head.

"I can't go to Indonesia next week."

"What the fuck do you mean you can't go! I told you I've done all I can Alex, you don't have a fucking choice about this."

It was the response she was expecting, but she needed to keep going. "I know, I'm sorry. I know I owe you a lot, but you need to believe me when I say I can't go."

Fahri stood up abruptly and started pacing around his lounge room, "This is out of my hands now Alex, if you don't go, I can't protect you anymore, and you know it."

"Yeah, I know."

"So then why the fuck are you doing this!"

Alex sat in silence, she knew that no matter what her personal situation was, Kubra wouldn't care. If she was physically able to do the work, she was expected to go. Plus she'd already gotten so much time off, there was no way they'd give her more. She wasn't willing to say anything about Piper, she didn't want any of them knowing she was pregnant, not even Fahri. She didn't want to give them the option of using Piper's pregnancy against her.

"Look, I don't want to travel overseas anymore. I'll do whatever you want in that states, but that's it."

"You don't get to dictate these things Alex! All you've wanted for the last three years was to fucking travel overseas, and now you're telling me you won't do it anymore. What do you think Kubra will say to that? He needs more good people for the international drops, that's what he wants from you now!"

"I know! Look, what if I talk to him about it?"

"No Alex! Fuck, I will talk to him. But you need to start being more careful, you know this is gonna piss him off."

Alex was petrified inside, but kept reminding herself to stand her ground, "I'm one of his best, he won't want to kill me."

Fahri looked back at her, fury all over his face, "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he needs to be happy about it. I'll talk to him about it tonight, but you need to start being more careful, starting now."

Alex didn't stay much longer, she was desperate to get out of there and away from Fahri. She knew he was right about Kubra, but there was nothing she could do about it, she felt so trapped. She kept trying to convince herself that so long as they left Piper alone, she could handle whatever they threw at her.

She rushed back to her car and reached for the glovebox again, her hands were shaking after that conversation, and she needed to calm down before she went back home. All she wanted was to calm down and forget about all her problems, even if it was only for a short while.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks, apologies for the delay with this chapter. Promise I'll try get back to weekly updates. I'm really keen to hear your feedback on how this story is progressing.**

 **Cheers.**

 _Neither side is sacred_

 _No one wants to win_

 _Feeling so sedated_

 _Think I'll just give in_

Time started to go by painfully slowly for Alex, she hadn't spoken to Fahri at all, and Piper had to go back to the hospital for the start of her regular scans. Everything still looked fine, but she would need to see the doctor each week until she had the baby.

Alex spent all her spare time with Piper, she wanted to show the blonde that she was with her all the way, and the reality was that Alex didn't want to be away from Piper anyway. After everything that had happened, she'd found a new appreciation for the smallest parts of their relationship, the quiet moments they had together. But Alex was craving intimacy with her girlfriend, she missed those moments the most. It wasn't even just about the act of sex. It was the moments after sex where Alex would wrap her arms around Piper and she'd feel so close to her that it almost hurt. No matter how much time passed, the intensity of those moments never wavered, and Alex could never get enough of that feeling. They hadn't had sex since before the night Piper was raped, and Alex was afraid to broach the topic. She didn't want Piper to feel like she had to have sex, and didn't want to make the blonde feel uncomfortable in general. Piper had been through such an emotional rollercoaster, Alex wanted to give her complete control over the situation. It was something they had discussed briefly, and Alex wanted to make it very clear that she would never make Piper do something she was uncomfortable with. She told Piper it didn't matter how long it took, she'd wait until Piper was ready to be intimate again.

Alex was also determined to make their lives as normal as possible. She didn't want to talk to Piper about the cartel, or about Jack and whether or not he'd ever be able to stand trial. No, she wanted to give them a normal life. A life where they were just two people trying to live their lives.

It was a weeknight and the two women lay next to each other in bed, Alex was determined to make Piper take it easy, no matter how bored she got at times. It was a warm night, and Alex lay on top of the blankets in a black tank top reading a book, while Piper lay next to her. Alex was drawn out of the world of her book when she felt Piper graze her fingers over her thighs and then up over her stomach, eventually intertwining their fingers.

"Thank you for being patient."

Alex squeezed the blonde's hand, "Don't be silly Pipes, none of that matters. All I care about is making sure you're okay."

Piper kept her gaze on Alex, who was completely transfixed on those blue eyes. Alex watched as Piper emerged from under the covers in her black underwear and the white t-shirt she liked to sleep in. Alex stayed still as Piper got on top of her, placing her legs on either side of Alex's, straddling her body. Alex watched as Piper sat on top of her, running her hands up and down Alex's torso. Alex put her hands on Piper's hips to help steady her.

"There's no rush Pipes, I'll be here whenever you're ready."

Piper didn't respond and kept running her hands up and down Alex's body, trying to imprint the feeling of the soft skin under her finger tips into her memory. She leaned down and touched her cheek to Alex's, slowly moving her face until their lips were grazing. Alex kept her focus on the blonde's gaze, silently letting her know that she was in complete control. Piper finally spoke in barely a whisper, still with her lips grazing Alex's.

"Why do I always feel so drawn to you? All I want to do is feel you, it makes me feel safe, like I can forget about all the shitty things, and just focus on this."

Alex smiled and closed the distance between their lips, kissing Piper softly. This wasn't about sex, it was about reconnecting and letting Piper take the lead. After a few moments of soft kisses, Piper lowered her head until her cheek was resting against Alex's chest, and she let herself melt into the woman underneath her. Alex wrapped her arms around the blonde, feeling her long deep breaths against her own body. It made Alex feel good, she could tell Piper was feeling relaxed, and she'd do anything to make sure that feeling lasted. Alex ran her hands up and down Piper's back, eliciting a hum from the blonde as she enjoyed the contact and closed her eyes. Piper managed a few more words before she let herself drift off to sleep against her girlfriends chest, "This, right here, I'm pretty sure this is what love feels like."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex spent most of the next day arranging shipments to and from Indonesia, Fahri had finally emailed her with a list of work he needed her to do. She was glad he hadn't raised the travel issue again, but she knew it wasn't over, and she prepared herself to face the heat over refusing to go overseas. She tried to not think about it, there was nothing she could do about it anyway. Ever since the reality of Piper's pregnancy sunk in, Alex knew she had to be more careful about how she tried to extricate herself from the cartel.

It was nearly lunch time and she was starving, deciding she'd head out to get food for herself and Piper. Alex walked up to Piper, who was juicing oranges in the kitchen, wrapping her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on Piper's shoulder.

"I'm gonna head out to grab some lunch, you want in? Or are you on a juice kick?"

"Very funny Al." Piper turned around so she was facing her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her neck. "Surprise me."

Alex untangled herself from Piper's arms and threw her a wink as she left the apartment. She smiled to herself, trying to decide what she could surprise Piper with. She was just about to get into her car when she felt a hand clamp over her mouth and her body was pushed into the side of her car. Her mind flashed back to that night, she couldn't let that happen again, she needed to fight back and get to Piper. Alex threw her head back, knocking her attacker backwards, it was the only way she could get free. She was determined to not let her panic take over and ignored the pain in the back of her head. She turned around to see someone lying on the ground, blood dripping through their hands that were covering their nose. Alex saw a gun and syringe lying on the ground and immediately grabbed them both. She pointed the gun at her attacker who was now holding up their hands in defeat, it was Aiden.

Alex steadied her hands as she kept the gun trained on him, "What the fuck are you doing?!"

He looked back at her, saying nothing. But it didn't even matter, she knew exactly what he was doing, it was a warning. She looked at the syringe she still held in her other hand, it was almost definitely heroin. There was no doubt in her mind that Aiden was there to inject her and drag her off somewhere else to let her overdose in peace. It probably wouldn't have been enough to kill her, not yet, but it was the first warning, saying no to Kubra wasn't an option.

She stuffed the gun in her jeans and held onto the needle as she ran back to her apartment. She knew Aiden wouldn't follow her, he'd lost the element of surprise. He'd be forced to go back to Kubra and admit she'd gotten away, which wouldn't shine him in a positive light either. Alex burst through the front door of her apartment, scaring Piper who was still standing in the kitchen.

"Fuck Al, you scared me. Did you forget something?"

Alex kept reminding herself she didn't have time to relax yet, she needed to get Piper out of the apartment.

"We need to go now!"

Alex grabbed Piper by the hand and dragged her out of the apartment and back towards her car, of course, Aiden was gone. Alex pushed the blonde into the passenger seat and she jumped behind the wheel, tyres screeching as she drove off. Alex was still functioning on auto-pilot, she was afraid she'd fall apart if she stopped to think.

Alex threw the gun and needle into the centre consol. Piper looked at her with her eyes wide open, concern creeping across her face. "You're scaring me Alex, what the hell is going on?"

Alex tried to ignore Piper's questioning, she needed to keep going. But Piper did not appreciate being ignore. "Alex!"

Alex looked across at her girlfriend, whose face was now stricken with fear. She couldn't drive and answer Piper's questioning at the same time, and she was finally starting to feel how much her head actually hurt. She pulled the car over in a side street and tried to calm down, but the back of her head was throbbing. She pressed her hand to the sore spot but everything felt warm and sticky. When she moved her hand back into her line of vision she saw her hand was covered in blood, "Fuck!"

"What the fuck happened to you Alex!"

Piper reached across the centre console and tried to get a look at Alex's head, the brunette didn't even bother trying to stop her.

"Please Al, just calm down and talk to me."

"I don't think it's safe for you to stay at my apartment anymore, I can't take that risk, especially not now."

Piper's frustration was growing with each moment as Alex continued to dodge her questions. "You need to tell me what the fuck is going on!"

"Okay, okay, just stay calm." Alex was sure stress wouldn't be good for Piper right now, and tried to gather herself, there was no avoiding Piper's questioning.

"I told Fahri I didn't wanna travel anymore, that I'd just do stuff in the States, I'm trying to get out of this slowly Pipes. Besides, if I went overseas for them now it wouldn't just be for a few weeks, it'd be for a few months. Anyway, saying no obviously didn't go down well."

"So Fahri had someone come after you?"

"No, Fahri's not like that, he'd never hurt me on purpose. It would've been Kubra. Anyway, when I went to get lunch there was someone waiting at my car, they tried to stick me with this." Alex showed Piper the syringe she'd thrown into the centre console, she had no idea how to read the blonde's expression.

"I got away, and now we're here."

Piper felt her eyes stinging, but she was determined to not let her tears fall, she was worried about Alex's safety all over again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, promise. But it's not safe for you to stay with me right now, not until I sort things out with Kubra."

Piper's concern was quickly replaced with anger. She knew Alex was just trying to protect her, but she was sick of other people making decisions for her. "No fucking way Alex! I'm not moving back into my old house, I'm not leaving you alone!"

Alex leaned in closer to Piper, putting a hand to her cheek. "Hey, just listen to me okay, you just gotta give me some time, this is the only way I can protect you."

"They know that's where I used to live anyway Alex! I'm no safer there."

"They won't come after you if I'm not there! They're not out to hurt you, they want to scare me okay. I can't take the risk that you'll get caught in the middle of something, that you'll get hurt by accident. Please Pipes, I know it's not ideal, but I can't live with myself if something happens to you."

Piper was so frustrated, she wanted to lash out at the world. Things had finally started to feel normal again, she didn't know if she could cope staying in that house alone. Sometimes she felt like Alex was the only one that could help her feel okay, apart from maybe Nicky. Piper kept looking straight ahead, "I don't wanna be alone Al."

Alex reached across the centre console and grabbed Piper's hand, "You won't be alone Pipes, you'll still see me, and we can talk to Nicky, get her to stay with you, and my mum."

"And what about you Al! Who's going to be there to make sure you don't get hurt? You keep saying you don't want me to get hurt. Well do you fucking realise that I don't want you to get hurt either! I'm not as pathetic as you all seem to think I am, I can take care of myself, I can help. I knew what I was getting myself into with you, I knew the truth all along. How do you expect me to stay away from you, constantly worrying about whether or not you're okay?"

Piper's words hit Alex hard, they made her hate herself. The two sat in silence for a few moments, trying to absorb how quickly their day had changed. Alex tried to stay focussed, she needed to keep it together. She had to get Piper back to her own house and then find Fahri, she needed to find out how much he knew.

"Just let me talk to Fahri, then I'll call you. I'm so sorry Pipes, this is the only way I know how to protect you."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Fahri agreed to meet Alex that night at a bar in the city, Alex wanted to make sure all their meetings from now on happened in public places. She didn't believe Fahri would ever hurt her, but she needed to accept the risk that Aiden or one of the others was tracking him, Kubra knew Alex and Fahri were close. She walked into the bar when it was close to midnight, and saw him standing near the rear exit, and walked towards him. He looked more stressed than usual, maybe it was a sign he knew something.

"So what's going on Alex?"

"Did you know about it?"

Fahri sighed, "I already told you Alex, saying no was never going to end well. They haven't told me anything, and I doubt they will. Kubra will be organising this on his own, he wouldn't risk you finding out."

"Of course…." Alex grabbed the beer Fahri was holding and took a long sip.

She saw him looking at her, he looked worried. "What happened?"

"Aiden was waiting outside my apartment."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to know if you knew."

"Fair enough."

Alex gave the beer back to Fahri and left the bar, all she could do right now was go home and try to sleep. Tomorrow she would call Kubra, she didn't have any other choice but to talk to him.

Alex was exhausted by the time she got home, but felt completely wired, she was desperate to get at least a few hours of sleep. She went into her office and retrieved the familiar white powder, inhaling just enough to help her sleep. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in the bed without Piper, so opted for the couch instead. She kicked off her shoes and let her body collapse against the material as she closed her eyes, but all she could see was Piper.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane hadn't seen or spoken to Alex in a few days. Her daughter wasn't answering the phone, so Diane decided she might as well go to her apartment. Even though things had started to calm down, Diane still worried about both Alex and Piper, she couldn't help it. She didn't think it would ever matter how old Alex was, she'd always worry about her to some extent.

The thing that worried Diane the most at the moment was Alex's talk of wanting to leave the cartel. It was something she'd wanted to hear her daughter say for so long, but at the same time she knew it wouldn't be easy. Alex had always kept Diane on a need to know basis with her work, but Diane wasn't stupid, she knew the people Alex worked for were dangerous.

Diane kept knocking on Alex's door, but she never answered, so she decided to use her spare key and let herself in. She found Alex asleep on the couch, not stirring at all as Diane walked towards her. It reminded her of when she'd watch Alex sleep as a teenager, it was one of the few times growing up that her daughter looked relaxed. Diane couldn't focus on old memories for too long as her eyes drifted to the coffee table, where she saw the familiar tin case. Her heart immediately sank, and she sat down in the armchair next to the couch. When she first found out Alex was using, she got so angry, she didn't understand how Alex could go down that path after what happened to her father. Alex had promised her she would try and stay clean, but that obviously hadn't worked out. Did she try to stop at all? Had she been using this whole time? Diane couldn't stop the questions from clogging up her thoughts.

She wasn't angry now, not like she was last time, right now she just felt broken hearted. She knew there was no point getting angry at Alex, that never worked, and she knew things hadn't been easy lately. Diane decided that all she could do was be there for Alex, and try to get her to do the right thing.

Diane had no idea how long she'd been sitting in the arm chair before Alex woke up. It was almost 1pm, and Alex stretched out her long arms while she yawned. Alex grabbed her glasses from the coffee table, and her eyes met Diane's, startling her.

"Shit! Mum, what are you doing here?"

Diane didn't say anything, she just let Alex follow her gaze to the coffee table, exposing her secret once again. Diane watched as Alex put her head in hands, trying to compose herself.

"There's nothing I can say mum. Yesterday was bad, and by the end of it I was so fucking tired, but I couldn't sleep. I just needed to sleep….."

Diane looked into Alex's eyes, she looked genuinely shattered and exhausted. She watched as Alex rubbed the back of her head with a grimace on her face.

"Where's Piper?"

"She's at her place."

"Shouldn't she be here with you? Or did you guys have a fight?"

Alex had no idea what to say to her mum. She didn't want to tell her anything, but she knew Diane would push for answers.

"She just needs to stay there for a while, I have a few things to sort out. But I know she'd love it if you visited her sometime."

Diane was starting to lose her patience, "Cut the bulshit Alex! Why the hell isn't she here with you?"

"Because this is the only way I can keep her safe! This is all I can do mum, I don't wanna say anymore, I'm trying to make things right okay. Once that's done, things can go back to normal."

"Do you really believe that Alex? That you can make things go back to normal by pushing all of us away! I know you don't want to tell me what's going on, but I'm scared, I'm scared for you."

Diane moved from the armchair and sat next to Alex on the couch, putting an arm around her. She was surprised when Alex didn't push her away, but instead leaned her head against Diane's shoulder.

Alex let herself have that moment, where she was still the child and Diane was the adult that could make it all go away. She needed that moment, before she let herself accept the reality that she was the adult now, and no one else was going to save her.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex eventually managed to convince Diane to go home, but her mum was in no way convinced that everything would be okay.

She took a deep breath and gathered up the courage to dial the number of the person she was the most afraid of.

"Kubra, we need to talk."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 _Are you the half that's gonna swallow the gun_

 _Exactly where do you stand_

 _You seem to have trouble being human_

Kubra had agreed to meet Alex in a warehouse downtown later that night. Alex was parked out the front, trying to calm herself down, she didn't know what to expect. She wasn't willing to take any chances, and had brought Aiden's gun with her. She'd never shot someone before, but right now she was willing to do anything to keep herself and Piper safe. She finally worked up the courage to get out of her car and walk into the warehouse. She didn't get far before she saw Aiden standing in a doorway off the main warehouse area, he indicated for her to follow him. He had a bruised and swollen nose from where Alex had hit him, but he didn't show any emotion when he saw her. She followed him until they were in a small office where she saw a large figure standing in the corner, it was Kubra. She held her ground as their eyes met, never letting herself look away.

"Please, Alex, sit down."

"I'd rather stand if that's okay."

Kubra held her gaze, he always looked so intense, it didn't matter how many times she saw him, that intensity was always in his eyes.

"No one is going to hurt anyone tonight Alex, so sit down."

Alex took the hint and sat in the chair across from where he was standing. He grabbed another chair and pulled it close to her before sitting in it. She jumped when she felt Aiden put his hands on her shoulders.

"That's more for my safety than anything else, surely you can understand that?"

Alex just nodded, waiting for him to keep talking.

"We have a problem here Alex. You've become one of my best, you were always loyal, I put a lot of trust in you. Even after Fahri told me your local sales were down and you'd started something with a customer, I let it go. I knew how important you were for the international drops going forward, so I told Fahri it was okay so long as you made up the shortfall. Then this woman, Piper, you end up in the hospital because of her. I don't like it when people fuck with my employees, so we took care of it."

Alex just kept looking at him, saying nothing. She wanted to see what he had to say before she bothered trying to reason with him.

"Then Fahri practically begs me to give you enough time off, let you recover properly and look after your woman. I said yes, because I needed you to be perfect for the upcoming drops to Indonesia. Then I hear, that you don't want to travel anymore. After all I fucking did to make sure you were okay, you turn around and refuse the drops. Now that, made me really fucking angry."

Alex felt Aiden tighten his grip on her shoulders, she kept reminding herself to hold her nerve.

"How old are you now Alex? 26? 27?"

Kubra glared at her until she answered his question, "27."

"You were a lost soul when Fahri met you and brought you to me. You didn't look like much, but you turned out to be good. We gave you an opportunity, a new life. After all of this, you still turn around and say no to me. That's not an option Alex, you owe me a lot."

"I know, but you need to hear me out."

Kubra continued to glare at her, and gestured for her to speak.

"I can do local drops okay, but I have things I need to take care of here, I can't be gone for months at a time right now."

"I can get anyone to do local drops, I need you for the Indonesia drops, there's no room for error there."

Alex knew she needed to keep trying to negotiate with him, threatening him would be as good as signing her own death certificate.

"You have plenty of people that can do those drops, you don't need me for that."

Now he was getting agitated, "You fucking owe me Alex! You don't get to decide what you do here, I decide. And I've decided that you're getting on a plane tonight and doing your fucking job."

Before Alex could say anything she felt one of Aiden's hands move from her shoulder and a gun being held to her head moments later.

"Wait!" Alex knew she had no power in this situation, she needed to appeal to what was most important to him, power and money.

"Give me 2 months in Bali, I'll double the drop offs there. If I can do that, you let me work stateside and organise the Indonesian drops from home. I'll set it all up while I'm there, none of your other people would be willing to do that for you."

Alex had no idea how the hell she would double their drops there, but she needed to try. It was one of the most dangerous areas for them, so anything she could do to get Kubra a bigger foothold there would be impressive. He seemed to be contemplating her offer, his desire to grow his power base ultimately making the decision for him.

"Okay, deal. But there will be severe consequences if you don't deliver."

"I will deliver, you know I will."

"That's good, because I will kill Diane if you don't."

Those last words stopped Alex completely, her mouth felt instantly dry and she could feel the sweat starting to form on the back of her neck.

"I know all about Diane, you bought her a nice little apartment right? From the money you earned through my organisation."

Alex's last shred of self-control had left her as soon as he threatened Diane, "Don't you fucking dare touch her."

"You still don't seem to understand Alex, you're not in charge here, I am. And don't worry about Piper, I'll keep an eye on her too."

"Why go to all this trouble to threaten me, huh? It hardly seems worth your energy, I'm nobody."

"You're a nobody that's going to open up the Indonesian market for me, and make me a lot of money. You did better than any of the others the last time Fahri sent you there."

The three of them stayed in silence for a few moments. Alex felt like the gun she'd stuffed into the back of her jeans was burning a hole into her skin, but she wouldn't be able to get to it with Aiden pointing a gun to her head.

"Maybe I should remind you of what I can do to people." Kubra grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her over to a desk that had a small security screen on it. It showed a person lying in a hospital bed, tubes going everywhere.

"Jack will never be able to stand trial for what he did to you and your girlfriend, that's the kind of protection I can offer you. Don't forget that."

Alex knew she was completely trapped, she felt so angry, part of her wanted to pull out the gun and shoot Kubra right there.

"You've got 3 hours to pack a bag, get your passport and meet us back here. Aiden will take you to the airport, just to make sure there are no issues. "

Alex clenched her teeth and left the building. She slammed her car door and sunk into the driver's seat, that was not how the night was meant to end. She held back her tears as she started the car, she needed to talk to Piper first, and then Diane.

It felt like it took forever to get to Piper's house, it felt weird going to see her there, it felt wrong. But Alex would still feel better knowing Piper was staying there and not in her apartment.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper opened the front door and threw her arms around the brunette. She was starting to feel like Alex was slipping away from her, and it was petrifying. She felt Alex pull away from the hug and the two women stood there looking at each other, she ran her fingertips down Alex's cheeks, her skin was always so soft and her eyes were always so pensive, it made Piper feel like she was the only person in the world.

Piper led Alex into the house, feeling like she was about to receive bad news.

"What's wrong Al?" She sat on the couch in the living room and pulled Alex down to sit next to her.

"I just met with Kubra."

"And?"

"I made a deal with him. If I go to Indonesia for 2 months, double his business there, I won't need to travel anymore. I can mostly work from home."

Piper didn't know what to say, she knew Alex was doing her best in a tough situation, but she didn't know how to cope on her own for 2 months. There was so much going on in their lives at the moment, she was so worried about the baby, the idea of being away from Alex for that long felt impossible. She looked into her girlfriend's eyes and was almost relieved to see tears there, it made her realise this wouldn't be easy for Alex either, it made Alex's pain more tangible.

"I'm sorry Pipes, I know how fucking horrible the timing is, but if I can do this, then it's my first step towards getting out in the long run."

Piper was surprised when Alex lay her head in her lap and started crying, all Piper wanted was to take away her pain. She gently rubbed Alex's back, trying to help her calm down, "When do you leave?"

"Tonight…."

That response pushed Piper over the edge, and she let her own tears roll down her cheeks, she didn't know how to do any of this without Alex.

"Will you be safe?"

Alex lifted her head and locked onto Piper's gaze, "I promise I'll be fine. But you need to promise me that you'll stay here okay? Then when I'm back we can move back into my apartment, it'll be _our_ apartment, and things can go back to normal. Then I can take care you of and the baby."

Piper just nodded, she hated every part of what Alex was saying, "I don't know how to do this without you." Piper didn't bother trying to hold back her tears, her heart was completely broken in that moment. She let Alex pull her into a tight hug, she never wanted Alex to let her go.

"I'll get Nicky and my mum to keep you company and take you to your appointments, I know how fucking strong you are Pipes, I know you can do this."

Piper buried her face in Alex hair, "I don't feel strong without you."

"I will call you every day, I want to know how every appointment goes. It fucking kills me to do this, I'm gonna miss you so much."

The two women spent the next hour together, but there wasn't much talking. They lay together on the couch, just holding each other until Alex had to go. Piper watched Alex leave the house, knowing she wouldn't see her for another 2 months. She kept telling herself it would be okay, she'd get through the next 2 months without Alex, she had to believe that was true.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex felt completely broken when she left Piper's house, she felt like she didn't deserve her. But she couldn't let herself get dragged down by her own emotions, she had a huge task ahead of her and she needed to focus. She drove back to her apartment, packed a bag and grabbed her passport. There were still 2 phone calls she needed to make before she went back to the warehouse, Diane and Nicky.

She called Nicky first, and she didn't take the news well.

"What the fuck Alex! You can't leave her for 2 months, not now."

"I don't have a choice Nicky! Things will be better once I'm back, I'll be around to take care of her."

Even though Alex couldn't see Nicky's face, she knew it would be twisted with anger and worry. Alex knew Nicky was just worried about her best friend, but she was sick of Nicky believing she wasn't thinking about Piper.

"That's all you ever say Alex, that things will get better. But here you are, leaving her when she's at her most fucking vulnerable. She will not cope if something happens while you're gone."

Alex's voice started to break, she was sick of everyone always labelling her as the bad guy in life. Literally everything she was doing right now was for Piper.

"Please Nicky, I don't have the energy to fight with you. I just need you to take care of her while I'm gone. You have no fucking idea how hard it is for me to leave her like this. You of all people should realise that I don't have a fucking choice. It's also kinda insulting that by this point you don't realise that I'd do anything for her. So fuck you, and your judgements, I don't need it!"

Alex ended the call and immediately called Diane, she was sick of Nicky's attitude towards her, she didn't want to listen to it anymore. Just when Alex thought Diane wouldn't answer, she heard her mum's voice, "Hi Al, how's it going?"

Alex took a deep breathe before she started talking, she knew this would upset Diane a lot.

"Ummm, look, it's not so good right now."

"What's going on Alex?"

"I need to go to Bali, tonight, I'll be gone for 2 months."

There was a pause, she could hear Diane breathing into the phone. She eventually spoke again but her voice was low, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"This is the only way I can fix things mum, I'm sorry. But I need you to look out for Piper, she's still at her place. I already spoke to Nicky, she hates me more now than she did already. I need you guys to look after her while I'm gone, this whole pregnancy thing is tough for her. I need you to make sure she's okay mum."

"Of course I'll look out for her Alex, but I'm more worried about you. I'm worried about you disappearing and never coming back."

Alex tried to lighten the mood, she hated it when Diane got serious about things like this, "Trust me, I couldn't take the humidity over there for more than 2 months."

"You know that's not what I mean Al, you know what I'm worried about."

"Yeah…I know. Look, I gotta go mum, I'll call you when I get there. I love you."

"I love you too baby."

Alex ended the call, she needed a few moments to gather herself, to stop her hands from shaking. She managed to find the strength to get up and leave the apartment, knowing that she'd probably be lucky to be back here in 2 months time.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex's first week in Bali was a blur. She needed to reconnect with all the people she met last time and get them to introduce her to new people. There was no time to rest and she worked all day and night. She needed to get these people to trust her and agree to buy her shipments, she was just glad this was one place she knew very well. She had been up for 3 days straight, living off uppers and orange juice, it was the only way she could keep up with these guys.

It was 3am on the Friday of her first week and Alex was struggling, sitting on the floor of her hotel room bathroom, trying to pull herself together. After being awake and working for 3 days straight, everything in front of her was a blur. All of a sudden all she could hear was her own breathing, she couldn't get that sound out of her head. She knew she'd hit a wall and needed to sleep, pulling her tin case out of her jacket pocket, which was balled up on the floor next to her. But a bump wouldn't be enough, not after so many uppers, the only way she'd sleep was if she injected. She tried to focus on the contents of the tin case but it was impossible, she couldn't see straight at all. She thought she heard a door opening, but she decided it was all in her head, she never forgot to lock the door. But she was wrong, she looked up to see a woman standing in the bathroom door, it was one of the new local contacts she was trying to get on board. Her father was a big player in the local scene, and Alex needed to get her onside.

Alex spent most of her night talking to this woman, flirting along the way, but never crossing the line. She must have told her what room she was staying in, but the truth was Alex couldn't remember much from the last few hours. The woman, Naya, knelt down in front of Alex with a smile on her face.

"Alex Vause, are pills getting the better of you?"

Alex tried to laugh it off, "No, but lack of sleep is."

"If your pupils were any wider right now, I'd be lost in a sea of green and nothing else. Good thing you told me which room you were in."

Alex vaguely remembered the conversation, trying to sweet talk Naya without actually sleeping with her. "I'm pretty sure my pupils are fine, you trying being awake for 72 hours and see how you feel after."

Naya smiled back, Alex could tell she liked her, which was crucial as she needed to get a meeting with her father. For all the smart ass comments she could sit there and make, she still felt completely wrecked. Alex watched as Naya picked up the tin case, "Tell you what Alex, you let me do this for you, and I'll spend the night to make sure you're okay. Then tomorrow, I'll take you to see my father. Kubra speaks highly of you, so I'm sure my father would like to meet to at least try and negotiate something."

Alex was so relieved, she rest her head back against the bath tub and smiled, "Deal."

The logical part of Alex's brain kept screaming that she was playing a dangerous game, but she still kept getting sucked in by the adrenalin rush. A deal with Naya's father would mean big money for Kubra, and she was willing to take serious risks to lock it away. She tried to watch as Naya prepared the needle, but she couldn't even tell how much heroin she was using. She stayed perfectly still as the other woman reached over to pull Alex's top off, exposing her long pale arms, "I assume someone like you has an elastic band around here?"

Alex pointed towards the basin, where she left a band in the top drawer. She watched as Naya took the band and pulled it tight around her arm, exposing her veins. "Are you ready?"

Alex just nodded and watched closely as Naya found a good vein and injected the drugs into her. Once again, she felt that warm feeling rise through her entire body, and she loved it. Before she could say anything to the other woman, she felt herself losing consciousness, but she tried to fight it. She could barely register what was happening around her, until she felt hands stoking her cheeks. For a moment she completely forgot where she was, and all she could imagine was Piper lying next to her in their bed, gently touching her cheeks to wake her up in the morning. But Alex was brought back to her harsh reality, sitting on a bathroom floor in Bali with Naya straddling her lap. All she could do was watch as the other woman kissed her gently on the neck, slowly moving her kisses closer to Alex's mouth. But every time Alex closed her eyes, she kept imagining Piper in front of her, kissing her.

After a few more moments Alex had lost all touch with reality, she couldn't tell the difference between what was actually in front of her and what she saw when she closed her eyes. Naya moved her lips towards Alex's mouth, kissing her as she started rubbing Alex's breasts through her bra.

"Piper…."

Whether or not Naya heard what Alex said, it didn't seem to matter as she started grinding her hips into the woman beneath her. But Alex's body was ready to shut down, and her eyes closed slowly as her body slumped to the bathroom floor, sleep had finally found her.

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks,**

 **Thanks again for all the new favs/follows/comments. I was initially going to make this a longer chapter, but then decided to just post as is, I thought it was a reasonable place for a chapter break anyway. The next chapter will be mostly Alex in Bali, and then views of how Piper is coping on her own. As always, please review.**

 **Cheers.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**

 **I assume this chapter will probably polarise readers, but this is how I originally envisaged the story going. Let's see what you all think of it.**

 **Cheers.**

 **Chapter 18**

 _She likes the sound_

 _She likes the sand_

 _She likes to stand, she can't afford to sit_

Alex woke up the next day still lying on the bathroom floor. But now there was a pillow under her head and a blanket over her. She still felt exhausted, but she didn't have time to rest. Just as she sat up and leaned against the bath tub, she noticed Naya sitting next to her. Alex remembered that she didn't have her top on, and pulled the blanket up over her chest.

"I thought you'd never wake up." She reached across and brushed Alex's long hair from her face as she smiled.

"Neither did I….what time is it?"

Naya looked at her watch, "It's just after 4pm, you've been out for about 12 hours."

"Fuck!" Alex was annoyed at herself, she didn't have time to waste sleeping for 12 hours. "How much did you give me last night?"

"No more than you could handle."

That response made Alex uncomfortable, but she knew it was her own fault. She let Naya prepare the needle and inject her, even though she had no idea how much heroin she'd used. Her memories from last night were extremely blurred. The last thing she remembered was Naya injecting her, and then thinking about Piper. She promised her girlfriend she'd call every day, and she meant it. She needed to call her before she was out again all night, before she finally got to meet Naya's father.

"So when do I get to meet your father?"

Naya moved closer, "Tonight, I'll be here at 10 pm, then we'll go see him together. He wants to know if you can get him big volumes every month, he wants to spread his wings."

Alex didn't know what to say, she knew what Naya wanted from her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Then I'll be ready by 10 tonight…And thank you, for last night."

The other woman smiled and kept brushing her finger tips over Alex's cheek. She was beautiful, in the past Alex wouldn't have hesitated to sleep with her, but not now.

"I'll see you tonight Alex."

Naya kissed Alex on the cheek and left the hotel room, Alex was relieved to finally be alone. She put her top back on and dragged herself off the bathroom floor, she felt completely exhausted and threw herself onto the bed. She set an alarm for 9pm to give herself time to get ready, but right now she needed to keep sleeping. The most important thing was that she'd secured the meeting with Naya's father, that in itself deserved the reward of more rest, it would be a long night after all.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper lay in her old bed, the one she used to share with Jack, and she hated it. In that moment she hated Alex for leaving and for making her stay at her old place. Everything reminded Piper of her old life, and of that night. She stayed away from the kitchen as much as possible, her anxiety spiked every time she was in there, it reminded her of what Jack did to her and Alex. She couldn't step foot in that kitchen without remembering his weight on top of her, the fact that she couldn't push him off. If it wasn't that, it was remembering what he did to Alex, the fact that he had nearly killed her that night, Piper hated that house.

Alex had only been gone a week and Piper was already wrought with anxiety, after one fucking week. How was she meant to cope for another 2 months? It made her hate herself, it made her feel weak. The baby was the only thing stopping her from using heroin, but she still craved it.

Diane was staying with her for a few days and Piper couldn't express how thankful she was. Her emotions were all over the place and Nicky was still annoyed at Alex for leaving. She heard Diane knocking on her bedroom door before opening it.

"Hey sweetie, Alex is on the phone."

Piper immediately sat up and watched Diane walk towards her, "She wants to talk to you, she misses you."

"Thanks Diane." Piper couldn't keep the smile off her face as she took the phone from Diane, who left the room to give her privacy.

"Hey Al."

"Hey Pipes, how's it going?"

Every time Alex called her, that was always the first thing she said, "It's going okay."

"You don't need to say that for my benefit Pipes, tell me how you really feel."

"….I miss you."

"I miss you too…How did your appointment go yesterday?"

"It was fine, the baby's still fine, your mum came with me."

"That's great."

They spoke for another 15 minutes before Alex had to go, and Piper hated it. Part of her resented Alex for going, even though she knew her girlfriend didn't have much of a choice. Piper felt like she was always sitting around waiting for Alex, and she wanted to get her own life back.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was nearly 10pm and Alex was waiting for Naya to pick her up, but she was feeling flat. She felt like Piper didn't really want to talk to her, there was something missing from her voice, from the way she spoke to Alex. It bothered Alex, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She saw the front door open and Naya walked in.

"You really don't like knocking do you?"

"I think after last night we can do away with things like that."

Alex knew exactly what Naya was trying to do, she needed to keep playing the game. She was about to suggest they leave when Naya stopped her in her tracks, opening her palm showing a range of pills.

"I thought you'd like to start the night with one of these, I don't want you to run out of energy too early."

Alex stayed quiet as she looked at the pills, eventually taking the two she wanted and swallowing them before they left the apartment. She knew she was taking risks, but she was feeling almost invincible. Everything had been going right since she'd gotten to Bali, she was starting to feel like she would more than double Kubra's drops in 2 months. It reminded her of why she used to love her job, why she used to be so desperate to travel for the cartel. But then she thought about Piper at home and she felt guilty about her excitement. Deep down she knew she'd give it all up to have a normal life with Piper.

She followed Naya out of the apartment and into the night, she was ready for whatever happened.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

It was 12 hours later before Alex got back to her apartment with Naya following behind. The negotiations had gone well, there were a few more things to sort out but this would definitely be a lucrative new business relationship for the cartel. Alex was relieved it was over, but she also enjoyed it. She lay on her bed and let her body relax, but she was still feeling the buzz from the pills she took at the start of the night.

She felt Naya lie down next to her, stretching an arm across Alex's stomach. She was uncomfortable with how close the other woman was getting, but she couldn't afford to damage this very new relationship.

"We should celebrate after a night like that, what do you have in the room?"

Alex had absolutely no desire to do any more drugs, the last thing she wanted was to end up going through withdrawals in a week from over doing it. Besides that, she was pretty sure she knew what Naya's angle was. She was gorgeous, with long dark hair and brown eyes, Alex was definitely attracted to her. But she didn't want her, she only wanted Piper, she couldn't stop thinking about the blonde. She wanted to go home right now, even though she still enjoyed the rush from work, none of it compared to being with Piper.

Alex looked back towards Naya, she wanted to know what drugs Alex had, but it wasn't much. All she had left was some pills and obviously heroin, she always had heroin. Naya took Alex's silence to mean she didn't have much, and reached into her handbag to pull out her own supply, it looked like cocaine.

"You know Alex, most people with a job like yours tend to be a little more organised in that department."

"Yeah well, I've never been a big user, not like most of us."

Naya didn't respond, and Alex watched as she mixed together her cocaine and some of Alex's heroin, she didn't like where this was going.

"Look Naya, why don't we go out or something, my treat."

"Not yet, let's do this first, then we go out."

Alex hadn't done a speedball in a long time, and she was worried about where this night would end if Naya had her way. Naya turned to face Alex and held her fingers to her lips, telling Alex to be quiet. She continued to meticulously prepare two needles, one for each of them, with a dangerous combination of heroin and cocaine.

Alex could tell the other woman wasn't about to take no for an answer, so she tried to lighten the mood.

"Seriously, I never even understood the point of this mix. I take my uppers when I need a kick, and my downers when I've had enough of life. I don't fucking mix them together."

"I promise you, you'll enjoy it, especially the way I do it."

Alex got off the bed and stood up, she'd never been nervous about taking drugs, but she was nervous now. She tried to turn on the charm, she suddenly felt like she needed to get them out of the hotel room. She went up behind Naya and wrapped her arms around her waist, pressing her mouth against her neck as she spoke, "Come on Naya, let me take you out."

"You will take me out, as soon as we do this. I opened up the deal of a lifetime for you Alex, the least you can do is humour me."

Alex felt like that was more of a threat than anything else, and took the needle Naya was offering her. She'd done her fair share of drugs in her lifetime, but she hadn't used heavily for a long time. She had a particularly rough patch of recklessness in her late teens, not with heroin, but she used a lot of cocaine. Diane never knew the full extent of it, but she knew enough. Alex wanted to forget about that part of her life, it was driven by guilt, and she didn't want to end up back there. But she did feel guilty now for leaving Piper back home. She tried to shake off those thoughts, she was moving onto a different part of Bali the next day anyway. After tonight she wouldn't need to deal with Naya anymore. She was meeting with Fahri tomorrow, she'd be with him for the next week before she'd be on her own again. She was grateful that he'd be with her, to be with someone that actually cared about her.

She sat back down on the bed, trying to find a vein, she couldn't be bothered using the rubber band this time. She eventually found one, hesitating for a moment before she pushed the drugs into her body.

"Holy shit."

Alex let her body collapse back on the bed, she felt completely euphoric, like she could do anything in that moment. Naya collapsed on the bed next to her, "Don't tell me you're enjoying it?"

Alex laughed, rolling onto her side, "Of course not, I'm just being polite."

The two women laughed together until Naya moved her body on top of Alex's, straddling her lap. Alex tried to focus despite the drugs clouding every part of her judgement, she couldn't do this to Piper.

"I can't…."

Naya started to slowly grind her hips against Alex, "Why?"

"Because I'm in love with someone else."

But Naya didn't stop, she just moved her body with more purpose, "Love is just an illusion Alex."

"No….no…" Alex tried to keep speaking, but she was starting to slur her words, she could practically feel the drugs fighting it out in her bloodstream. "I love her. I….I'd do anything for her."

"But why do you love her?"

Alex didn't even have to think about her answer, "She just makes everything better….makes me better…"

Finally, Naya stopped her movements and lay down next to Alex, kissing her on the cheek, ending everything very abruptly.

"Well, maybe another time then, another place. I'll see you again Alex."

Naya bent down and kissed Alex on the lips before leaving the hotel room. Alex slumped back on the bed, she was relieved to be finally alone, but she was also sad. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She just wanted to feel something, she didn't care if it was good or bad.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The hours, days and weeks started to blur together for Alex. She worked non-stop and things had gone well, she would be able to keep her promise to Kubra, his drops would be doubled once this trip was done. Fahri had come and gone, and she was on her own again. She'd been gone for 6 long weeks, she felt so drained. She was so close to going home, it was all she could focus on. She made herself a coffee and dialled Diane's number, no matter what was happening she always called home every day. She always looked forward to hearing her mum's voice, but this time she sounded drained.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi mum, is everything okay?"

She heard a tired sigh come through the phone and her heart started racing, it sounded like Diane had been crying.

"Mum what's going on, is everything okay?"

"She lost the baby Alex."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper had no idea how she got through the last 6 weeks, her emotions had been so all over the place, it was driving her crazy. Some days she was still angry at Alex for not being there with her, but she never stopped missing her or loving her.

She ended up relying the most on Diane, the older woman helped her through all the morning sickness and hospital visits. She almost started to think of her as her own mother, she was amazing. It was time for another weekly scan, and as usual, Diane drove Piper to the hospital.

The two women sat in the examination room as the doctor started the scan. Piper reached out and grabbed Diane's hand, she did the same thing each week and the two women had grown very close in Alex's absence.

The appointment had been very normal up until that point, all the usual questions about how Piper was feeling, was she sleeping, was she eating well. But everything changed once the physical examination started. The chatter stopped and the air in the room changed, the doctor's face changed. He stepped aside and exchanged silent words with Diane before the two came back towards Piper. That's it, she knew exactly what they were about to say, she'd seen it all before, that look of pity people carried in their eyes. But this time was different, because Alex wasn't there with her, and it broke her heart.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex couldn't remember much from the last 24 hours, all that mattered was getting home. As soon as she heard those words come from Diane's mouth she dropped the phone and ran. She packed her things and went straight to the airport, she needed to get back home. She told Fahri, so she knew it was likely that Kubra would know she'd left Bali early. Even though she'd kept her word and doubled his business, it would still make him angry, no matter what her reasons were.

It felt like it took forever for her to get back to the states, but she didn't take any drugs on the flight. She needed her mind to be clear. Finally, she stepped off her final flight and grabbed her baggage. She started jogging towards the cab rank, but she stopped as soon as she saw Aiden standing near the airport exit. By the time she was standing next to him, he indicated for her to follow him to his car, and she knew exactly where he was taking her.

Two hours later she was sitting in a hotel room with Aiden and Kubra. Except this time there were 2 other people there, a man and woman she didn't recognise. Alex started speaking as soon as Kubra sat down in front of her.

"I kept my promise, I doubled your drops. All the details you need are here." She handed him a usb, which he eventually took.

"That's good, but I keep wondering why the fuck you're here, when you've still got 2 weeks left in Indonesia. You were doing well Alex, you could've gotten a lot more drops organised if you'd stayed like you were meant to. Instead, I find out you're here, and I'm not fucking impressed."

Alex didn't say anything, it was useless.

"What the fuck are you doing here Alex?"

She couldn't tell him why she was home, it would only make things worse.

"I held up my end of the deal, I doubled your drops, I just handed you a breakdown of everything I've done in the last 6 weeks. So now I'm here."

Kubra stood up and stood over Alex while Aiden held her to the chair, "You were there to make up for your behaviour, and you were meant to be there for 2 months. You don't get to make the rules Alex, I thought you knew that by now."

"I fucking got you all the extra drops, what does it fucking matter if I'm home 2 weeks early!"

"Because you need to learn to do what you're told Alex!"

Alex braced herself in the chair, she knew he wasn't about to let her just walk out of here.

"Now, don't think I'm not grateful, you've done some very impressive work, and I will honour my part of the deal. But you'd better learn your place Alex, I don't care how fucking good you think you are."

Kubra turned his focus to Aiden before he left, "Don't put her in the fucking hospital, I won't be happy if I find out you went too far. And nothing on the fucking face, she needs to looks clean." He then turned and left the room, now Alex was alone with Aiden and the 2 others she didn't know. She was scared but tried to not think about it. All she kept thinking about was that as soon as this was over, she could go home to Piper. She didn't bother fighting back as Aiden pulled her up and motioned for the woman to join him, with each of them taking a hold of Alex's arms and forcing her to stand. She struggled against their grip but they just held on tighter. She knew there was no escaping, they all had guns and she had nothing. Even though the last 6 weeks had been tough, it had been worth it. She'd managed to buy herself some independence, which was more than someone like Aiden would ever be able to do.

Aiden and the woman held her up while the other man stood in front of them, she knew what was coming but held his gaze. Just before the unknown man could swing his fist into Alex's side, someone else walked into the room, it was Fahri. He said nothing, and sat on one of the beds while he watched them. Alex was stunned, she had no idea why he was here.

"What the fuck are you doing here? You told him I came back early!"

Fahri couldn't even bring himself to look Alex in the eye, "I'm here to make sure this doesn't get out of hand, then I'm taking you home."

Alex didn't have time to think as the stranger in front of her threw his fist into her side as hard as he could. Alex was determined that she wouldn't cry out, but she couldn't stop her legs giving way. She felt herself being pulled up by the arms, forcing her to stand. The stranger kept hitting her in the stomach and side, and Alex felt like she couldn't even breathe anymore. Eventually she couldn't stand anymore, and was held up solely by Aiden and the woman.

Finally, Fahri put an end to it, "Okay that's enough! Let her go and get out of here."

Aiden and the woman let go of Alex's arms and she dropped to the floor in a heap. All 3 of them left the room, leaving Alex and Fahri alone.

Fahri knelt down next to Alex and tried to help her up, but she pushed him away, "Just fuck off you asshole!"

"Just let me help you, you don't need to sit there and pretend like it doesn't fucking hurt!"

Alex was trying to catch her breath but she couldn't stop coughing. She felt betrayed by Fahri, and had no interest in his sympathy. She kept ignoring him and managed to sit up on her own. She sat there, leaning against the wall and clutching her side.

Fahri spoke again, but this time Alex could hear the emotion in his voice, "I'm sorry Alex, I'm sorry. If I didn't tell Kubra now then someone else would have, and that would've been a lot fucking worse. I did this to protect you, it's like you're determined to make your life fucking impossible! What the fuck were you thinking anyway?"

Alex couldn't hold back her emotion anymore and let herself cry. In that moment she felt like she was crying for everything bad that had ever happened.

"Hey come on, tell me what's going on Alex." Fahri put an arm around Alex and tried to comfort her. She knew he was probably right, that she would've been worse off if he hadn't told Kubra she was back early, but she was still angry at him. But she eventually let him comfort her and try to reassure her, she felt like she needed to get it out of her system now. When she got home she needed to focus on supporting Piper, nothing else.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 **A/N**

 **Hello. Just a quick note – the italics at the end of this chapter is where the story circles back to the start of Chapter 1. Thanks again for the support on this story.**

 **Cheers.**

 _I fake it so real I am beyond fake_

 _Someday you will ache like I ache_

Alex let Fahri take her back to his apartment, he wanted to make sure she was okay, but she refused to go to the hospital. She could only walk by leaning heavily on him, she was in a lot more pain now that she was after her first encounter with Jack. She kept reminding herself that she'd experienced so much worse in the past, that she could push through it.

"I'll take you to Piper's house once we're done here."

Alex stayed on his couch while he went to his bedroom, coming back with a long bandage and a small bag of pills.

"Take these for the pain, don't go overboard."

Alex stuffed the pills into her pocket, and Fahri indicated for her to lie down on the couch. She was still angry at him but tried to keep control of her emotions. She lay back on the couch and he lifted her top to get a look at the damage.

"Just let me feel around, see if there's any obvious breaks."

Alex grit her teeth and felt his cold hands pressing up her torso.

"Sorry Alex, I know it hurts." He couldn't find any obvious signs of a serious break, and stopped to let Alex rest.

"Are you okay?"

She just nodded, trying to ignore the pain. Fahri got her a glass of water and she took two of the pills he'd given her.

"Come on, stand up and I'll put on the bandage, it'll help."

Alex did as he asked, but her pain was the least of her concerns. Every part of her body felt tense as she thought about Piper. Every one of those thoughts hurt, they made every movement and every breath hurt even more. Alex felt helpless, she had no idea how to help Piper through this. But the worst part, the part that made her feel like a horrible person, was that she was almost relieved. She knew how much Piper wanted a child of her own, but neither of them were ready to be parents, not now. Alex was still tangled up in the cartel, and Piper was still fighting her demons. She would never let herself admit it to anyone, but she couldn't stop her mind from wandering to those thoughts.

Alex finally stood up and let Fahri wrap the bandage around her, and every moment of it hurt. As soon as he was done, Alex pulled her top back down and pulled Fahri towards the door, she needed to see Piper.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Fahri drove Alex to Piper's house, they sat in silence for most of it. Alex wasn't ready to talk to him properly. She didn't say anything when she got out of the car, she didn't care if he was upset. She knocked on the front door, hoping Piper would answer. She waited a few moments and eventually she saw Nicky on the other side of the door.

"What, you're finally fucking here? You left her at the worst possible time, and now you wanna just walk back in. She's too fucking good for you Vause, and so is Diane."

Those words made Alex feel worthless. She couldn't even get angry about any of it, it was all true. Nicky stood her ground and blocked the door, she did not want Alex stepping foot in that house. She was about to slam the door shut when Alex saw Piper walking down the stairs behind Nicky. The blonde's face crumbled and she ran to the front door, pushing past Nicky and throwing her arms around Alex's neck and burying her face in her long dark hair.

Alex held onto Piper tightly, she couldn't bring herself to say anything, not yet. She could feel the desperation in every touch from her girlfriend, "Please…I need you to stay this time."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here Pipes."

Piper couldn't bring herself to let go of Alex, the familiar smell of her hair and the feel of her touch was the closest she had gotten to any sort of comfort since it happened.

Nicky walked away, leaving the two women still hugging on the porch. Alex pulled back so she could look at Piper properly. She looked lost, like she might never find her way back from wherever her mind had gone. She led Piper back into the house, closing the front door behind her. Alex started leading them towards the main bedroom, but Piper pulled them away.

"No, I can't stay in there, I've been staying in the guest room."

Alex followed Piper into the other room and closed the door behind them. They both sat on the double bed and Alex pulled Piper in close to her. "Tell me what happened?"

Piper kept her eyes on the ground, every word she spoke was strained, "There was no heartbeat….and that was it. It was the same problem all over again, the injections didn't work….But Diane was with me, she stayed with me."

Alex pulled Piper in closer and kissed her temple, "What can I do?"

"Nothing…..just stay with me."

Even though things had gone well in Bali, Alex still wanted Piper to stay at her own house for a while, just in case anything else happened.

"Things went well okay, I don't need to travel anymore. I'm gonna stay with you, then in a few weeks we can go back to the apartment, we can start again. My mum called me, I got on a plane as soon I could."

The two women kept sitting on the bed with their arms around each other, until Piper said something that made Alex's heart race.

"I'm so fucking lost Al, I don't know how to deal with this. I….I have some money….I need something Al, please."

Piper was speaking through tears by the time she finished, and Alex didn't know what to do.

"Pipes….I'm not gonna pretend to know how you feel, but maybe we both need to try and stop….I'm worried about you."

"Please Alex…please…."

Alex had never heard that kind of desperation in Piper's voice, and it hurt. She hugged her girlfriend tighter, but didn't say anything.

"Al….."

Alex couldn't take it anymore, she pulled the pills from Fahri out from her pocket, followed by a small bag of heroin that Fahri had also given her. Alex pulled out her tin case from her jacket pocket and started going through the same process as so many times before.

"What are the pills?"

"Just pain meds."

"….Are you okay?"

Alex leaned over and kissed Piper on the lips, "Of course. Fahri picked me up from the airport, he gave them to me."

Piper didn't fully believe Alex's story but didn't have the energy to question her about it further. She was just desperate to escape her own pain.

"What about Nicky?"

"She won't say anything, just tell her I'm sleeping. It's so stupid, it's been so long since I've slept properly. I hate sleeping without you, please don't go anywhere."

Alex kissed Piper again, after 6 of travel she couldn't pull herself away, it was never enough. She picked up the needle and took Piper's arm, she ran her fingers over the skin, and she hated herself for what she was about to do. She took her time, but eventually inserted the needle into Piper's arm and injected the drugs. She needed to find a way to stop her before things got out of control. She made sure to put everything away in Piper's bed side table, she didn't want Nicky finding out.

Piper lay back down on the bed, kicking off her shoes. She grabbed hold of Alex's arm and pulled her back with her. "Please hold me."

Alex crawled up behind Piper and pulled her in as close as she could. It had been a long time since she'd let herself relax, she'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Alex underestimated how tired she actually was, she slept next to Piper all afternoon, she couldn't bring herself to wake up. She had no idea how many hours had passed when Diane walked into the room. She felt a weight sit next to her on the bed and Diane's familiar touch on her arm, "Hey baby."

Alex opened her eyes slowly until she saw Diane's face and she was overwhelmed with pure relief. Alex went to sit up so she could talk to Diane, but the pills she'd taken at Fahri's apartment had completely worn off. She felt like her side was on fire and she reached for the pills that were still lying next to her on the bed.

"What's going on Alex?"

Alex forced herself to get up and sit next to Diane on the bed. She didn't care how much pain she was in, she'd caused Diane enough worry to last a life time.

"Nothing, I promise. I'm just kinda stiff after the flight. Fuck I missed you." She hugged Diane and pressed her face into the older woman's hair. She needed to feel safe again.

"Piper's still sleeping, let's go downstairs and talk."

Alex got up very slowly and followed Diane downstairs, she wanted Piper to sleep for as long as possible, even if heroin was the only reason she could sleep. Alex walked into the lounge room while Diane went to make them coffee. Nicky was sitting on the couch reading, a look of anger spread across her face as soon as she saw Alex, and she put her book down.

"I don't give a shit if Piper welcomes you back with open arms, if she can just look the other way while you do whatever the fuck you want. You're a fucking asshole, you should've been here."

Alex knew she had no right to get angry at Nicky after all the mistakes she'd made, but she was so tired of the red head constantly talking down to her. Alex felt like she had more than proved what she was willing to do for Piper, regardless of the mistakes she'd made. But Nicky always ended up thinking Alex was in the wrong, and she'd lost any last shred of patience she had left.

"You know what? Fuck you Nicky! All you ever fucking do is go on about how much of an asshole I am, and I'm fucking over it! I would do anything for Piper, anything! You have no fucking clue why I had to leave, you make it sound like I went and had a fucking holiday. It was a nightmare okay! Why do you have such a fucking problem with me?"

Nicky walked over to Alex and her anger continued to grow, "Because I am the one she should be coming to for help, not you! I'm the one that won't let her down, I'm the one that's been there from the start! You just fucking left her for over a month at the worst possible time! How the fuck can you do that and then just show up again like nothing ever happened?"

Alex took a deep breath, she was determined to stay calm, "You don't know the full story, I didn't want to leave, I didn't have a choice!"

"Hey, I've got no doubt that your bosses might not have given you much choice, but you know what Alex, that's not fucking good enough. Because Piper deserves a normal fucking life, after everything she's been through, she doesn't deserve to end up with a fucking drug dealer."

Alex didn't know what to say, it was all true. She was a drug dealer, she didn't have full control over her life, and Piper did deserve to have a normal life. But none of that stopped them from loving each other, it was impossible. She still didn't appreciate the way Nicky was speaking to her, like she was a piece of dirt. People had spoken to her like that for her whole life, and Alex knew she deserved better. She spoke again, but this time she sounded almost defeated.

"Fuck you Nicky, just leave me alone."

Alex went to push past Nicky so she could sit on the couch, but Nicky exploded with anger and pushed Alex hard up against the closest wall. Alex didn't have any chance to brace herself for the impact and felt the sharp pain run through her stomach and chest. The pills hadn't kicked in yet and there was no hiding the pain anymore as Alex clutched her stomach. This felt like a new low for her, she was always hurt, always the one that needed help. Maybe she needed protecting more than Piper ever did.

Diane had walked into the lounge with their coffees just as Nicky pushed Alex.

"What the hell is going on here? I can hear you two shouting from the fucking kitchen. That poor girl is finally asleep, keep your fucking voices down."

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Diane looked to Nicky, who just looked frustrated and sad. She knew how much Piper meant to Nicky, but she didn't like the way Nicky was treating her daughter. She watched Alex move to the couch to sit down, she looked so uncomfortable, and Diane could tell she was hiding something. But she wanted to say something to Nicky before she tried to get the truth out of Alex.

"Please Nicky, I know Alex isn't perfect, but she's trying. Everything she's done has been for Piper, even if it doesn't always seem that way."

Nicky just stood in the corner of the room, she couldn't bring herself to say anything back to Diane. She genuinely liked Diane, she seemed like a good person, and she'd done so much to help Piper. But she still felt anger towards Alex, maybe it was jealousy, she didn't want to think about it. Maybe she just didn't trust anyone else to take care of Piper, maybe it's because she wasn't close to her own family. Whatever her reasons, she didn't want to take her frustrations out on Diane.

"I'm sorry Diane."

Diane accepted Nicky's apology and sat on the couch next to Alex, putting an arm around her.

"Are you okay baby? It's so good to see you again."

Diane felt Alex relax and lean into her, which was a huge relief. It was rare for Alex to let her guard down. Whenever she did, Diane felt more like a mother again, like she could actually help her daughter.

"I'm just tired. But it was worth it, no more travelling."

"That's great Alex, I was worried about you being over there on your own."

"I know….But look, life can go back to normal now."

There were a few moments of silence before Alex spoke again.

"How's she been?"

Alex could see Nicky crossing her arms over her chest and bite her bottom lip, she was surprised when the red head spoke up.

"She hasn't been good, but I think she'll be better now that you're home."

Alex felt Diane squeeze her shoulder, trying to comfort her, "When's the last time you ate anything?"

Alex wasn't even sure she could stomach food at the moment, she just wanted to go back to sleep. She felt so sore, but it had almost been a constant state over the last few months, she was getting better at hiding it.

"I'm not hungry right now."

Diane kissed Alex on the cheek, she was so relieved she was home, "Don't shut me okay. I'm gonna head back home, but I'll check in tomorrow after work."

Alex and Nicky said their goodbyes to Diane, and once again they were alone in the lounge room.

"I'm sorry okay, I know you love her. But fuck, none of this is fair."

Fair, the word itself sounded so foreign to Alex, it wasn't something she ever thought about or expected from her life.

"Just forget about it Nicky."

Alex didn't want to talk about it anymore, all she cared about was sleep. She walked back upstairs so she could get back into bed with Piper.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The next month felt like a dream to Alex, and not only because of her drug use. Some days Piper seemed okay, but others were painful. Piper just kept offering her money for more heroin, and it was getting harder and harder to say no to her. Alex made her promise to never inject without her, but she still knew their use was spiralling out of control. She made sure Piper didn't do it every day, trying to offer up alternatives when she was desperate. But no amount of Valium or Xanax seemed to help, at least not in the way Piper wanted.

Alex and Nicky kept trying to convince Piper to go back to the hospital therapist, but she kept pushing it back. She was barely leaving the house, she still hadn't even moved back into Alex's apartment. Alex kept staying at Piper's house every night, she was too afraid to leave her alone, just in case things ever got out of hand.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

Piper lay in what had become her bed in the guest bedroom, looking out the window. She could see the sun shining through, it looked so tempting. Part of her wanted to reach out and touch it, maybe even go outside, but then she'd always change her mind. She'd realise that would mean exposing herself to the outside world, but she still couldn't face it. She hated the pitiful looks everyone would give her, as though they were all waiting for her to break down in tears. She hated it, no one believed she was strong, not anymore. So much had happened in the last 7 months since she'd met Alex, her life had completely changed.

Piper realised she'd never actually stopped to take the time to think about all these changes, to think about how she ended up here. She couldn't even really be bothered anymore, what did it matter? She was here now, there was no escaping it. She tried not to think about the baby she lost, the future life with Alex that she had lost. She was angry at herself for thinking that far ahead, planning out their family life in her own mind when it was still so far away. And now here she was again, no baby, and never getting any closer to achieving that dream.

Alex's presence was one of the few things that still felt good. She knew how frustrated and worried Alex was getting with her heroin use, but she couldn't help it. She was so scared of where her mind would go without it, it just wasn't an option.

She didn't want to die, she would never give Jack the satisfaction of knowing that life had defeated her. But at the same time, she didn't know how to pull herself together. It had been so long since she'd felt normal, she wasn't sure she remembered how to get back there.

Piper also felt guilty about the worry she was causing Alex. They'd had a massive argument that morning, Alex kept refusing to give Piper any more heroin for the rest of the week, and it just exploded into a flurry of emotions. It was one of the few times that Piper had gotten so angry at Alex that she'd yelled at her, telling her to leave the house. But she never wanted Alex to leave, she loved her. Right now, Alex was the only thing holding her life together.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

 _Alex was banging on the door of Piper's house, she knew the blonde was in there. Everything had gotten fucked up so quickly, and Alex had no idea how to fix things. In that moment, all she knew was that she needed to see Piper, she needed to make sure she was okay. After five minutes of knocking on the door, Alex turned the knob and was surprised to discover the door was unlocked. This just made her panic more, Piper never just left her front door unlocked, not unless something was really wrong._

 _Alex burst into the house with desperation and began searching every room. She eventually opened the bathroom door, and found what she was looking for. It was Piper, sitting on the floor next to the bathtub, with a small vile of white powder sitting next to her, the same white powder that Alex had been selling to her for over six months. Piper didn't even seem to register Alex's presence, it was a miracle she could still breathe on her own._

 _Alex was scared, and knelt down in front of Piper, taking the blonde's face in her hands, "Pipes, can you hear me?" All Alex got in reply was a faint groan, which she felt was better than nothing._

 _"I'm not going anywhere okay, I'm gonna look after you."_

 _Piper managed to open her eyes as Alex kept gently stroking her cheeks, "What?"_

 _"You've taken too much Pipes, I'll take care of you."_

 _"I'm so tired Alex."_

 _"I know Pipes, I know. But I can't let you go to sleep just yet, you gotta stay with me for a bit okay?" Alex looked at Piper in desperation, trying to will her to stay awake. "Please Pipes, please try to stay awake."_

 _Alex wasn't sure what to do, Piper became so depressed when she found out about the baby, and she started relying on heroin to get through the day. Deep down Alex felt responsible for what she saw in front of her right now. She had known Piper was struggling, but she never stopped selling her the drugs._


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

 **A/N**

 **Hello again, apologies for the delay! Life has gotten the better of me the last few weeks, but I promise I always finish my stories. Let me know what you think of this chapter and how things are piecing together. This one is coming to a close, there aren't too many chapters left. So I'm keen to hear if you think there's anything that has been missing so far, anything you think needs to be addressed before the story ends?**

 **Cheers.**

 _And if you cut yourself_

 _You will think you're happy_

Alex sat next to Piper's hospital bed, trying to focus on the positives. She'd found Piper soon after the overdose and gotten her in the car and to the hospital immediately. Piper hadn't injected the drugs, but had instead been steadily inhaling the heroin over the course of the day. Overall, the doctors kept telling Alex it was lucky she found Piper when she did, otherwise the damage could've been much worse. Alex had taken her to the same hospital she'd been in after the attack, the same hospital she had been going to for all her pregnancy scans. The doctors knew Piper and Alex, and seemed to express genuine concern for the blonde.

The doctors in the emergency room had moved fast to get the various medicines into Piper to stop her body absorbing the heroin, as well as getting fluids into her to combat how dehydrated the heroin had made her. The main doctor told Alex that Piper was stable, but he was concerned about next steps for the blonde. While the nurses took Piper to her hospital room to settle in, the doctor pulled Alex into his office to talk.

"I know how tough the last few months have been for you two, Piper is obviously struggling to cope. It's my responsibility to talk to you about her treatment going forward, I don't want to just send her home when she's recovered from the overdose. She needs proper treatment Alex."

Alex knew where this conversation was heading, it was about money.

"Look, I can pay for it, just tell me what she needs."

"I want her to stay here to detox properly, it won't be pretty if that happens at home. We can give her medication to help with the detox symptoms. It will be a lot easier for her if we do it here, we have a good program we can put her in. Once she's detoxed, we can start therapy."

Alex had seen people detox before, she knew how hard it was. Not only for the person detoxing, but for anyone around them. She didn't care how much it would cost, detoxing would be a lot easier in the hospital. She kept talking to the doctor as he explained the process, and she gave him her details for all the billing.

She sat next to Piper's hospital bed all afternoon, she would not leave that room until the blonde woke up. She'd only just gotten around to calling anyone, Diane was on her way to the hospital but she couldn't get through to Nicky. She already hated Alex so much, this would probably tip her over the edge. Alex watched on as Piper slept, she wasn't sure how to feel. Part of her felt completely responsible for Piper's drug use, but another part didn't. If Alex didn't give her the drugs, she would've just gotten them from somewhere else. That somewhere else probably wouldn't have been safe, and Piper wouldn't have had any idea if the product she was buying was any good, or if it was going to kill her. Alex felt like at least if she gave Piper the drugs, she could control the amount and knew she wasn't getting bad product. But Piper still ended up here, so it obviously wasn't enough.

Piper started to stir, and Alex immediately jumped out of her chair and leaned over the hospital bed, gently running her fingers over Piper's cheeks.

"Hey Pipes." Alex saw the blonde open her eyes and look up at her, Alex smiled out of sheer relief and bent over to kiss Piper gently on the lips. She knew what it felt like to be in this situation, and she didn't want to scare her girlfriend. It was easy to feel stupid in this situation, and it was an easy downward spiral from there.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Alex could see that Piper was desperately trying to work out how she ended up in the hospital, but she looked confused.

"I just…..I just wanted to sleep…"

Alex kept stoking Piper's cheek to try and comfort her, she was getting more upset as she slowly realised what had happened.

"Shhh, it's okay babe, I know you didn't do it on purpose."

Piper started to cry, she needed Alex to understand.

"I promise it was an accident Al, I wasn't trying to…..I never….I could never leave you like that."

"I know Pipes, it's okay, I know it was an accident. All I care about right now is that you're okay."

Piper tried to regain composure, she was so sick of falling apart.

"I wanna go home Al…."

Alex knew Piper wouldn't like what she was about to hear, but this was the best way to deal with the situation.

"I want you home too, but not yet. The doctor spoke to me after I brought you in, he wants you to stay here to detox. Especially after everything that you've been through."

As Alex expected, this just made Piper more upset, and her voice kept cracking.

"No Al…..please don't make me stay here alone."

"You won't be alone Pipes, I'll stay right here the whole time. Trust me, it's gonna be a lot better for you to do this here. They can look after you properly, give you medicine to help. I've seen people do this on their own, and it almost never ends well."

Alex didn't mention the therapy yet, she didn't want to tip the blonde over the edge.

"I can't afford any more hospital bills."

"Well I can, it's already organised."

"I can never pay you back…"

"I don't give a shit about the money Pipes, all I care about is you getting better. Look, money is not an issue okay. Less than two weeks and you'll be home, our home, not that fucking house. I'll help you sell the house, fucking sell everything in it. We'll make the apartment _ours_ , you can redecorate however you want."

Alex was happy to see a small smile spread across Piper's lips. She wanted her to focus on the future, she wanted her to focus on the fact that she _had_ a future. Alex couldn't imagine her future without Piper, she needed her to pull through this.

Just as Alex leaned in to kiss Piper again she heard someone else come into the room, it was Diane.

"Sweetie are you okay?"

Alex watched as Diane rushed over to the hospital bed and wrapped Piper in a hug, kissing her on the cheek.

"I promise I'm okay. I'm really sorry Diane." Piper felt like she was causing Diane so much extra drama in her life, but the older woman wouldn't hear a word of it.

"No fucking way, no apologies. I came as soon as I could, I'm so glad that you're gonna be okay kid. Don't you fucking dare scare me like that again."

Piper just nodded and kept holding onto Diane, her presence felt so good, so reassuring. It had been over 2 years since Piper had spoken to her own mother, but now she was starting to think of Diane as a mother figure. Maybe that was all she needed.

Diane finished her hug with Piper before turning to hug Alex.

"Are you okay baby?"

Alex nodded and kept holding on Diane, she didn't want the older woman to leave. Alex eventually let go of Diane, letting her sit next to Piper. Alex needed a coffee and headed to the cafeteria, she felt better knowing that Diane was with Piper, that her girlfriend didn't have to lie in the bed alone if she wasn't there.

Alex walked down the hospital corridor in a daze, until she saw a familiar site in Nicky, the hospital staff must have finally gotten her on the phone. Alex prepared herself for an attack from Nicky, knowing that Alex had been the one to introduce Piper to the world of heroin. But Alex saw the shorter woman slow as she approached, she looked exhausted and completely stopped when Alex was standing in front of her. Alex waited until Nicky finally spoke, but her voice was low.

"How's she doing?"

"Okay, considering. She'll probably be here for a week, get it out of her system."

Nicky scoffed, "And I guess you're paying for it all, right?"

Alex just stared at Nicky, she didn't have the energy to fight. She knew this was all her fault, she knew that if Piper had never met her this wouldn't have happened. She didn't need Nicky to remind her of all that.

"She got his number from me, you know?"

"What?"

"Fahri, I bought from his in the past, Piper knew his name because of me. She got his number from my phone."

Alex knew the look on Nicky's face, it was guilt. She didn't know Nicky used to buy from Fahri, but it wasn't overly surprising. They were one of the major suppliers in the city, most people bought from them. But still, she was surprised to see Nicky feeling guilty about Piper's overdose, especially after how much anger she had thrown towards Alex. Alex remained silent, she could tell Nicky needed to keep talking.

"Piper ended up meeting you, because of me, and I don't know if that's been good or bad." Nicky stared at Alex for a moment longer before pushing past her and walking towards Piper's room.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

The next week nearly broke Alex, she could only imagine how it felt for Piper. Piper looked scared from the start, and Alex refused to leave the hospital, sleeping in Piper's hospital room every night. Alex had seen people detox before, but never someone she loved. The medical staff made sure Piper stayed hydrated and gave her medicine to help her sleep, but they could never mask all the symptoms. Alex felt helpless through it all, the fevers and nausea, and all the stomach pains and headaches. Alex kept cursing herself, how could she have not realised how much Piper was using? It was the worst she had ever felt.

Diane kept trying to convince Alex to sleep at home, but the brunette refused. She promised Piper she wouldn't go anywhere and she meant it. She slept in that hospital chair next to Piper's bed each night, she didn't care how uncomfortable she was, it was nothing compared to what Piper was feeling.

The worst of the physical withdrawals seemed to be over after 5 days, and Piper was more alert. Alex was relieved to see the blonde awake, but her heart constricted every time she saw her girlfriend in pain. The truth was that ever since her childhood, Alex had no idea how to cope when someone she loved was in pain, it had always lead to the same predictable pattern of anger and self-destruction. But she was trying to change all that, she didn't want to be that person anymore, even if the temptation to self-destruct was so tempting. Sometimes the thought of it seemed so beautiful and perfect, but she didn't want to be like that anymore.

She reached across and wiped the sweat from Piper's forehead. The fluids and medication were keeping her fever down, but she still felt so hot. At least she'd had a more restful sleep that morning. Alex kept running her fingers through the blonde hair, which was also damp with sweat. After a few moments, Piper woke up, and Alex loved seeing those blue eyes again.

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?"

Piper smiled, and Alex was so relieved to see it reach her eyes, she really must have been feeling better.

"I feel so much better, thank you for staying with me."

Alex leaned over and kissed her girlfriend on the mouth, slowly and gently running her tongue over Piper's lips. She sat back down in her chair and kept running her fingers through Piper's hair and stroking her cheek.

"Couple more days then I can take you home, I can't fucking wait."

Piper smiled again, and Alex couldn't get enough of it, kissing her again and then resting her head on Piper's chest.

"Fuck Pipes, I've missed you so fucking much."

Now it was Piper's turn to run her fingers through Alex's hair.

"I missed you too. The last month has been a blur, none of it felt real, I didn't feel real. I lost myself…I still feel lost."

"Once you feel better, you can think about the therapy program. Talk to people that have been through the same things. I just want you to be okay Pipes."

Piper kept running her fingers through Alex's hair, she wasn't ready to think about any of that. They both stayed silent, just enjoying the moment. Piper moved over in her hospital bed and motioned for Alex to lie with her. The brunette didn't hesitate, kicking off her boots and climbing into the bed. Piper placed her hands on Alex's cheeks and kissed her softly, before encouraging Alex to lay her head on Piper's chest again, she loved the way it felt.

"Tell me what you were like as a kid."

Alex laughed, "I was kind of an asshole, the type of person your parents would've told you to stay away from."

"I don't believe that for a second! You're a soft touch under it all." Piper couldn't stop herself from smiling and kissed the top of Alex's head.

"Hey, I was no soft touch, I was tough as they come." Alex paused for a moment, before she kept talking.

"I kept to myself mostly, I never fit in. And when I had the chance to fit in, I didn't want to, mum was all I needed to keep me grounded."

After everything they'd been through, Piper finally had the courage to ask a question that had eaten away at her for months.

"Sounds like things were tough for you guys, you've always felt like you needed to protect Diane?"

Piper felt Alex stiffen in her arms, "Pipes, this isn't about me, you've been through hell.."

Piper cut her off before she could finish, "It's not just about me Al, it's about us, and I want to know everything. You've helped me so much, let me help you."

This time she felt Alex take a deep breath before she spoke again, "Okay…."

"When you got out of the hospital, you got so upset that first night and said you couldn't protect either of us. What did you mean?"

"It means I couldn't protect you that night with Jack, and it means I couldn't protect my mum when I was growing up….She had some shitty boyfriends, but there was this one, he was by far the worst. She was with him for a couple years until I was 15."

Alex paused again, but Piper didn't say anything. She knew how hard it was to talk about painful memories, she wanted to give Alex all the time she needed.

"He treated her like shit, she started seeing him after my dad died, it messed with her head. He always hit her, I hated it. I'd always try to stop him, but she just got mad at me, told me to hide. I think by now you know I'm not the hiding type."

Another moment passed and Piper could feel the strain inside her girlfriend.

"I just couldn't fucking take it anymore, I couldn't just stand there and watch him hurt her."

Alex kept her head resting against Piper's chest, but she started to talk faster.

"I could hear them screaming at each other one night, but it just kept getting worse, I could hear glass breaking. We hardly had anything to start with, now he was breaking everything mum worked her ass off to buy for us. I got out of bed, they were in the kitchen, fucking glass everywhere, he'd beaten the shit out of her. She was on the floor, I've spent so much time trying to forget that picture, but I can't. He was standing there, he saw me, but he didn't give a shit. Diane was all I ever had, I couldn't just stand there and watch him hit her again. I grabbed the biggest fucking knife I could find in the drawer, just stared at him. Mum barely knew what was even going on, he'd hit her so hard. He saw me with the knife, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking."

Piper felt Alex's chest trembling, and she was worried, "You don't have to keep going baby."

But Alex seemed to ignore her, "I was scared, he was too fast….He ran towards me, I managed to cut his arm but he knocked the knife outta my hands, then he knocked me out. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, that's it…"

Piper felt horrible, "I'm so sorry Al."

"That night….when I saw Jack standing over you, it just brought it all back. All I could think was that I couldn't let it happen again, I just couldn't…."

Now Piper could feel Alex's tears hitting her chest. Piper's mind was racing back to all those times Alex had gotten so upset after she'd gotten out of hospital, and how Diane had told her about making bad decisions when Alex was younger.

Piper kept comforting Alex as she kept talking, "I couldn't stop myself, I had to try and protect you. I've never loved someone like I love you Piper, it scares me sometimes…..I tried to protect you but I fucked it all up. Then when I found out what he did to you, it fucking broke me. All I want to do is be with you Pipes, I want to look after you and help you get better. I want all of the bad shit to be over with, and just be with you."

Piper kept rubbing gentle circles on Alex's back, trying to hold back her own tears. It all made her feel even closer to Alex, if that was possible. And it made her admire Diane even more. It made her realise that life did get better. Even when you felt like you were dying inside, life went on.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

 ** _Don't let them bring you down_**

 ** _And don't let them fuck you around 'cause_**

 ** _Those are your arms, that is your heart_**

 ** _They can't tear you apart, they can't take it away_**

Another few days and Piper was finally home, Alex vowed that it was the last hospital trip they would have for a long time. When Alex first brought Piper home, time moved more slowly as they both tried to re-adjust to life. But this time Alex really believed they had a shot at a normal life, she couldn't see any more obvious barriers in the way. She knew her job would always have the potential to cause issues, but not right now, not after how much money she'd made for Kubra in Indonesia. She was happy to keep organising drops in the US, and she'd deal with any other problems as they happened. Deep down, Alex knew she would probably never be able to totally extract herself from the cartel, not unless they all got arrested or Kubra was killed, and she didn't want to think about that. She could live with it for now, and at least she knew that Fahri would always have her back. They hadn't spoken much since Alex got back from Bali, just the usual meetings to organise drops or talk about other business. She knew he was trying to give her space, to give her the opportunity to feel like she had a normal life, and Alex appreciated it.

For those first few slow weeks back at home, Alex spent all her time with Piper, she was almost afraid to leave her alone. It would take a while for that fear to subside for Alex, maybe it would never go away. The biggest thing for Alex in those first few weeks was convincing Piper to join the hospital's therapy program.

"I'm scared Al…"

They were having dinner in the kitchen, and Piper was finally starting to open up about the whole therapy issue.

"It's like, I'd be exposing myself, all the bad things, to people I don't even know."

Alex reached across the table and gently held onto Piper's hand, "They're not bad things Pipes, don't think of it like that. I know it hurt you more than I'll ever understand, losing the baby…..You'd be talking to people that have been through the same thing. And the heroin….."

Piper looked back at Alex with nothing but honesty in her eyes, "What about the heroin? What about you and the heroin? Neither of us have used since I got out of the hospital, but…..I still want to sometimes….."

Alex responded in the quietest voice, "Me too…."

Alex had wanted to use heroin so many times, but she always stopped herself. She started making sure she never kept any in the apartment, it would be too tempting. Even though she knew she could get it any time she wanted, she wanted Piper more.

Piper spoke again, noticing her girlfriend's mind drifting off into space, "Come with me."

"What?"

"To the narcotics meetings, come with me." All Piper could hear in her head was Diane's voice telling her it was about both of them now. Alex might not have used as heavily as Piper in the last few months, but she still needed help.

Piper became worried when Alex stayed silent for so long, she wasn't sure what to say. She was relieved when Alex seemed to finally snap back to reality.

"I just never really thought I'd be in this situation….I never saw myself as a drug addict, fuck…"

Piper got up out of her chair and walked around to Alex's side of the table, hugging her and feeling Alex hug her back as she leaned her head against Piper's stomach.

"We have to try Al…."

Piper felt Alex press her face further into her stomach, as though she was trying to lose herself in Piper's body, but she eventually spoke.

"Okay, I will…."

Alex stood up and kissed Piper, running her hands up and down the blonde's body, tracing her fingertips up and down her sides and hips, committing it all to memory as she did every day. She couldn't stop herself from kissing the woman in front of her, it took her to another place, made her feels things she didn't know how to describe. She slowly moved her lips from Piper's mouth and trailed kisses down her jaw line and neck, eventually nuzzling her face in amongst Piper's hair as she exhaled.

"Okay, enough with the sappy shit, I promised you could redecorate this place. You can plan your heart out tonight, then tomorrow I'm taking you shopping. We'll meet Diane for lunch, and then you can both spend the afternoon torturing me with curtain designs and paint samples."

Alex pulled Piper into another kiss, feeling the blonde's lips tug into a smile. She was pretty sure this was what life was meant to feel like.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0**

 **6 Months Later**

It was Diane's birthday and they were all enjoying themselves at Alex and Piper's apartment. Piper insisted on cooking a feast for them all, while Nicky poured herself and Diane some red wine. Alex was changing the music to something on her own ipod, after spending the whole day listening to Piper's selections. Diane never liked to make a big deal out of her birthdays, but with everything they had all been through, it felt like they could all use a celebration. Alex joined Diane and Nicky in the lounge room, wrapping an arm around her mother.

Diane smiled at Alex's show of affection and kissed her on the cheek, "I'm proud of you baby." She accepted Alex's smile in return, knowing her daughter didn't want to get emotional in front of Nicky. But Diane meant every word, she was proud of Alex, nothing else mattered.

Things had even calmed down between Alex and Nicky. The shorter woman would always be protective of her best friend, but she couldn't deny that she'd never seen Piper more happy than when she was with Alex. She'd had plenty of conversations with Alex about not hurting Piper, about not letting the cartel ruin her life, but she didn't feel the need to do that anymore. She slowly learned to trust Alex more, especially after everything the brunette had done for Piper. And Nicky loved spending time with Diane, the older woman made them all feel more grounded.

"Come on mum, it's present time."

Alex pulled them all into the lounge room and gave Diane a small wrapped gift that was from her and Piper.

"Seriously girls, you didn't need to get me anything."

"Yeah yeah, just open it already!" Alex was getting impatient, she couldn't wait to see Diane's reaction when she opened the gift.

Diane started unwrapping the gift, but too slowly for Alex's liking.

"You know you can rip the paper right? I'm not re-using it."

Diane looked across at Alex who was sitting on the coffee table with a huge grin on her face, "Would you shut up Alex!"

Alex laughed and put her hands up in mock surrender, with Piper sitting next to her and Nicky sitting next to Diane on the couch. The apartment definitely looked different than it did 6 months earlier. Alex had kept her word and let Piper redecorate, it was a way for both of them to feel like the apartment was _theirs_. The apartment was now a mix of off whites that contrasted with splashes of colour, suiting both of them. Not that either woman spent much time in the apartment any more. They both kept going to narcotics anonymous meetings together, and Piper still attended therapy sessions at the hospital. It was never easy, but being able to rely on each other made it all feel possible.

Piper had also started volunteering at a local shelter, helping to prepare and serve meals for people that weren't as lucky as she had been. People that didn't have family or friends to rely on, it made Piper appreciate her life so much more than she ever had, regardless of whatever hardships she'd faced. She also thought about volunteering at some of the local children's charities, but she needed more time before committing to something like that. Piper still thought about the last baby she lost every day, the baby that she thought she was going to raise with Alex. The pain got a little easier to deal with each day, and while she wasn't ready to be around children just yet, she knew it was something that would be in her future.

The only other thing still lingering from her old life was Jack. His physical condition meant he was deemed unfit to stand trial, and was now being held under guard in the state hospital. Piper didn't know if he'd ever recuperate enough to stand trial, but the truth was that she didn't even really care. So long as he couldn't hurt her and Alex anymore, that was all she cared about.

Piper was pulled out of her day dreaming as Alex put an arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. They'd spent all day picking the present for Diane, Alex kept insisting that everything they looked at wasn't enough, but eventually they found something that Alex deemed good enough for her mother.

Diane had finally finished unwrapping the gift, and saw it was a small box from Diane's favourite jeweller. This was the moment Alex loved most, the moment where she could see the emotion on Diane's face, but there was still more emotion to come when she opened the box to see what was inside.

Alex felt like that was the best part of life, being happy, but knowing that the happiness didn't need to end. Not being afraid anymore of all the terrible things that could happen, because no matter what those terrible things might be, the people around you would be there to make you feel good again, no matter how long it took.

 **A/N**

 **Hey folks,**

 **Well, I've decided this story is now complete. Thank you sooooo so much to everyone that has read and enjoyed this story, it means a lot. I'm really keen to hear your thoughts on the story as a whole, why you liked it or didn't like it etc. I've loved reading all your reviews, thanks again.**

 **Look out for something new from me in the near future.**

 **Cheers.**


End file.
